More venue questions/vent

jonchrissy

So FI and I thought we had our venue today, I was thrilled. Turns out the guy at the site and I were NOT on the same page about the room we wanted. Not only were we already compromising on the venue but the date as well, so I really wanted to at least get this one room. Apparently, the room is booked all june-september and they MIGHT have an opening Oct 8th. We wanted June, not sept not oct. and the other option would be April 16th. One of the reasons we wanted the room was because it has an awesome view and an outdoor bar and patio. I just am soo frustrated trying to find a venue and I know the more we wait the more things will book up.
So questions...
Did you guys see a room...fall in love and just say whatever they have open is what we'll do.
Did you say screw it I don't want to look anymore this is good enough for me?

I just don't want to feel like we're picking a space/date because we're so pressured. It also doesn't help that FI is very opinionated about it.


EDIT: This is already booked for 2011, so pushing it back would be 2012

ShaboAE

FI and I went to see several places. I was able to narrow them down before we made appointments just because they couldn't handle the size we needed or they were too expensive for us. After we saw each of them, I had made a decision, but he wanted to keep looking. Only thing is he didn't look at any venues ahead of time even though I encouraged him to do so. I basically told him tough luck, we need to book before everyone else takes the dates we want.

We were fairly flexible in the dates we wanted going in though. Are all the Sundays and Fridays taken in June? All of the Saturdays were booked when we were looking at the beginning of January, but we had our pick of Sundays and Fridays. If you think about it, people travelling are going to be taking at least one day off anyway, so they probably won't care if it's Friday or Monday.

Don't feel like you have to settle or you might grow to resent your decision. Maybe you could give yourselves another year for the wedding? That will give you extra time to save up, too.

noodle_oo

I thought i wanted a fall wedding in September.  We looked at venues about 10-11 months in advance and dates were booking up.  When we found the venue we fell in love with, Sept was booked and dates were going in Aug (I didn't want Oct, too worried about it being cold and we wanted an outdoor ceremony).  I was annoyed because the coordinator let a date go that I wanted, so we ended up with 8/21. 

It wasn't a big deal for 2 reasons: 
1) we got the room we wanted.  I would not have compromised on that.
2) we got a Saturday, which I really wanted.  So the actual date wasn't too big a deal and now I'm actually happier about a summer wedding than fall!

In your case, I think you need to figure out what is most important to you. You have a few options.  If the date is most important, then you need to look at other venues or consider waiting a year.  If the room, then same thing but maybe a Sunday or Friday would work.  If you really want to get married this year, maybe another room at the same venue?  The most important thing is to not settle.  For example, if you REALLY want to get married this year and at this venue, using another room maybe won't be that bad?  You'll get almost everything you want?

Anyway, I"m not sure that made any sense (I'm sick).  I just don't want you to regret booking it if it isn't totally what you want. 

On the other hand, if you are looking for 2010, things are going to get booked up so you just might not be able to find what you want.  Maybe they can put a courtesy hold on the date you want for 2011 and then you can keep looking for other venues this year and use that as a backup.  (venues let us hold a date for like 2-3 weeks, no charge as a courtesy.  they should do this especially if they aren't that booked up yet for 2011)

Good luck!

jonchrissy

Thanks for the ideas! I think I was so upset initially I didn't think.
I am all for the April 2011 wedding, FI isn't really too happy about it, or hes more frustrated than I am and doesn't care.  I'd also rather do it sooner rather than later before I have a complete breakdown over wedding planning (does that sound horrible?).  I also don't want to wait 2 years just because of a date issue.
As far as Friday/Sunday we really want an evening so it would have to be Friday, but there are only about 5 people flying in out of the 175 that would be invited, everyone else would have a maximum of a 3 hour drive, so I would imagine they would do it day-of. Friday is definitly something to keep in mind though.

jkepros

Hmmm....well, we didn't have this problem because we set our wedding date the night we got engaged--for exactly 2.5 years later!  So we definitely had our pick of any place we wanted.  BUT most people I know who want/wanted a specific place had to do some kind of compromise.  Actually I know one couple who got engaged in Nov and wanted a fall wedding at this specific place, but found out they only had June 19th open--so they moved up their wedding MONTHS to snag the venue. 

If you REALLY love it AND are set on a June wedding, could you push it out a year?  If that's too long to wait I think you just need to decide what is most important to you, the date, the weather, the room, etc. 

GL!

ShaboAE

I'm doing a Sunday evening wedding. We start the ceremony at 3 at the same place as the reception, and it's all over by 9 pm. Sunday nights are not unreasonable. Again, the guests are going to have to make travel arrangements for either Friday morning or Monday, so it's not a big deal.

EKobrenski

April is not as popular as some other months, so you might save $$$ by negotiating with vendors.  It's not technically the off season, but it's not June-September either.

jquirke9881

If it were me, I would not push back being married to tha man of my dreams over a venue.  Not that I judge anybody who does, but to me actually getting married is far more important than having the right place, or date, or whatever.  That being said, if I LOVED a place, I would be willing to compromise on the date. 

jonchrissy

jquirke- I agree, I'm not pushing back getting married over a venue. Unless it was somewhere I had been dreaming about for me entire life there is no way.

After speaking with FI and my grandparents, I think we're going with April 16th! MY grandfather is also going to talk to the owner or business manager tomorrow (he's known both of them for years) to see if they can put us on a waiting list for June and discuss payments, minimums etc. We can't go because it's 2 hours away. So thank you all very much for calming me down...I've finally stopped saying let's elope!

jacquikev

Its a hard decision. Have you looked at any other venues? Maybe you should keep looking to see if you find something else you love. I know I was absolutely IN LOVE!!! with the state room in Boston. After looking at other venues nothing compared, but after a long talk with my FI and family we just knew we could not afford it w/o taking out loans and everyone says thats a no no. So i spent a few months looking at other venues and I finally found one I could see myself having my wedding. ( i also needed the thrill of loving the state room die down). Its that or compromise. I wish you luck on yhour decision

blakelberry

Jacqui - what venue did you end up choosing? i just got engaged and i love the state room too but am afraid it will be too expensive also...

love2nap

Hey! I had the exact same problem as you. I really wanted a June 2011 wedding, and we looked at about 12 places before we picked our favorite- which wasn't what we initially wanted because it didn't have an ocean view from the venue. However, when we finally decided to go for it, a bride put down her deposit that day on our date. I was really bummed, but when we thought about, the date really wasn't as important as the venue. I ended up changing my date to your maybe date-- April 16th! A good thing about april 16th is that it's a mass long weekend, because it's patriots weekend, so a lot of mass people won't have to work on monday, which i liked However, if your doing boston, you might have to pay a higher room rate, and it might be hard for out of town guests to find a place if they dont book soon, so something to consider. A spring wedding might be nice-- it's definately cheaper, and i'm finding that some vendors are cheaper in april as well because it's not as popular. And with NE weather you might be able to use the patio  And i didn't have that magic feeling until after i booked because i was nervous that i comprised on too much. However, after i made the decision it felt right. Good Luck!!!

ebigelow

Just in response to a Friday evening wedding...I know you mentioned that only a few people are driving in and everyone else pretty much has a 3 hr ride...we basically went to a wedding with that same scenario last summer.  The wedding was a Friday in Western MA and the majority of people were driving from Boston.  The ceremony was actually fairly early too...I think 3:30?? Anyways, I think most people took the day off, but my fiance and I actually worked a half day and then drove straight out there.  We even had time to check into the hotel quickly first.  One thing you would have to keep in mind though is that anyone in the wedding, would most likely have to take Thursday off from work too if the rehearsal is in the same location - I know that some of the people in this wedding complained about that.  All in all, it was somewhat of an inconvenience for people, but it wasn't a huge deal and I feel like everyone forgot about it once they were there having fun!  Good luck in your decison!