Single Guest question

jonchrissy

FI and I have discussed out guest list and decided that we shouldn't have plus ones for guests who aren't in a serious relationship (living together/engaged/anything more than made out at a bar once)... This will save us from inviting about 20 additional people. FIs parents thing it's a poor decision and our single guests are less likely to attend because of it. We also aren't having a huge wedding, we're trying to keep it somewhere aroun 130 people. So my questions are...did you allow your single friends to invite a guest and did they bring one?

This would also cause us to look at other venues due to the extra additional people.

jonnysbride2010

We had the same rule that you are following. If one of our friends is in a serious relationship aka married, engaged, living together or we are friends with both people, we invited them both. If we have a friend who is single then we did not give them a guest only because our venue has a 200 person max and we were already up to 194. I think my single friends know 3/4 of the guests invited so they are going to come and have a great time! If you think your friends won't know many people, it might be nice to offer them a guest!

jonchrissy

Thats the other thing...all of our single friends grew up together so it's not like they would be sitting alone at a table all night with no one to talk to. The few guests we do have that don't know anyone are all in serious relationships.

mandac033

FI and I are having the same quidelines! We are having a large wedding and the less the better.  If people don't want to come because they can't bring a guest that's fine with me. It's a tough decision but people need to understand that weddings are expensive and there have to be some cuts some place.HTH

jenvalet

We used the same guidelines.  Unless they were engaged or living together, or had been dating long enough that we knew them both, they didn't get an invite.  I didn't have any of my single friends decline.

Karen's MOH

I think PP have it right-- if they are single and know lots of people there, it's perfectly fine to not invite them with a guest. It would only be if they don't know anyone that I would add the option. I am basically doing that, plus I will probably invite people who will be travelling far with a guest since I do have the room. But people in Boston who know other people will not get one. I think people in our generation are used to it. I have some older relatives who took great offense to the idea.

jsychien

I am having a very small wedding (60 people) and am doing the same thing you are.  We've spoken to all our single friends, and they have been fine with it.  Most of our guests know each other anyway.

kedoo

Our "rule" was that if they were a college age or older, and they were single, they got a plus one.
I think it's perfectly fine to just invite the one person and have all the single people hang out together.

junelley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_single-guest-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:b8b8e961-3cf8-464a-9061-c42cb0f958b4Post:967572cc-2c76-439e-beb5-bef29ef3d7e0">Re: Single Guest question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think PP have it right-- if they are single and know lots of people there, it's perfectly fine to not invite them with a guest. It would only be if they don't know anyone that I would add the option. I am basically doing that, plus I will probably invite people who will be travelling far with a guest since I do have the room. But people in Boston who know other people will not get one. I think people in our generation are used to it. I have some older relatives who took great offense to the idea.
Posted by Karen's MOH[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with this.  The only reason I am letting my single guests bring a +1 is because they don't know each other and they are from OOT.  If they had known people at the wedding, I would not have given them a +1.

kmt_cas

We're with the other ladies who only invited single people with a guest if they didn't know many others at the wedding.  I have a few girlfriends who aren't dating anyone seriously right now but we aren't doing a +1 because they'll know a bunch of other people there.

Galaxy8227

If they are OOT guests, I would include them with a plus 1 even if they aren't in a serious relationship.  Otherwise, if they know other people that they can sit with and hang out with for the night, then it's fine not to give them a plus 1

nantucketirish

I think you have a lot of good advice here. I agree with OOT guests guetting a +1 but anyone else who is single can simply mingle, or not go to your wedding. if they know you well enough to get invited, they should go to celebrate with you regardless. if they don't want to or they complain, they can simply think about who is paying for the wedding (not them).

jonchrissy

Thanks everyone! There are only 2 people from out of town and they're my best friends who live in DC together, they're both very single and will know at least 5 other friends and most of my family as well. If between the time we're estimating our guest list and when we send out invites they do find someone serious, I will invite them. But for the time being I'm going to leave all single guests without a plus one.

MandahGirly

We have done the same thing - And so far, all of our single friends are coming - Most of our friends know each other, so it won't be a big deal if they come stag because they have plenty of people to hang out with!

jaguarjen

We're not doing any +1 as such, but we'll be asking each of the singles on the list if there is a significant other or, for the OOT guests, someone they would like to bring with them.  We're not making the call as to what relationships are serious enough, and for OOT guests, it may not even be someone they're seeing, could be a family member or friend -- but if they can't give us a name, then they don't get a guest. 

Shazzie116

We followed those guidelines, because 98% of our single friends were part of a larger group of friends attending, so they wouldn't feel alone or bored. Everyone had a great time! Heck, my single buddy from college danced with my mom all night!

We only had one friend who did not attend because he couldn't bring someone with him. He was part of the large group of friends from college, so it's not like he didn't know anyone. It's kind of a touchy subject though, a much longer story. Ugh.

eouellet

Yes, we invited all of our single friends with guests.  I'd say about half brought guests, and half did not.  

ShaboAE

Single people also look at weddings as a way to potentially meet new people, too, so provided they will know other people there, I think it would be fine to not invite a +1.

CCBelle

Sounds like I'm in the minority, but I felt very strongly that every person should be allowed to bring a date.  Who am I to judge if their relationship is "serious" or not.  Also, I booked my venue - and created my guest list - almost a year in advance.  That was plenty of time for a person to go from casually dating to serious.  I also trusted my friends to only bring a guest if it was someone they were serious about and not someone they just picked up at a bar.

Side Story: When I had just started dating DH, a friend called to tell me she had picked her wedding date and they were trying to save money so I was not allowed to bring a date as "I wasn't in a serious and committed relationship."  Of course, I acted nice and polite to the bride, but I was fuming on the inside.  By the time her wedding rolled around, I was still dating DH (obviously).  We weren't living together or engaged yet so I don't know if the OP wouldn't have considered the relationship "serious," be we were engaged a few months later.

I just personally believe that inviting your guests with a date is the polite thing to do.  Save money in other ways that aren't at your guests expense.

kebmtm071605

We invited everyone with a guest.  I would say about 50% brought one and 50% didn't.  We didn't have a ton of truly single guests though.

When I was single, I have always been invited to a wedding with the option to bring a guest, except for one wedding (which was a destination family wedding with less than 50 guests total).  Depending on the circumstances of the wedding, I have chosen to bring and not bring a guest.  If I were single...if it was a family wedding, I probably wouldn't bring a guest with me, but if it was a wedding where I would know few people other than the bride and groom, I probably wouldl bring a guest.

doobietala

We invited everyone with a plus one.  We did this mainly b/c most people are 30 and older and I feel like they should have the option to bring a date.  With that said, most of the single people we are inviting know each other and hang out on most weekends, so we are hoping that they do not bring a plus one. 

I've just been in the position where i didn't have a "serious" boyfriend and I was only given a single ticket and that kind of irked me.  I felt like I was being a little discrimmated against b/c I didn't have a serious bf.  We have a few out-of-towners and they defintiely should be given the plus one option. 

But, you know your friends best, if you think they won't care about not being invited with a date...then don't worry about.