Help- Uninvited Guests

smilecrazy8

Hey everyone,
So I sent out invitations last week and anticipated having problems with people wanting to bring guests- we had to cut the list down substantially so that we were closer to the number of people allowed in the reception hall and therefore did not give some people a +guest. I factored in that typically only 80% come so we invited about 20% more and left everyone else on our B-list. To avoid this issue, I decided to be pretty blunt by noting on each invitation how many people were invited on each invitation. Perhaps rude but I wanted to be clear and upfront. Well, I've already gotten several people asking if they can bring dates and I feel TERRIBLE! I want to tell everyone they can all come but I really just can't. Has anyone been through this? Any way I can make it clearer? Additionally, I had a bridesmaid ask to bring a date- I feel its more appropriate that she be allowed to bring someone (she wasn't dating anyone when we originally put the list together...) but am I just being weak and caving again?

Any advice or suggestions are appreciated!
Thanks!

sboston06

I think it's appropriate to allow your BM to bring a guest, but if her guest doesn't know anyone else, he (or she) might feel awkward while she's off taking pictures and getting hair & makeup done pre-ceremony.

Otherwise, I can't really advise.  I forsee the same problem and I know I will also cave.

ctag416

I would let your bridesmaid bring someone but everyone else probably not.  I would just nicely tell them that due to the size of your reception site you are only allowed to invite a certain amount of people and they cannot bring a guest.

I'm sure it is super stressful.

Goodluck.

Ainslie325

If you've been as fair and equitable as possible, I wouldn't cave.  You have made the determination that you can't afford for all of your guests to bring dates, and you've obviously carefully considered that choice (weighing it out against other wedding expenses, etc.).  If I'm reading correctly, you worded your reply cards in such a way that it should be clear to guests how many are invited.  If it really is this clear, I'm a little surprised by their forwardness in asking. 

If you're questioned further, I WOULD NOT get into your rationalization behind the +1's you did allow for ("well, she's a BM," or "we only invited +1's for couples who are engaged/living together/have been together for x amount of time, etc.").  This provides peoplewith a potential opening to disagree with your rationale (and tell you about it).  It's best and easiest just to say "I'm sorry-- we really wish we could have invited everyone with a guest, but we aren't able to.  I hope you understand."  Don't make it about relationships, or money, or venue size-- just leave it at that.

Bottom line: it's your preference whom to invite.  If you feel strongly about the list you've put together, you should be preared to stick by it.  As far as your bridesmaid goes, I personally think inviting bridal party members with a guest is a matter of courtesy.  Even that, though,is a matter of personal opinion-- and you shouldn't feel obligated to take mine!

Shazzie116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:ec722e00-fffa-4f76-8322-81e1fecf9b81Post:f1d06a84-28d9-40c7-afe9-66686baa2f54">Re: Help- Uninvited Guests</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as your bridesmaid goes, I personally think inviting bridal party members with a guest is a matter of courtesy.
Posted by Ainslie325[/QUOTE]
 <div>Great advice from these girls. From my experience, when I was a BM in my brother's wedding, DH and I had broken up for about 2 months a year prior. He'd been asked (pre-break up) to be a groomsman, and when we were broken up, I asked if I'd still be allowed a guest and my SIL said no, I wasn't in a relationship. It really stung, especially being the only BM who was not married. Thankfully we got back together and it wasn't a problem, but I think when it comes to your wedding party and closest friends, you should take extra steps to make it a special day for them as well, with the option of having someone by their side. </div>

njlfred

I think my answer depends on how you determined who was able to bring a guest and who was not.  Were all people in a relationship allowed to bring a significant other?  Were some single guests not in a relationship alllowed a +1 while others were not?  I really think you need to have a guideline and stick with it.  That wasn't clear to me from your post above.  I don't think it's a bad thing to stand your ground and not allow more people to bring guests as long as everything is equitable.  Was your bridesmaid an oversight because when you drafted the original list, you assumed she was not dating someone but now that you know she is dating someone, are others guests in a relationship of a similar length being allowed a guest?

I can say from personal experience that I noticed (not in a good way) in the past when I was invited without a plus 1 but others are allowed to bring a guest. 

blondie82784

I've had the same thing happen but most people understood... i told the people I did it because i have a limited number of seats and that's it. I didn't get into detail. i only had a couple that asked why they weren't allowed to bring guest. Those were the ones who no one knew were in a relationship or had started one after the invite was sent out. I did allow guest that were in a committed relationship or living together to bring a guest.

As for your BM. I think its only appropriate to allow them to bring a guest they are part of your wedding party

w8tilucme

maybe address the issue when you have an idea of what the guest list will be? say perhaps "we have a limiited number of guests but I will let you know if we will have room????

it is hard, we had only 2 write ins...but I was older and after hearing what my friends went thru (most likely with me!!!) they were on thier best behavior!!!  I let my "and guests" slide....I wished that I could have invited "and guests" for everyone though...and no one knew which ones were not invited!