Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??

whitelilly1010

I am a BM in a wedding in two weeks.  A few weeks ago I wanted to cut my hair short but knew I would end up wanting it at least this length in order to do my hair for the wedding so I didn't.  However, when I mentioned that I wanted to cut it I was told "No cutting or dyeing my hair before the wedding."  The bride wants all BM's to wear their hair curly and half up.  Not sure why it matters how long my hair is because one of the BM's has short hair already.  I was also told to go tanning.  Granted I am ghostly white, the color of the dress does not flatter my complexion, and one of the BM's is really tan.  However, isn't that my decision considering the health risks.  I was also told I have to get a manicure and pedicure with a french tip and a line, the color of my dress, underneath the white.  I was permitted to use my real nails but only if they are long enough. 
I informed the bride that my medical career does not permit me to have extremely long or fake nails so that is not a realistic demand.  However, I will grow my nails as long as I can and get the design she requested.  The mother of the groom thinks I should "be nicer." 
I think they are forgetting that I changed my schedule, bought the $400 plane ticket to fly to the event, bought and will wear the $200 dress that I don't like and looks terrible on me, bought the $70 shoes, didn't cut my hair, and sent her gifts even though she didn't have a bridal shower (she didn't want one).  I will also be getting and paying for the manicure and pedicure she requested regardless of the length of my nails.
In addition, the mother of the groom told me that the WP is to come and help set up everything for the wedding at 8am Friday.  She also mentioned that the bride and groom will not be coming to assist because it is not proper etiquette.  I've never heard this one before.  I was a bit snippy at one point and replied that she should call me when the bride or groom showed up because that is when I will come.  She then started with the excuses saying that the groom had to work.  Well everyone in the wedding party works as well.  So why is it a demand for us and not them???  I could see them not helping if they hired someone to do it but to expect everyone else to without asking and without your presence I think is poor etiquette.
So is it just me....are these demands realistic to ask of someone in the WP or too much?  Should I not be upset that I am expected to help all day Friday/Saturday morning without the Bride or Groom assisting??

Mrs.B6302007

reality -------------------------------------------------------------> bride


If she's demanding hair/makeup/nails as part of the "decor" she should be paying.

Mrs.B6302007

And making y'all set up and miss work?  OVer the line.

specialk84

I'm bitchy and would cut ten inches off my hair the night before, but that's just me.

They are being unreasonable.  Stand up for yourself and don't be a doormat.  (I mean that in a really nice way.)

opalsky007

Not just bridezilla. MOGzilla. Ridiculous.

adamar15

Whoa.  If it was me, I'd be out of that wedding party ASAP.  There is no reason to put up with all of the crazy.

Stackeye210

I'd probably have told someone to kick rocks by now.

If someone was telling me how to wear my nails and hair I'd ask them where to meet them so they could pay for it. 

They're way out of line.  Way......way......way out there. 

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-alone-thinking-this-bridezilla-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00790048-6c50-4abb-b721-09821b7ee407Post:27a7605f-8d5a-4d24-b1d9-fdd5d0245dc6">Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a BM in a wedding in two weeks.  A few weeks ago I wanted to cut my hair short but knew I would end up wanting it at least this length in order to do my hair for the wedding so I didn't.  However, when I mentioned that I wanted to cut it I was told "No cutting or dyeing my hair before the wedding."  The bride wants all BM's to wear their hair curly and half up.  Not sure why it matters how long my hair is because one of the BM's has short hair already.  I was also told to go tanning.  Granted I am ghostly white, the color of the dress does not flatter my complexion, and one of the BM's is really tan.  However, isn't that my decision considering the health risks.  I was also told I have to get a manicure and pedicure with a french tip and a line, the color of my dress, underneath the white.  I was permitted to use my real nails but only if they are long enough.  I informed the bride that my medical career does not permit me to have extremely long or fake nails so that is not a realistic demand.  However, I will grow my nails as long as I can and get the design she requested.  The mother of the groom thinks I should "be nicer."  <em><strong>I think they are forgetting that I changed my schedule, bought the $400 plane ticket to fly to the event, bought and will wear the $200 dress that I don't like and looks terrible on me, bought the $70 shoes, didn't cut my hair, and sent her gifts even though she didn't have a bridal shower (she didn't want one).</strong></em>  I will also be getting and paying for the manicure and pedicure she requested regardless of the length of my nails. In addition, the mother of the groom told me that the WP is to come and help set up everything for the wedding at 8am Friday.  She also mentioned that the bride and groom will not be coming to assist because it is not proper etiquette.  I've never heard this one before.  I was a bit snippy at one point and replied that she should call me when the bride or groom showed up because that is when I will come.  She then started with the excuses saying that the groom had to work.  Well everyone in the wedding party works as well.  So why is it a demand for us and not them???  I could see them not helping if they hired someone to do it but to expect everyone else to without asking and without your presence I think is poor etiquette. So is it just me....are these demands realistic to ask of someone in the WP or too much?  Should I not be upset that I am expected to help all day Friday/Saturday morning without the Bride or Groom assisting??
Posted by whitelilly1010[/QUOTE]

I think you are forgetting that you should have had some idea of what to expect when you said "yes" to being a BM.  Now the nail thing I can understand b/c of your job....I'm thinking a nurse maybe?...but the rest of this goes with the territory.

No you should not be upset b/c you should WANT to help your friend.  How would you feel if this was your wedding and one of your BM's felt this way?  Please tell me you didn't think you were just going to buy a dress and show up?

This isn't about you.  This is about supporting your friend and that means helping out with setup too.  What's the big deal anyways?  Did you have some prior committment that morning or something?

You should be a better friend IMO. 

mica178

Ick.  Sorry OP.  That's just horrible stuff that they're asking you to do.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-alone-thinking-this-bridezilla-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00790048-6c50-4abb-b721-09821b7ee407Post:331e5a92-45a2-43f7-83f5-e123beae655d">Re: Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish?? : I think you are forgetting that you should have had some idea of what to expect when you said "yes" to being a BM.  Now the nail thing I can understand b/c of your job....I'm thinking a nurse maybe?...but the rest of this goes with the territory. No you should not be upset b/c you should WANT to help your friend.  How would you feel if this was your wedding and one of your BM's felt this way?  Please tell me you didn't think you were just going to buy a dress and show up? This isn't about you.  This is about supporting your friend and that means helping out with setup too.  What's the big deal anyways?  Did you have some prior committment that morning or something? You should be a better friend IMO. 
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

No.  JUST NO.  JUST NO!!!!!! 

adamar15

Is that sarcasm font?  Tell me it's sarcasm font.

MyNameIsNot

Holy wow.

I would change my flight so that I got in on Saturday morning, and tell his MOG to shove it up her arse.

bmoruzzi

That is totally ridiculous.  My FSIL is a BM in another wedding.  She also said the bride told her she needed to get a tan before the wedding.  SERIOUSLY?  I would never jeopardize my health by going to a tanning booth.  That bride is nuts.

HockeyFan4

ignore the previous poster OBX.

i'd be miffed.  i think you should talk to your friend the bride....i wonder if she knows the MOG is saying all this.



*edit to clarify who i was saying to ignore

hz80408

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-alone-thinking-this-bridezilla-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00790048-6c50-4abb-b721-09821b7ee407Post:5a6ac2bd-b281-4442-b24f-6afdeb392c0a">Re: Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??</a>:
[QUOTE]Whoa.  If it was me, I'd be out of that wedding party ASAP.  There is no reason to put up with all of the crazy.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

This...can you return your dress and ticket to get some money back?

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-alone-thinking-this-bridezilla-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:00790048-6c50-4abb-b721-09821b7ee407Post:00582bb3-0180-4270-b5ee-4aae0e00b2b1">Re: Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??</a>:
[QUOTE]Is that sarcasm font?  Tell me it's sarcasm font.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Here's to hoping that it is.

mica178

OBX -- I think it's too much to ask the WP to tan or have nails of a certain length or not cut their hair. 

Setting up before the wedding, well, I think that's a decision up to the bride and the WP, but I think if the bride isn't doing any of the set up, she should pay up rather than ask the WP to do it.

Avion22

Nails -- fine, if the bride pays for it (and it's allowed for your job)
Hair -- she won't let you cut it?  That's kinda mean, considering one of the other girls has short hair already...but I guess it's not a huge deal to wait two weeks.
Tan - no way.  Too many health risks.  Plus most fake tans look REALLY fake on pale people, so if you haven't tried a bunch of spray tans out you might pick something that will turn you orange.
Setup -- So YOU have to miss work, but they don't?

One of these demands wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but ALL of them?

And yeah, I think when you agree to be a BM, you know you're going to buy a plane ticket (usually), probably pay for your own dress, and maybe help plan a shower or something.  Anything more than that is a little unreasonable. 

adamar15

A lot of my friends and family helped set up my wedding, but I did not ask them to and you can bet your ass I was right there next to them.

OBX2011

Ok maybe I am reading this differently....or just not thinking clearly

I do agree with PP's about her paying for the hair if she is requiring certain styles.

I do think it's in poor taste that the B&G aren't helping out and I didn't know there was an etiquette rule on this??  That's news to me b/c I plan on being right there. 

I did not mean to come across as harsh, just looking at things from different sides.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-alone-thinking-this-bridezilla-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00790048-6c50-4abb-b721-09821b7ee407Post:331e5a92-45a2-43f7-83f5-e123beae655d">Re: Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish?? : I think you are forgetting that you should have had some idea of what to expect when you said "yes" to being a BM.  Now the nail thing I can understand b/c of your job....I'm thinking a nurse maybe?...but the rest of this goes with the territory. No you should not be upset b/c you should WANT to help your friend.  How would you feel if this was your wedding and one of your BM's felt this way?  Please tell me you didn't think you were just going to buy a dress and show up? This isn't about you.  This is about supporting your friend and that means helping out with setup too.  What's the big deal anyways?  Did you have some prior committment that morning or something? You should be a better friend IMO. 
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

NO. The WP is not getting paid, so they can't be treated as such. This bride has gone way past the Bridezilla line.

OP, if the bride demands that you set-up tell her your hourly rate for set-up is $30.00 per hour and you only accept cash.

mizjodi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-alone-thinking-this-bridezilla-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00790048-6c50-4abb-b721-09821b7ee407Post:331e5a92-45a2-43f7-83f5-e123beae655d">Re: Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Am I alone in thinking this is Bridezilla-ish?? : I think you are forgetting that you should have had some idea of what to expect when you said "yes" to being a BM.  Now the nail thing I can understand b/c of your job....I'm thinking a nurse maybe?...but the rest of this goes with the territory. No you should not be upset b/c you should WANT to help your friend.  How would you feel if this was your wedding and one of your BM's felt this way?  Please tell me you didn't think you were just going to buy a dress and show up? This isn't about you.  This is about supporting your friend and that means helping out with setup too.  What's the big deal anyways?  Did you have some prior committment that morning or something? You should be a better friend IMO. 
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

COMPLETELY off-base! The only "requirements" for a WP is to show up and support the bride and groom. That's it. Anything else is icing on the cake.

wareagle5678

Requirements of being a BM: 1. Buy dress. 2. Show up on time for ceremony. Everything else is optional. If she had asked you if you could help her with setup, that would have been one thing. But to EXPECT or DEMAND anything else of you is too much. And the hair/nails/tan thing is just crazy.

Mrs.B6302007

Sorry, OBX.  I'm with the others.

Stackeye210

OBX it is one thing to WANT to help the bride.....it is clearly another thing to be TOLD.  Don't ride your bike backwards, you're going to get hurt. 

OBX2011

Ok ok ok....I am way off on this one, my apologies.

I didn't mean to come across as this being acceptable.  I meant the nail thing as I can understand where YOU are coming from b/c of the job and she should be more understanding, that is a bit much.  The same goes for hair and especially the tanning part.

I very much stand corrected (thank you ladies) and yes, ignore my poor advice noted above. 

I surely would not treat my WP this way and am sorry that you are dealing with this. 

Stackeye210

Oh thank goodness.....you were scaring me!

whitelilly1010

OBX2011:  Thank you for your opinion.  I have been in many other weddings.  I knew plenty of what I was getting into.  I expected the following: to fly home, buy a dress, and to assist the Bride or Groom when possible.  I was NOT expecting nor have I ever been requested to: go tanning, not cut or dye my hair, have my hair done a certain way (that part I am fine with though), told to get fake nails, miss work (even though I willingly do) or to set up and handle the prewedding coordination without the assistance of the Bride or Groom.  I also think my patience, understanding, compliance, and silence to the Bride, Groom, and MOG is part of me being a good friend amongst the many other things.  I think you are forgetting that it is important for the Bride and Groom to continue to be a good friend throughout the planning as well. 

jessicabessica

I think in addition to going way beyond the duties of a bridesmaid, the bride is trying to make you a prop by controlling your hair length/style, nail length/style, tan, etc.  While I think it's generally agreed that the bride can request certain hair and makeup things if she pays, what your friend is doing seems over the top for so many reasons. 

beckys67

Be glad your not the groom! Being a bride doesn't give you the right to be a witch. Stand your ground.

tenofcups4me

Totally bridezilla. You mentioned the MOG a few times -- is the groom a brother or BIL? Because I think that could change how you respond to being asked to help set up. (I'd do it to keep peace in the family, but probably not for a friend -- if the couple can't bother to do it, I don't see why I should.)

But for the nails, hair, and tanning --  just don't discuss it her anymore. Keep your nails the length you're comfortable with (though I'd cave and get them done the way she wants), don't tan if you don't want to, and either get your hair cut or don't, but it's your choice. Whatever you decide in any of those areas, just do (or don't do) what works best for you and don't even engage in a conversation about it.

Those are crazy requests.