Community› Local Wedding Boards› Massachusetts-Boston
Massachusetts-Boston
New Discussion

In law frustrations

MDT082010MDT082010 member
10 Comments
in Massachusetts-Boston
Hi Everyone,

Fiance and I had a great weekend - we selected the tux for the wedding party. We were both really excited about our choice so we went over to show my fiance parents. (Background: Fiance father passed away 10 years ago and his Mom re-married.) So we show his step-dad and he said "I'm not wearing a tux. I'm not in the wedding party."  My fiance tried saying yes you are....you are the father of the groom.

I've always dreamed of an eveni ng formal wedding. My dress is formal, my mom's dress is, my maids are in long formal dresses, etc....My Dad is going to be a tux and I thought it would be really nice if everyone got dressed up.

I can deal with him not wearing a tux, but can I at least ask if ghe could wear a dark suit? Even guests will be wearing suits....it would be nice if he could at least wear a jacket in the wedding pictures....this is a wedding!

Is it rude to ask that the father of the groom wear a suit?
Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: In law frustrations

  • Karen's MOHKaren's MOH member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What is he planning on wearing if not a suit? I don't think that's rude to ask at all, but it might come across better if your FI has your mom bring it up, rather than it looking like you are just bossing him around. But really, most men wouldn't show up to any wedding  not in a suit, right? (unless, of course, explicitly told not to).

    I'm pretty sure FI's dad will not be wearing a tux and I'm not going to ask him to, but I will make sure he knows that my dad will be in one. I'm sure he'll wear a dark suit though.
    Report Reply
  • vtbmvtbm
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's rude at all. However, I'd let your fiance handle it!
    Report Reply
  • AlwaysABridesmaid...AlwaysABridesmaid... member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I don't think it is rude at all. But like pp said, let FI handle it. My FFIL is refusing to wear a tux which really bums me out, but I can't force him (unfortunately)

    Report Reply
  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just because he doesn't want to wear a tux doesn't mean he's not planning on wearing a suit. I'm sure he will wear a suit. I'm also having a very formal evening wedding and my dad isn't a GM so he's wearing a nice suit. He's going to look great.
    image
    Report Reply
  • thedivaonethedivaone member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it makes you feel any better, I am having a black tie wedding and my father is having a hissy fit about having to wear a tux.  He's the father of the bride and this is one day out of his life a year and a half from now and he doesn't want to wear a tux.  Your FI's family dynamics may be different, but I put my foot down and told him he could stay home if he didn't wear a tux.  Right now he's deciding what he wants to do, stay home or wear a tux.

    Whatever happens, good luck with your FFIL. 
    Visit The Nest! Visit The Nest! Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • EKobrenskiEKobrenski
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you want him to wear a tux, he should wear a tux. Maybe offer to pay for it?
    Report Reply
  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Am I the only one that doesn't get what the big deal is?  I'm sure he knows how to dress appropriately and will probably wear a nice suit.  Maybe ask your FI to talk to his mom about it.  I'm sure she will make sure he dresses appropriately.

    I don't see why the FOB or FOG needs to wear a tux.  They are grown men who know how to dress.  I can't even imagine trying to tell my dad or FI's dad what to wear.  It feels so disrespectful to "put your foot down".  Actually, it seems more like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. 

    Many times on this board I have seen people saying they want to dictate what the moms wear and people always say, they are grown women and they are not your BMs, so trying to tell them what to wear is inappropriate.  I feel it is no different for the dads.

    If he shows up in jeans, he's the one who is going to look like an idiot.  Just don't worry about it and stop trying to control everyone else's behavior.
    wedding planning guide
    Report Reply
  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_law-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:94c7f13a-ed0c-4a82-9202-76c6fe93e99cPost:9c6b5cc5-5a66-4238-9aa8-afba5b659681">Re: In law frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Am I the only one that doesn't get what the big deal is? </strong>I'm sure he knows how to dress appropriately and will probably wear a nice suit.  Maybe ask your FI to talk to his mom about it.  I'm sure she will make sure he dresses appropriately. I don't see why the FOB or FOG needs to wear a tux.  They are grown men who know how to dress.  I can't even imagine trying to tell my dad or FI's dad what to wear.  It feels so disrespectful to "put your foot down".  Actually, it seems more like a kid throwing a temper tantrum.  Many times on this board I have seen people saying they want to dictate what the moms wear and people always say, they are grown women and they are not your BMs, so trying to tell them what to wear is inappropriate.  I feel it is no different for the dads. If he shows up in jeans, he's the one who is going to look like an idiot.  Just don't worry about it and stop trying to control everyone else's behavior.
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    No, I said pretty much the same thing.
    It's not a big deal if he doesn't wear a tux and you can't tell him what to wear. My dad's wearing what he wants because he's a  grown up. Don't demand your FIs step-father wear anything.  
    image
    Report Reply
  • EKobrenskiEKobrenski
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but as the parent or step-parent you are part of the wedding party and should dress accordingly.  There's no reason why he can't suck it up and wear a tux that day.  I understand that people know how to dress themselves, but it sounds like he is being difficult just to be a pain in the ass. 

    And noodle, I believe you were one of the ones complaining in the past about how the veteran knotties had a bad attitude towards the newbies bc someone told someone else to chill out. Interesting that you posted like you did here...
    Report Reply
  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_law-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:94c7f13a-ed0c-4a82-9202-76c6fe93e99cPost:94919568-43cf-4bd8-aa12-ba4f68350db4">Re: In law frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Sorry, but as the parent or step-parent you are part of the wedding party</strong>and should dress accordingly.  There's no reason why he can't suck it up and wear a tux that day.  I understand that people know how to dress themselves, but it sounds like he is being difficult just to be a pain in the ass.  And noodle, I believe you were one of the ones complaining in the past about how the veteran knotties had a bad attitude towards the newbies bc someone told someone else to chill out. Interesting that you posted like you did here...
    Posted by EKobrenski[/QUOTE]

    Parents are in no way part of the WP. They are parents and can dress how they would like. To be in a WP you need to ask people to be a part of it. He doesn't want to wear a tux- who cares? No one is going to think any less of the wedding nor will it take away. I don't mean to come off as snarky but I don't think noodle was giving the OP a hard time.
    image
    Report Reply
  • EKobrenskiEKobrenski
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_law-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:94c7f13a-ed0c-4a82-9202-76c6fe93e99cPost:96dad547-0ae9-4221-ba05-64206490013a">Re: In law frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In law frustrations : Parents are in no way part of the WP. They are parents and can dress how they would like. To be in a WP you need to ask people to be a part of it. He doesn't want to wear a tux- who cares? No one is going to think any less of the wedding nor will it take away. I don't mean to come off as snarky but I don't think noodle was giving the OP a hard time.
    Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

    Parents are absolutely part of the wedding party.  By all means, if the bride doesn't care, then they should wear whatever.  But it seems like there is something else going on here.  Why would he not wear a tux if she has asked him to?  What's the big deal?

    And I just find it ironic that noodle was so sensitive on a previous post but is doing the same thing she complained about.
    Report Reply
  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Parents (you can look it up other places) are not considered part of the WP. They can wear what they want. They are considered parents of the B&G. It would be the same thing as having a sister or brother come to the wedding who isn't a BM or GM.  Their title would be sister of the bride or brother of the bride and so on. They wouldn't be part of the WP.
    image
    Report Reply
  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_law-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:94c7f13a-ed0c-4a82-9202-76c6fe93e99cPost:07dee266-80dd-4a21-8569-5dba6770ca4c">Re: In law frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it makes you feel any better, I am having a black tie wedding and <strong>my father is having a hissy fit about having to wear a tux</strong>.  He's the father of the bride and this is one day out of his life a year and a half from now and he doesn't want to wear a tux.  Your FI's family dynamics may be different, but<strong> I put my foot down and told him he could stay home if he didn't wear a tux.</strong>  Right now he's deciding what he wants to do, stay home or wear a tux. Whatever happens, good luck with your FFIL. 
    Posted by thedivaone[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, the attitude in my post was not directed at OP but at this post in particular.  The disrespect in the tone of this post just makes me really upset.  Weddings are supposed to be about so much more than what your father is wearing.  The fact that this bride would choose to have her father not attend her wedding because he won't wear a tux is so superficial to me.  And so many people were agreeing that it is okay to be a bridezilla about what your father (or FIs father) wears to the wedding.  I don't think it is okay.  I think people should have more respect for their fathers.
    wedding planning guide
    Report Reply
  • L-BrideL-Bride member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is also coming off way bitchier than intended. Undecided
    image
    Report Reply
  • EKobrenskiEKobrenski
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_law-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:94c7f13a-ed0c-4a82-9202-76c6fe93e99cPost:772b9d8d-c7bf-4cf7-b5ca-cf20faf2319c">Re: In law frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In law frustrations : Sorry, the attitude in my post was not directed at OP but at this post in particular.  The disrespect in the tone of this post just makes me really upset.  Weddings are supposed to be about so much more than what your father is wearing.  The fact that this bride would choose to have her father not attend her wedding because he won't wear a tux is so superficial to me.  And so many people were agreeing that it is okay to be a bridezilla about what your father (or FIs father) wears to the wedding.  I don't think it is okay.  I think people should have more respect for their fathers.
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    Oh yeah, the one you quotes sounds psycho.  I'm totally in agreement with that.  I thought you were directing at OP. 
    Report Reply
  • deborah2121deborah2121 member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Not sure if these comments will help, but....my dad originally saw pics of the GM's tuxes, and he stated, "I am not wearing that."  "That" referred to a tie and vest...turns out, he wanted to wear a cumberbund!  Same thing with FFIL. So, perhaps it is the style of tux that is throwing him off.

    Or, maybe he doesn't like them at all, and a suit will be great, too! 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards