Sept 11th as a Wedding Date?

applepie99

Hello - question for you girls: I want to get married in Sept 2010 and just got engaged little over a week ago.  It seems as though everyone has the 9/11 open.  Is that disrespectful to have a wedding on that day? Weird? I am trying to gauge everyone's reactions to it because I don't want to be offensive.  As far as I know, all guests attending have not lost anyone directly from 9/11.  How do you guys feel about the date?

spuccio

Ooh that is a tough one, applepie. Ultimately it isn't our call, of course, it's about how you and FI feel about it. If there aren't any guests who have been directly affected by it, that is a place to start, but I think the bigger issue is whether or not you want 9/11 to be your anniversary date.Congrats on your recent engagement!

applepie99

Thanks - my mother mentioned that too.  At first it didn't bother me, but now I am more worried about the date and how people would react to hearing my anniversary is 9/11. 

jenwindy

Yeeps, I personally wouldn't go for it. Maybe there is a superstitious side of me afterall. 9/11 is not the anniversary date I would want to remember year after year. On the realistic side, you might be able to snag price discounts with vendors throughout the wedding planning! I still feel strange about it though and I didn't have any direct loss.

foolforfood

I wouldn't want to associate my wedding with the deaths of over 3000 innocent Americans.  I have loose ties to 9/11, so maybe that makes me a bit biased.  I may also be a hypocrite b/c my wedding was on Memorial Day weekend.  Maybe that shows that it's just too soon to have 9/11 weddings.  In time, maybe 9/11 will evolve into a different meaning.  But for now, it's known as a day of remembrance, not a day of champagne-sipping exploits.

MrsSassygrl2008

I can totally see both sides to this.  Such a tough call i think.But one thing I just thought of....how many people have gotten married on D-day? June 6th?  D-day was a huge memorial day for the last 2 generations before us.  Do our grandparents and parents cringe when they hear someone getting married on June 6th?  I dunno.  Do i know that it is fair to compare D-Day to Sept 11th?  I dont know that either.  Just something to possibly think about. Tough call.  it would be a decision for you and your FH to think about and also your guests.  Ultimately it is your own decision.  Some people are going to feel very strongly about and some people are going to feel ambiolvent about it i think.Good Luck and Congrats on your engagement!

agulla23

I am in the SAME exact boat as you. Just got engaged about 2 weeks ago, found a reception site I LOVE, wanted to get married in Sept/Oct, but the only dates available are Sept 11, 2010 and November 6, 2010 (which is my parents anniversary). Personally my family and I have not been directly affected by the tragedy, but everytime I mention it I get mixed reviews from family and friends. Some say it would be a nice way to show respect by having a moment of silence to remember those lost on 9/11 during the ceremony or toast, and then others just completely dont like the idea. But someone did say to me that because its so new to us still and because there really is no title for the tragedy besides the date of 9/11, thats why we get so hung up on it. We dont remember the tragedy of Pearl Harbor by its date, just the title... With that being said I waited too long and someone else took the 9/11 date. I think if you choose it and respect its memory by a moment of silence or mentioning it then you are good. It is a horrible thing that has happened but life needs to go on, babies are still born on this day, happiness is still shared. Go with what you and your fiance think is best! good luck!!

LyssaBella

I am getting married 9/17/11. I chose this date because the previous weekend would be 9/11. I had an eerie feeling about having my wedding around such a somber time. Whether or not anyone I know was personally affected by the date it just didnt "feel" right if that makes any sense. But in the end it is up to you. If you are questioning it this much maybe a different date will be better. :)GL! And congrats on your engagement!  

LyssaBella

Sassy... D-Day is December 7 not June 6th

foolforfood

Actually, D Day is June 6th.  You are confusing it with the attack on Pearl Harbor.

EKobrenski

No December 7 is Pearl Harbor Day.  D-day is the invasion of Normandy

Knottie6cd98948dcce890b

I think everyone has been affected by the 9/11 attacks. We live in Boston, where the flight took off, so even if we don' t know someone directly who was a passenger, third or fourth connections ourside our inner circles may have been affected. I'm marrying a fireman and my dad is one too - they don't know people who were in the Twin Towers, but still attend memorials every year for their fallen brothers. So just because people don't directly know one of the 3,000 doesn't mean the day should be used as a wedding date. My advice would be to see if another date is open and leave 9/11 for memorials.

LyssaBella

I guess I did get them confused lol I apologize  

Mrkyrain

I have to say that my husbands birthday is September 11th. Obviously this was his birthday for many many years before the attacks. However, people still give him a weird look when he says it's his birthday. The look like he's doing something wrong or as if to say "oh you poor thing". I just wouldn't want people to have the same reaction to your wedding or your anniversary for years to come. Good luck with this. It's a difficult decision.

noodle_oo

I can totally relate!  We wanted a Sept wedding also and I considered 9/11.  I was so bummed it was Saturday (if it was 9/12, no problem, right?).  But after thinking about it, I decided against it.  I just didn't want to have that association on my anniversary.  It wouldn't be too bad for one night, but for every year following?  So we found a date in August instead.  It is a very personal decision, so I would just think about how you might feel about that date always reminding people of tragedy.  Good luck!

sboston06

I still think it's too soon.  Our generation remembers 9/11 vividly still, so I personally wouldn't choose that date, even if I received discounts, etc.  There are plenty of other good dates and you can have a Sunday or Friday if places are booked up already.I think in time it will pass and be thought of as a "regular date".  Pearl Harbor was before we were born and I don't think anyone would think twice about having that day as their wedding day.  But 9/11 is still fairly fresh in people's minds so I think your guests would definitely notice if you chose that date.  I don't think they'd look down on you for it, but they would definitely notice.

caitie789

I can relate to this problem...My original dates were Saturdays in September but the venue we were looking at only had Fridays. My best friend (and a must be there for my wedding...) was in 2 weddings in September and attending her fiance's sisters wedding another weekend, leaving only September 11th as a date for our wedding. My decision was to change the date to August as I didn't want 9/11 to be synonymous with my "happy day". Good luck with your decision.

L-Bride

I had to make this decision too but it was easy. I didn't want to get married on 9/11..it's still a morbid day for me. I was disappointed that 9/11 took up a perfectly good Saturday in 2010! I would also recommend not getting married on 9/18/10 (if you were thinking about it) bc everyone and their sister's hampster is getting married that day for some reason. We switched to the 25th. GL with whatever you decide

jamidandedb

I have two perspectives on this.  MH was in NYC and took the train to the towers every day.  He told me he always got off the train around the time that the first plane hit.  Him and 2 of his friends were late for work because they decided to go out and get completely shmammered the night before and were late for work and never even left their house that morning to head into work.  Because of that, I wouldn't have even thought about having our wedding on 9/11.  If I had married a different person, I might have considered it.  Instead of remember it as a sad day, we could look at it as a new direction in our lives.  I know 9/11 has made many individuals take new direction/different paths in their lives, why not make it a "happy" directionAgain, it's entirely up to you and your FI.  You don't have to automatically cross out that date because you might offend someone that will attend.  You can always do a remembrence during the ceremony or during the blessing at the reception.  I feel as though as long as people remember what happened that day and not pretend like nothing happened, they should not be offended.  Hope taht rambling made sense.

KBackus12

I'm September 5th (its a Sunday of Labor day weekend so Monday people don't have work) We wanted weekends in September but not 9/11. But my FI was in the military. Truely its your wedding, but there might be objections.

MomJen

I truly believe that if you can't let the terrorist win. If your birthday was on Sept. 11th would you not celebrate it or tell anyone? My parents lost a number of friends and family on Dec. 7th, the day of the Pearl Harbor attack. After the war, the only date that worked for everyone for their wedding was Dec. 7th and they chose to think of it as celebrating life and not death.

foolforfood

I don't think you can compare 12/7 and 9/11. One was a war-time attack on a military base. The other was an unmitigated attack on innocent civilians that has contributed to today's worldwide recession. I still think it's too soon to forget about the tragedies of 9/11.  Some may have the fortitude to "not let the enemies win", but to many others, it remains a horrible day.

jamidandedb

FFF - there are a lot of similarities between 12/7 and 9/11.  Pearl Harbor was what made us declare war, we were also still in the Great Depression (the war helped us stay in it).  It was a surprise attack that caught everyone off guard.  They attacked the heart of our Navy as Pearl Harbor was considered the largest naval base in the pacific, if not the country.  9/11 they attacked a landmark, the pentagon, and they were going to be targeting the White House.  The Japanese wanted to take down our Navy so they would win the war.  The Terrorist wanted to ruin our nation.  They never used the word "terrorist" like we do now, but Pearl Harbor and 9/11 are very similar.

Moneypenny424

As I've responded in these threads before, I wouldn't get married on 9/11, but I would certainly attend a wedding on the date.  I did know people who died and many people who were affected, so it is always a day for reflection.  Like someone else said, it would be more that my anniversary would be on 9/11 and that would be a little strange. Unless the events of 9/11 become called something other than just the date, I'd have a hard time with this.

foolforfood

I agree there are a lot of similarities and I'll leave it at that.

Moneypenny424

I will also agree that there are similarities, but I do not agree with the parallel between terrorists and the Japanese military.

Beantown Mama

I am attending a wedding on that date. Someone on the Boston boards actually. I know she got a great price and I don't think people are going to be thinking that "Oh my GOd, it's September 11th". I think it would be different if someone in the wedding or close to the bride and groom were personally affected by the tragedy.

junelley

I don't think it's disrespectful to have a wedding on that day, but I personally wouldn't want to have a wedding on 9/11.  Like pp said, I would attend a 9/11 wedding, but I don't want to think of my wedding day/anniversary as a horrible day to many people, including myself.  Even though I personally did not suffer any loss because 9/11, but the whole evening was very shocking to me and let's say that I still remember it. 

FtMrskram

When I choose my venue the only dates they had available in September were the 11 and the 18th.  They offered to give us a discount for the 11th, but we just could not do it.  I didn't want to think about the tragedy of 9/11 every year for my anniversary. If I did pick it, I don't think there would of been anybody not attend because of the date. It is all up to you

SocialWorker2B

Personally, I would have had no problem throwing my own wedding on 9/11. I would never not go to a wedding on 9/11. Or any other day.9/11 sucked. Lots of days sucked. But, come on. You can't sit home and be morbid on them. If anything, celebrating the love and new family of a marriage is a great thing to do on 9/11 or any other such day.It's def. your decision so don't let others make it for you. You and your FI are the only ones that matter. (And keep repeating that to yourself till after you say "I do!")

Imperial_girl

MY FRIEND GOT MARRIED AT THE HARDING ALLEN ESTATE SOME YEARS BACK ON 9/11 SHE DID A WONDERFUL DEDICATION MEMORIAL TABLE  THAT THE ESTATE SET UP FOR HER AND SHE  GAVE A DONATION TO THE 911 FUND IN STEAD OF FAVORS PROVING THAT OUTOF A TRAGEDY THERE ARE THOSE THAT WILL NEVER FORGET. PEOPLE WERE VERY TOUCHED BY HER THOUGHTFULNESS AND I LOVED HER RECEPTION SO MUCH I GOT MARRIED AT THE H.A.E. TOO! YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT!