Interesting Evening..Advice Needed!

jonchrissy

So I went out to dinner with my ex-stepfather tonight. He and my mom started dating when I was 8, married at 12, divorced at 14, dated on and off until 20 and finally they were done, it's now 5 years later. So, I've known him for most of my life and we've been fairly close. Tonight he confessed he's had a gf for the past few years and she would be like to be invited to the wedding events. Now, I got a little drunk after hearing this surprise, not that he's has a gf, but that he's had one for a few YEARS, so I apologize if what I'm saying isn't very clear. I'm very happy for him, he's a great guy, but my mother will not be able to take both of her ex husbands plus wives/gfs at all wedding events.
He implied he wants gf at the engagement party in August, but doesn't know how serious it is and if they'll be together at the wedding. The engagement party is going to be held by FILs andit will be parents grandparents some family friends and wedding party. I'm just a little overwhelmed at this situation. I feel soooooo bad for my mom and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable at any wedding events because of her ex's. She lives alone and hasn't had a relationship since my exstepdad, I know she won't handle it well.
So what would you do? Invite all and hope your mother doesn't kill you after? ask exstepdad to not invite gf you've never met? Pray something happens between then and now?
Any advise would be great!

Shazzie116

Yikes, I'm sorry you've been put in that position. My first instinct is to tell him you're sorry, but you need to think first and foremost about you mom's feelings. Assuming from your post that he's invited anyways, express that you'd be happy for him to come to the events. Do you know if he lives with this gf? If they live together, I don't think there's a way of not allowing her to come. 

This is a tricky one. GL!

jonchrissy

Thanks shazzie! He will definitely be invited, he's always been a big part of mine and my little brothers life. I think I was just so shocked when he told me I didn't know what to think! For the engagement party, I think I'm just going to ask him to hold off on the gf and that we don't want to meet her at a wedding event b/c we won't have a lot of time to get to know her. And there's only going to be about 50 people there so that might be a little awkward.

noodle_oo

I think that if you guys haven't met her yet, it is not appropriate for her introduction to be at such a huge family event.  It puts everyone in an awkward situation and it is unfair to you and your family.  If he wasn't comfortable telling you guys that he's been dating someone for YEARS, then he shoudl not have brought it up now.  I think he's being a bit selfish.

So my advice:  I woudl not invite her to the engagement party (I"m assuming the party is coming up soon).  But I would perhaps make an effort to meet her and find out how serious they are.  If they are serious, maybe you can slowly introduce her to the family and then it would make sense to invite her to the wedding.  However, I also think you should talk to you mom and make sure she's okay with it.  She might be happy for him, but you also don't want her to feel sad/lonely at all your wedding events.

Good luck!

jwatts23

Not a great situation for you which is so hard.  I would take into consideration that your step dad implied it wasn't serious or how serious it will be then.  I would try talking to him again and explain that for now, it may not be the best and you need to really keep your Mom in mind.  Maybe ask to discuss this closer to the wedding and see where you are then.  Sticky situation but since this was sprung on you it sounds like he would really understand.  Good luck!