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Advice/Suggestions/Words of Wisdom?


I follow along on these boards a lot, and really could use some help...I am in search of some suggestions from fellow knotties... My FI and I have been planning a wedding for 9.18.2010 for almost a year.  We have put deposits on everything including the venue--but have hit a point where we are really not sure a big wedding is for us.  We are having a lot of stress from both sides about what they are expecting, and its starting to feel like it is not about us anymore...We are seriously considering eloping- but the main thing holding us back is we had already sent out Save the Dates in Feb.  We will be able to get back MOST of our money minus deposit on the dress and $500 admin fee at the venue.  Can anyone offer any suggestions or advice?   Would it be completely rude to send out a change of plans card to everyone that we had sent the save the dates to?  Right now the idea we have is to surprise our immediate families with a very very small ceremony then dinner, and have our honeymoon as planned.  Any advice you can offer would really help us :) thanks ladies!

Re: Advice/Suggestions/Words of Wisdom?

  • jkeprosjkepros member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think every bride has been there at some point in the planning process.  After all, it's super stressful!  We even went so far as to design, "WEDDING CANCELLED: WE ELOPED!" cards to send out to our guests.  We decided though that we wanted to go through with everything, and haven't looked back since.

    I guess you need to decide what you want to do.  Think about it from every side.  What do you & your FI BOTH want?  If you have a wedding will you regret spending the money?  If you don't, will you regret not getting to have a wedding day with your family & friends?  Add up the money "lost."  Will you feel guilty every time your grandmother or mother says how much she wished she could be there?  Will you miss not getting to tell your children about your wedding day? 

    Just a few things to think about.

    Good luck to you both!  :)
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  • jay10jay10 member
    edited December 2011
    I think everyone goes through this but the other option is use the date for a party with people who were not at your wedding....I mean elope and then have a party on your planned wedding day, that way you dont have to call everyone up and explain? of course only after you have thought about the options mentioned above :)

    good luck
  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    edited December 2011
    Funny, I'm totally with you. Wedding planning is way more stressful than I anticipated and I keep thinking we could use the money so much better elsewhere.  But I still want the wedding, so no cancellation for us. I just wish we weren't spending so much.  Oh well.

    As a guest who received your STD, I would be SO disappointed if you canceled the wedding.  I think if you hadn't send STDs, do whatever you want.  But since you did send them, I feel like you have to really have a good excuse to cancel the wedding.  Of course you can do whatever you have to do.  If you end up throwing another party, you may as well just do the wedding in my opinion.
  • edited December 2011
    I think jkepros has good advice. I would recommen waiting at least a week to really think about and all of her questions. Can you cut back on some things so it isn't quite as big of a deal/undertaking, but you can still have a wedding and a party for your family and friends? Maybe make it a little more along the lines of what you have envisioned before it took off on its own?

    Personally, and its only me, but I know I would regret not having all the important people there while we say our vows... plus I can't lie, I am also looking forward to the party and being the total center of attention :)
  • ARez726ARez726 member
    edited December 2011

    I think if the stress from both sides is what is causing your change of heart, you need to talk to whomever is creating the stress and tell them to back off!!  Maybe once you don't have the pressure from both sides, you'll find the planning and the thought of the wedding you originally planned, to be a really exciting time.  In the end, it's all about you and your fiance, so the fact that you've sent out STD's shouldn't affect whether you go through with it or not.  If you end up cancelling the big affair, people will be disappointed, but they'll get over it!!  The will ultimately be happy that you're happy!!  Good luck!

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  • lundarlundar member
    edited December 2011

    I agree with what everyone has said but I'd like to add that you really have a lot of time before the wedding date so people haven't made reservations that can't be canceled or plans that can't be altered. You have to do what is right for you. I'm sorry you're under so much pressure and I hope you come to a decision that makes you and your FI happy :)

  • edited December 2011
    I would also take some time and really think it over. Talk to the people who are making things difficult for you, or ask your parents, aunts, uncles, whoever, to help out and step in and make people realize this is your and FI's day. If other people are offering to pay for things or help out with money, maybe say thanks, but no thanks, and then they won't feel like they should have a say in the decisions that you make.

    Ultimately, do what you want. If you want to cancel your large wedding and hold a small gathering with just the people closest to you, I think that would be fine. First of all, it's your wedding. Second, I think most people can relate or understand. But take some time and talk it over with the people closest to you before bringing it up with other relatives.
  • nataliealay70nataliealay70 member
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel. We have been dating for 4 years now. We  just got engaged in February and are already caught up in the family arguments.
     We joke about eloping and have threatened my Mom with  the idea of taking off to Aruba and getting married on the beach!

    The truth is that I have always dreamed of a big wedding and I am so excited about the planning but all the unwanted advise needs to stop!!!

    I just think it is a very stressful time and you have to just ignore everyone who is bringing you down.
    Its a once in a lifetime event and Im sure you will regret not having your loved ones around.
    Good Luck
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