Couple friends?!

SocialWorker2B

So what are all of your social lives like? I feel as if H and I are in an awkward uncool teenage phase. He had a group of close friends before we got together and they weren't used to him having a girlfriend (and they didn't take well to it) so long story short, they're no longer in our lives.

I have two close friends - one is engaged and one has a new boyfriend. However, all three of us (the two of them aren't friends) have conflicting schedules. Plus, for the second one at least, I feel as if we are at different points in life.

Sooo....my question, how do you guys make new couple friends?

I did join a couples group on meetup.com but since the school semester just ended, I haven't been able to go to anyway (totally my fault) and what I really need is a South Shore group, not a Boston one anyway.

I feel like I try to address this problem every month and then I forgot about it until next month when I'm bored/lonely/unhappy and then I try to address it again. The cycle must end!

Oh, and P.S. our jobs/my school aren't options (all older people and then all single women). Thanks so much, ladies! :-)

kmt_cas

Well is there anything you're both passionate about?  For example, my FI''s roommates gf is very passionate about MS because it runs in her family and therefore she is very involved in helping out in local MS functions.  She and FI's roommate go to a bunch of meetings/functions and they've made a bunch of connections.  Where she loses me is when she talks about running in the Boston marathon!  Lol.  I'll be there with a sign cheering her on though!

So that's always an option.  Volunteering for a cause that has affected you.  I've never heard of these couple get togethers....so I can't comment on them being good or bad experiences.  FI and I usually just meet people at school/work so that isn't helpful in your situation.  This may be off the wall, but do you guys collect anything?  Have a hobby?  They have conventions for EVERYTHING - maybe you could start going to a convention and meeting people that way?

kmt_cas

And I know you're specifically looking for couples friends, but really all of my best friends, well except for a few, are single.  We all go out together with FI and have a great time.  No one feels like the 3rd wheel or anything - well maybe they did 4+ years ago, but they're such good friends with FI now that it isn't that way.  So don't rule anyone out just because they aren't in a relationship.

MelissaWhall

FI and I are a couple but, we are pretty independant of each other, I hang with my friends all the time, some are single some are not. Same for him. Sometimes I do set him up on "grown man play dates" he hates that. Sometimes we will all go out in a big group and he tends to just talk football with my girlfriends husbands or BFs......I don't think you should limit your socializing to just couples, people are so different. alot of times my FI isnt always thrilled with my girlfriends signif. others but he is polite and has a good time. It may be hard to find that perfect match......but, I would not have that make or break your social life together:):)

kedoo

I hear ya on this one... I'm in the same boat a bit myself. We're the first couple out of our college buddies to get engaged and the rest are all lovin' the bachelor/bachelorette lives. We do have a ton of fun together still but when you're lookin for a double date or a fun couples night- it's hard. My FI and I were even talking about getting a vacay planned with another couple but my friends' who are married aren't in the same place financially as we are, so that's out of the picture.
It's funny- FI and I were JUST talking about this same thing the other night-- trying to find other couples to hang with.
I hear a lot of stories about going to a bar and meeting other couples at the same bar like twice a month and all hanging out together. i guess if you have one bar that's close to you and you always go to that could be an option-- looking for another fun couple just hanging out.
I haven't found a solution yet... Good luck!

nikkiblueeyes823

FI's friends all live in other states far far away, so he feels like he doesn't get to do anything and resents the fact that all my friends are in serious relationships or married already don't have get together as couples.  My friends and I have been close since pre-school.  Its always been us girls.  We don't normally invite the guys out because its hard for us to get together on a regular basis.  I think he feels like his age has something to do with it.  He is 10 years older than I am.  I think he puts that in front of him.  We don't.  A lot of my friends are within the 27-33 range.  But being 37 he feels out of place. 

Now he has discovered facebook and still gets mad that the friends that he had before don't have poker night or bbq's and stuff like that.  I think he just wants to relive the good old days or something.  I keep telling him to go join a league of some sort.

Shazzie116

Our groups of friends is a healthy mix of singles and couples. We tend to hang out with whoever, whenever. Sometimes we go a month or so without really hanging out with others, but that's because of FI's work schedule and me running up to Boston for planning stuff.

Most of my close friends in CT who did not originate from FI's college friends are girls I grew close to at work, and we've become friends with their SOs too.

Also, don't feel limited to hanging out with couples, there's no rule that says you have to. FI is working all day today and about 4 of his guy friends are coming over to hang out with me and watch football and consume the leftover food and booze from 2 parties this weekend. It's going to be a blast!

Think about things you guys could do together to meet new people. Take a cooking class, or maybe a ballroom dancing class, sign up for a 5K. I'm sure you'll think of ways to get out there and meet new people.

jkepros

I think it's hard to make new friends. 

I've worked at my company for a long time, and am friends with some people I work with, but my company hasn't hired anyone new in like a year bc of the bad economy.  FI works at home, so we don't meet people that way.

We both have friends from before we started dating, but like you said, a lot of them are single (not that there's a problem with that)--but they don't always get that we have expenses and spending a couple hundred dollars on a night out isn't an option.  Or they are in a relationship, but we have conflicting schedules.  Or they are in a relationship, but they are at a different stage (buying houses/trying to get pregnant/getting divorced/etc). 

I used to go out almost every night, but FI has health issues, so we can't go out that much.  Plus, we're trying to save money for the wedding and our life AFTER the wedding, and, well, we're older and there's not a huge appeal to being hungover or super tired the next day.

I also think it's hard to force a friendship.  There are people we are friends with and have a lot in common with, but personality wise, we just don't click that well.  And other friends we have almost nothing in common with, but we can chat for hours. 

I'd suggest just trying to be open to meeting new people.  Charity/volunteer work can be a great way.  Meeting people via a cooking class or exercise class or something like that is a possibility.  Meeting people online via different chat rooms & message boards specific to something you're interested in, etc.

Over time relationships change and people go through different stages in their lives.  I know that once everyone starts having babies, we'll be the odd ones out again (we aren't going to have children).  But just try to be open minded--you never know who you might randomly meet who could end up your new BFF. 

SocialWorker2B

Thanks, ladies, for all the great advice! :-)

Like someone was saying on my anniversary board today, whoever thought it would be hard to make friends at age 23? Or whatever age you are. I feel so young, which I am, and yet it seems so hard to make friends. I've always had a hard time making friends.

Jkepros - I have a bunch of medical problems too so it's hard to find people who understand that and it makes making plans and keeping them and going out difficult, impossible sometimes.

I think I will take everyone's advice and start volunteering with my DH. He's so picky so it will be hard to find a class he will like but that would be awesome if I could. I will also start going to those meetups, I will!

Thanks again, ladies! I really appreciate it. :-)