September 11th Wedding?

MichelleyS

My fiance and I have had quite an exhausting search for a venue for our wedding next fall. The place we fell in love with and that we thought was out of our price range just informed me that they have an opening--and would give us a significant discount--for September 11th, 2011. It's a Sunday, which we prefer, but that Sunday is the 10th anniversary of the attack on our country.

I have two family members who survived the attack on the WTC, so the day has some special significance for us. However, I want to be sensitive to those who still see the day as a day of mourning instead of a day to celebrate.

So...should we celebrate our freedom, celebrate those who survived, and take a few minutes during the ceremony to remember the victims/pray for grieving families? Or should we settle for a different venue and to avoid this dilemma altogether?

Shazzie116

That's a very difficult question to pose, and you will get a number of different and passionate responses here. Your best bet is to put feelers out to your guests. I know someone asked a similar question months ago (maybe even over a year ago, I forget) and the general feeling was that locking into a venue on Sept. 11 because venues know it's a tough date to book and offer discounts is just kind of, well, not cool. And a few girls said that if they were invited to a wedding on that date, they might be suspicious of why someone would book a wedding celebration on that date (did they do it for the discount? Do they care?). Especially it being the 10th anniversary, my gut tells me it's not a great idea. You want your wedding celebration to be a happy day, and especially considering people close to you had their lives seriously impacted by the events of the day, I'm not sure it would be in their (or your other guests) best interest to have a wedding that day.

Is there a chance of getting a date later in the fall, say in November, where they might offer you an off-season discount? I got married in January and if money-saving is a priority, winter weddings are becoming more common, but a lot of vendors offer some sort of discounted rate since it's still a generally quieter season.

Starmusica

I am with Shazzie here. I think the idea of wanting to show it is a day of freedom is nice but in reality... you don't want your day associated with the 10th anniversary of the attacks.. I wouldn't do it... I think especially given that your family suffered personally....it would be seen as insensitive.

pretzelgrrl

Book it! It is not insensitive.  Make the day have a good memory...celebrate your family members who survived.  I would not even mention it except if you have a moment of silence for those you have lost family wise in general.  A wedding is a day to celebrate. 

I am particularly passionate about this because every year I watch people yell at my friend for celebrating her birthday on that day.  She was born before it it and deserves to be recognized.

Shazzie116

No disrespect, pretzel, but a birthday is something you don't choose, so it is wrong for people to yell at your friend. But, you can choose your wedding date. I think it would be hard for people (especially those directly effected by the day) to put it at the back of their minds, especially on the 10th anniversary. It's still a fresh wound for many. It's one thing to choose a date that has significance, such as a grandparent's or parent's wedding anniversary. It's another to choose a date that is very much a day of solemnity and remembrance. I'm sure people would put on a happy face for you, but on the 10th anniversary? Their minds will be elsewhere.

pretzelgrrl

It's wierd but people still judge her because they feel she is choosing to celebrate her birthday and that she and others shouldn't because as you said they feel it should be a day of rememberance.  And no worries, I don't think what you say is any disrespect it is your opinion and feelings and I totally get it...I just guess that i feel that  my mind would be on the wedding...I guess I wonder how long it took for people to have weddings on Pearl Harbor day because now I feel many people do and unless it has personal experience it is a day in history.  I understand for a lot of people 10 years is not a long time but to me it is...unless people in your family or friends have lost someone I don't think they would feel it is wrong,,,,I guess the tough thing is if you don't know if friends had lost someone on that day but I feel like you could put feelers out and find that out.   But again, just my feelings because I feel like it should be a day to celebrate the lives of people that were lost and celebrate our freedon your else the terrorists have won and we are not free.  But I respect those that feel otherwise.  Sorry this was long...as I said passionate about this topic after having people directly yell at my friend and almost make her cry while at a restaurant.

Shazzie116

.I guess I wonder how long it took for people to have weddings on Pearl Harbor day also in September because now I feel many people do and unless it has personal experience it is a day in history.

That's a good point, one that was brought up last time this topic was being discussed. When would it be considered "ok"? I think since it's still so recent, and especially with first responders still dealing with the after-the-fact illnesses, young children who lost parents or never knew their parents because they weren't born yet....my guess is it'll take a while.

Any ways, I feel for your friend. I have a friend who's b-day is Sept. 11, she usually just has a small gathering of close friends at her house. Were these strangers that yelled at your friend? Holy innappropriate.

Obviously this is a very debatable topic.

pretzelgrrl

Oops sorry I repeated something debated/said before I don't think I was reading posts back then.  I agree with you a very debatable and sensitive topic.
 I guess then it may be a good day to stay away from if you want that day to be stress free and debate free. 
 
P.S- Yes, it was strangers...it was so inappropriate and I felt bad because I had convinced her to go out becuase she had wanted to stay home much like your friend and then that happened.

MichelleyS

Thanks, ladies--I really appreciate the honest responses. In talking with some of the most important people involved in our lives, my fiance and I have had pretty favorable responses to the idea of a 9/11 wedding. Friends and family have been in favor of "moving on" and "celebrating our freedom."  However, my "gut" if you will, is making me hesitate. There is a lot in life that is out of our control, but if I can have a say in which date we choose to celebrate our wedding--and our anniversary for the rest of our lives--perhaps I shouldn't choose this day.

jaguarjen

I think your gut reaction is the most important thing, with the next most important being the feelings of your family members who survived the attacks.  But since it sounds like they're in conflict, go with what works for *you*.  You do not want to feel uncomfortable about your wedding date.  Also, as others have noted, next year in particular might feel more uncomfortable, both because as the 10th anniversary there will be even more attention focused on the anniversary than in the last few years, and because (unless you are from a tradition where Sunday weddings are the norm) the fact that it's on a less typical day of the week combined with the 10th anniversary would make it all a little more in-your-face, if that makes sense?

And I say this as a September 11th bride who was fine with her date -- we were married on September 11th of this year, but we did not have any close friends or relatives who were directly affected by the 2001 attacks -- I think that might have made us feel differently about it, to be honest.  And although we did consider that having a celebratory event on that day was "celebrating our freedom" as your family members put it, we chose our wedding date despite it being the anniversary of the attacks, not because of it.  Which isn't necessarily better, or worse, but is different.

(We didn't get any discounts for choosing that date, by the way -- our venue may have filled that date more slowly than usual for a fall Saturday, but between ceremonies and receptions, they did have at least five weddings that day --  though it wasn't our first choice, either... Like you it came down to venue availability, though not so much a "dream" venue as only having a few choices, because we were working in a very limited geographic area due to a nursing-home-resident parent, and also had seasonal limitations on when other immediate family would be able to make the long trip.  We felt no conflict prioritizing the needs of our family members over what others might think about the date, but I fully understand why others would want to avoid that date completely - as we probably would have if other factors had been different.) 

jacquikev

I actually went to a wedding this past september on the 11th and it was the best wedding I ever went to. :-) 

Angrytomato

This subject is hotly debated. I say go with your gut

verbolatry

I went to a September 11th wedding a few years ago and the bride was very upfront about how the date was selected BECAUSE of the discounts. The wedding itself was lovely, but I was definitely irritated at the time because it was a Thursday night and I had to take 1.5 days off from work (the wedding was about 3.5 hours away from us).

Personally, I don't know if I would want to have my wedding anniversary on September 11. I didn't lose anyone on that day, but I just would just pick another date.

Go with your gut!