SERIOUSLY!!!

noodle_oo

Nevermind.

MeaghanandMichael

I am confused... are you ok?

CCBelle

You caught my attention :-)

noodle_oo

Sorry, guys.  Had a tough night.  My FI's sister is being a complete jerk.  She's upset that FI is not having her husband as a groomsman.  (note that she is actually a groomswoman).  Turned into a huge thing.  Through the course of the conversation we found out that the only reason she asked me to be in her wedding was because she thought she had to have me or else FI wouldn't be in her wedding.  Which she made sure to remind FI of:  I had your FI, you owe me.  I didn't know that was the case.

Also relevant:  FI and i have been together for over 10 years.  We have only actually met her husband 3 times, one of which was at their wedding (they live pretty far away).  Am I wrong to believe that we should get to choose who stands up for us?  We really only wanted people who have supported us through our long relationship to stand up for us.  I didn't realize she'd be such a jerk about it.

<sigh />  I seriously didn't realize how awful some people can be.  I thought this was OUR wedding.  I guess I was wrong.

Areden

Noodle,
WHAT a mess!  I am so sorry!  I cannnot believe she brought up that she only had you in the wedding to guarantee she'd get her brother/your FI too.  How fake.  That must have cheapened the whole experience for you.

I expereinced something similar... expectations that a family member of FI's be in my party, despite the fact that she's been downright mean/hurtful to me in the past.  For me, I decided I'd rather bite the bullet and play the political game and have her be in the wedding, rather than stir the drama up further.

It's completely up to you, and I would totally agree/support your decision not to have her husband in the party, but on the other hand, I also think sometimes its better to keep the peace than prove a point/principle.  You just have to pick your battles.

Best of luck!!  I'm curious what you decide to do...

noodle_oo

Ultimately it is FI's decision.  I didn't really want his BIL in the party, but I told FI if he wanted to do it to make FSIL happy, I'd deal.  But he agreed with me.  And that was the FIRST time she brought it up, a few months ago.

Now she's brought it up several more times, lastly tonight.  Before, I was okay with sucking it up.  Now, no way.  She also tried to guilt FI into it by saying 1) BIL thinks we don't want him to come to the wedding (uh, come again?) and 2) turns out he hasn't actually said anything, but FSIL wants FI to want him to be in the wedding.  (does that make sense?).  It is all just total crap.  Especially since FI's siblings pretty much refused to acknowledge that I existed for the first 7 years of our relationship.  The hypocrisy of it all is what kills me the most.

I actually was quite touched when she asked me to be a BM.  I thought we had turned a corner.  Now I'm feeling pretty stupid and insulted.

jacquikev

All I can say  is.. what a bitch

MeaghanandMichael

Awww that sucks a lot! ::hugs:: Family situations are so sticky like this. I am also a huge fan of having who you want to stand up there with you, so that is my vote. But, in the end it might be best to keep the peace.

Starmusica

awww that is awful! Sorry about that! not only is it stressful for your wedding but its hurtful to you! That is so unnecesary... hang in there!

MeaghanandMichael

Threadjack: I see you made the switch Star

Starmusica

yep. I'm back thanks for your advice!

CassiePEI

Remember:  it's your day, not hers.  Do what YOU want to do.

jwatts23

I hope things work out Noodle.  It's hard when it comes to families because you are stuck with them in the end.  Sometimes it's easier to just have them in the wedding because of all the fall out that you would deal with.  But I like Meaghan's guts -- you SHOULD have the people you want on your big day standing up for you.

Sending you some good vibes

noodle_oo

Thanks guys!  FI and his sister had a long talk last ngiht and while I still think she just doesn't get it, she has agreed to not bring it up again.  I'm so surprised this is coming from her seeing as she just got married and I thought she would be more sympathetic to the stresses of wedding planning.  But whatever.  I'm still pissed and i actually really want to email her to make it clear that she was out of line (she has a tendency to bully my poor sweet FI, who just takes it, even though he's the eldest!).  But I am going to be good and just let it pass rather than make it worse. 

But man, I'm still mad at her.  Grrr...