Vent: So confused :(

Krystalynne21

Fi and I have been fighting lately....a lot. We haven't spoken to each other in almost a week.  Weird thing is, it's not even bothering me.  The more wedding planning I do, and the more I talk about it, the less I think I really want to get married.  I love him, but I honestly don't think marriage is a good idea for us.  I am so confused and have no idea what to do!  I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off

noodle_oo

Oh, I'm so sorry!  How long have you been feeling this way?  Do you think it is just cold feet and the stress of the wedding or do you think it is something more serious?  I will say that FI and I have been fighting a lot about the wedding, I think it is just stress.  But we usually make up within a few hours and I never really feel like I don't want to get married (even though sometimes I say it).  If you've been feeling this strongly, maybe you guys should try some couples therapy just to make sure you are ready for marriage.  It is a huge committment, and if you are having doubts, I'd definitely at least talk it out between you both, maybe with a professional if you need to.

Good luck!

jacquikev

If your having doubts now then its a good thing not to go through with it feeling this way. IT could be wedding planning bumps or you could be thinking smart. Dont get into planning and spending the money and end up feeling this same way after your married and end up hating each other or divorced. Talk to someone.. talk to your FI.. do some thinking. You dont want to end up doing anything you regret. Who knows it could just be pre wedding jitters. but to get married to someone you want to be sure. I hope you work everything out whichever way works better for you. I cant imagine how horrible you must be feeling. Good wishes your way!! knottie vibes! 

woodie

I'm so sorry!

Believe it or not, you'll have fights like this even after you're married. There'll be times when you wonder if you love each other or why you're together.  Marriage isn't always sunshine and lollipops.   8)

Before making any huge decisions, ask your husband-to-be to go into couples counseling with you.    A professional might be able to get to the source of the problem. 

You'll also feel better knowing that you've put 100% of your effort into making this relationship work. 

Good luck and be gentle with yourself.

EKobrenski

Aw, I'm sorry!  That's a really hard situation.  I think you def should meet with a counselor to help you work it out.  FI and I went when we first got engaged, more to make sure there were no major issues that needed to be worked out, and to sort of start our marriage with a clean slate. I really thought it was helpful.  I can PM you the info if it's something you're interested in.  also, *big knottie hug* 

jonchrissy

I'm sorry to hear all of this! Wedding planning is very stressful, FI and I didn't really fight before we got engaged and I feel like we do a lot more now. But when we fight we make up and it's never made either of us feel like we didn't want to marry each other. It sounds like you alone might benefit from the counselor at least to get an idea as to why you're confused.

jwatts23

sending you good vibes your way...such a hard situation! But I agree with the PP's maybe try counseling to at least give it a shot. Couldn't hurt to try

jkepros

I agree with PP that there is a ton of added stress while wedding planning and that the number of fights and/or severity can increase.  After all, once you are engaged when you are mad you can each start throwing around statements like, "I don't even want to marry you anymore!" which you can't really do when you are just dating.

Counseling could really help.  Even just having a serious discussion and talking about what you each think is going wrong can help too.  I know we were fighting a lot a couple months ago, and each THOUGHT it was because of other things, but then realized that a part of it was that FI felt a little ignored/left out when I was doing wedding stuff that he wasn't particularly interested in.  Plus we both had some anxiety about the money and not to mention getting married is a HUGE life changing commitment.  Instead we decided to make time to spend with each other each day when we didn't even MENTION the "w" word.  It's really helped so much!

Hang in there.  You may decide it's just stress.  It may be more serious issues.  Either way try to stay rational and things will work out how they were meant to be.

Good luck, good knottie vibes, and big hugs!!! 

Krystalynne21

thanks girls....you guys always make me feel better! i cant vent to my fam, because they just tell me to get over it.  sooooo not helpful!

Beantown Mama

I know I'm late on this but just wanted to send a big hug your way. I know that having a child adds so much stress to a relationship and wedding planning on top of it has caused many fights between me and Fi as well. I'm here if you need to vent!!