Dads and weddings?

Areden

What a way to start a gorgeous Friday... last night had a little blow-up with my dad and I'm still feeling rotton about it. 

We have our planning meeting today with our venue (to figure out table arrangements, menu options, etc.)  I told my parents about this 4+ weeks ago so they'd be free.  Three days ago I learn (through mom) that my dad's gonna have to come an hour late.  Last night, he tells me he'll be there 2 hours late (meeting is supposed to last 2.5.-3hrs).

It just sucks.  He acts like the wedding is such a overwhelming time commitment for him, yet he's probably put in least hours planning-wise between us, my mom, and FI's parents.  And acts like all the time I've put in isn't valuable. 

Sorry I'm being such a debbie downer this morning.  I feel like blowups always happen around the holidays too, which makes it worse.  Has anyone else had family blowups during wedding planning?  Feel like knotties are the only ones who get how much time goes into this?  Tell me your storriess!   xox

ipuella

That stinks - it's no fun when someone you want to be excited just isn't into it as much as you want them to be! I am having a similar problem but in a different way - I want my dad to be excited about things, too, but he pretty much couldn't care less. Every time I ask him his opinion on things, he either shrugs and changes the subject, or turns it into "how much is this costing me?" (and for the record, he's paying for about half of the wedding - FI and I are doing the rest!). I keep trying to explain it's not about the money and I just want his opinion/him to be involved, but he doesn't get it. I am trying to remind myself it's different for dads and that this is pretty emotional for him as I am a) the oldest; b) the only girl; and c) we lost my mom 3.5 years ago, so he's missing her through all of this too. But I totally feel your pain about wishing everyone was excited as you are!! Good luck with your meeting and sending some *knottie vibes* your way. ::hugs::

jkepros

Oh, that stinks.

When we first got engaged FI's dad's side of his family (grandmother, aunts, great aunts, etc) all started in on us with who we had to invite and where we had to have it, what we had to serve, etc. etc.  None of it was our style or even what we like.  I basically was like, "Um, no."  They all got all upset at first and threw a stink about how we weren't doing what was right and how everyone was going to be mad at us (read: them).  But a few months after that we threw ourselves an engagement party so our families could meet (we got engaged after dating about 3 months--my parents didn't get to meet FI until we'd been engaged another 3 months), and we did it the way we wanted to, which ended up really impressing his family (and mine), and for the most part we haven't gotten much grief since (we are also paying for the wedding ourselves, so we told our families we are making all of the decisions).

It really stinks that your dad is being grumpy about everything, but he probably just feels overwhelmed and doesn't know how to deal with it.  Try to hang in there!!

Oh, and I agree people have no idea how much time goes into planning everything.  A regular wedding takes an insane amount of planning, and the fabulous weddings that knotties pull together?  Fuhgetaboutit!!!!!!!!

Areden

Ahh thank you two... I appreciate your vibes/stories so much.  It helps to remember others are experiencing similar things (good and sometimes less-good) throughout this process.  This morning I was so upset and FI tries to comfort but sometimes I just still need to vent.

After all that, my dad ended up being able to come for the entire planning meeting -- his meeting at work was rescheduled.  It was an incredibly long meeting (~3.5 hours-ish), and now I actually feel kindof bad about it since dad and FI prob don't care about 85% of the little details that we went over.

My dad is definitely overwhelmed (ipuella, I get the 'how much is this costing me?' look, a lot!)  Plus I know he feels really pressured to host an event that will impress FI's family.  And jkepros... people def have noooo idea how many hours go into this.  Your fuhgetaboutit made me laugh so much.

Thaankk you!

msgirl2010

I know it's a little late, but I want to just say how envious I am that your dad even went!  My dad says he doesn't understand all this pomp and circumstance, and basically just tell him when and where to show up.  He's nervous about having a lot of guests and would prefer not to talk/think about it.