Would you trust your parents to give you money they'd promised?

emilyinchile

The thread about univiting guests because the OP's mom couldn't give $4,000 she'd said she would got some comments from people saying that the would have planned for the worst and saved the $4,000 themselves anyway. Obviously it's always a good thing to have more money, but I was surprised just because it wouldn't occur to me to think my dad might not follow through - I know he'd still be able to give me money he'd promised if an unexpected emergency arose..

brilibby4

My mother is awful with money and tends to break promises so I am prepared to get nothing from her even though she claims she will "help as much as she can".  However, my father is definitely trustworthy and I won't worry about that at all.  Fiance's family is not helping us pay for the wedding but I probably would have a back up plan if they were because money is tight for them and a small problem could change their ability to help. 

squirrly

I trust my parents entirely.  But, if I traded places with some of my friends and was considering their parents, my vote would change.  I think it really involves knowing your parents and making decisions accordingly.

Edited b/c my brain and my fingers don't work at the same speed. 

Brie2010

Yeah, I trusted my mom, largely because if she didn't give us money, we'd be doing a JOP/picnic reception and that is probably her worst nightmare. 

mocha beans

I really want to believe that everyone will follow through when they say they'll pay for x, y and z, but I just can't be sure enough without having a backup plan.  My mom, I wouldn't trust her if she says she'll give me $10 because her situation is ridiculously tight financially.  My dad I think I would, but not for sure until I have the cash in hand.  Just given the current state of the economy and whatnot, there's just too much risk of something happening.

WildRumpus

Nope. There have been too many things that have happened in the past regarding money with my family and with his family to actually count on any promised money. Would it be a nice bonus? Absolutely. But we're paying for everything ourselves, that way there's no one responsible for payments but us.

tenofcups4me

I trusted my parents and the ex's parents 100%. They had never in our lives given us any reason to doubt they'd follow through on a promise, and both ended up contributing more along the way than they'd originally said. 

Dh and I had a very small wedding with no contributions from either set of parents (we'd both been married before), but I would also trust his parents 100% since any time they've made any kind of promise, they've followed through.  

It seems to me that most times when we read about parents bailing on here, the parents have a long history of being unreliable and untrustworthy when it comes to money. So if that were the case for my parents or DH's parents, my approach would have been entirely different.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-trust-parents-give-money-theyd-promised?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:008639ec-17b9-45a2-9734-9a2f74c537afPost:daf62bcb-2e91-402d-a648-b97b94819258">Re: Would you trust your parents to give you money they'd promised?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I trusted my mom, largely because if she didn't give us money, we'd be doing a JOP/picnic reception and that is probably her worst nightmare. 
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

I'm along this line as well. Yes we saved, but there is no way we could have saved the cost of the wedding in the 8 months of planning. If our families had not contributed we would have just done a small, family only ceremony with some cake and punch in the backyard. Both of our families are very well established and the chances of something happening was slim. Plus I think sil/mil would rather have paid for everything than have us jop. When they handed my mom a check they said "We've been waiting to celebrate this day with family and friends for 10 years. Let us know if you need more."

TheCranberry

My mom says she is going to give us money, and I totally trust her to do it.  We are going to front the payments, and she is going to pay us back.  Obviously if something big happens (she loses her job, car breaks down, etc), she may not be able to give us the money, but barring anything like that, I don't expect any problems.  We're able to cover if she's not able to give us what she said.  My dad has said he will pay for one aspect of the wedding (invitations or flowers or something), but he hasn't said what or how much.

[Deleted User]

I don't trust my parents, esp my Mom. And since she runs the show and controls my Dad, there wasn't any way I was counting on them to help. They never helped me nor my sister with college, how could I believe they would help me with my wedding?

They told me they would help with our wedding and didn't end up giving us a dime. I never counted on it and we planned from the get go on paying for things ourselves. I am sure glad we did and didn't rely on them or else we would have been in a lot of debt.

[Deleted User]

FI's parents offered to pay for "thier/his" guests when we first got engaged.  I am not counting on the money.  I was for awhile and they have it for sure, but they just don't always seem to come through one things.  

FMIL said she was going to come to London and visit us for 5 or so days during the summer while I had off from school, to look for her MOG dress etc.  She never called/ mentioned it after I planned out things for us to do.  I then decided not to count on her for anything anymore.  

nhelene

We planned a wedding we could pay for ourselves from the very beginning.  I trust my parents and I trust FILs, but I didn't want to leave anything to chance...

I made most of the payments myself and was reimbursed by my parents.

banana468

I absolutely trust my parents and did when it was our wedding.

When it comes to DH's parents, I mostly trust them but I think FMIL can pull a drama card and withdraw things on that end.

katiewhompus

I think part of the trust is also the fact that dad and I talk about finances a lot. Both parents are teacher's so they have never had a lot, and we literally lost every penny when I was 5 and had to build up again from scratch. I talk to him about my finances and he talks to me about his and gives suggestions. I have a good idea of where they are financially in relation to income, bills, and savings so it's easier to accept presents from them or trust them if they say they will loan money for something.

number55

Yes, I trust my dad entirely.  He is paying for the reception and the $$ is due on October 1st. I have no fear about him paying it BUT if something happened I have enough credit to put it on my card. Not ideal by any means and it would mean a year of paying off the debt BUT the wedding would still go on as planned. 

I trust FIs parents too, they are giving us the money they are contributing this coming Tuesday. I have no doubt we will get it.

Nebb

Ive never been given any reason NOT to trust my parents word, and they both followed through with what they offered.

MissIntentional

i do trust my mom, unfortunately she couldn't afford to help with our wedding.
a few other family members promised money and we never received it. we've been married a month now and my SIL & aunt still tell us they are sending us checks in the mail. i'm not holding my breath on that one.

EiffelAnne04

I think it depends on your parents and the situation.  In general, some people are more reliable than others and it's important that you know how reliable they are before getting disappointed.

Goldlie11

I have mixed feelings.  My mom has not agreed to a specific amount.  I have not received any money yet, despite the fact that I have booked most of my vendors.  She has agreed to pay for certain aspects of the wedding.  Overall I think she'll come through with some money.  She and my step-father are pretty comfortable financially.

My only problem is that she's hassling me about the dress.  She keeps changing how much she's willing to pay for the dress.  That situation kind of made me wary of dealing with her about finances.  

Just in case, FI and I plan on saving the full amount for the wedding just in case.  If she doesn't come through with the money, we might not be able to go on a honeymoon.  

Brie2010

I should also add that I know my mom is hyper-conscious of finances, to the point that she spends the exact same amount of money on me, my sister, and DH every Christmas down to the penny and can produce proof with receipts if promised.  (She will literally buy penny candy for our stockings to even it out.)

AmoroAgain

Not on your life.  My mom said she wanted to help me pay for my wedding dress, and I let it go in one ear and out the other.  Never thought for a second she'd actually follow through with it.  I've been bit in the butt far too many times with her to think she'd actually come through.  She didn't even attend my bridal shower. 

lyndausvi

My parents - absolutely.   They do not offer anything they can not give you right then and there.  They are in such great financial situation I can't really imagine what could possible pop-up for them to go back on their word.

My MIL?  not really sure.  She has never offered us any money before, we just do not have that kind of relationship with her.  I guess if she actually did offer us money we would expect it. 

DrPB2b13

My parents can't afford to contribute, but even if they could I don't trust my mother.  Her statement when we discussed wedding finances was, "Thank GOD nobody expects us to care about your wedding nowadays.  That was a sh!tty tradition."

Theresa626

Even if I hadn't trusted my parents, there is no way I would've been able to save up 21,000 dollars to cover their share.  Regardless, I knew my parents would've paid it no matter what happened.  They have a ridiculous amount of money in other funds anyway so the cash was already there when they promised it.  I wouldn't have taken it had I known that they would not have been able to pay their bills, etc if anything happened.  

quotequeen

My dad just gave me the money he promised.  I trusted him, but there was always a small possibility that he would change his mind because of a decision that we made, so I would not have gone forward without a backup plan in place.

srkropf

This reminds me of an article where a girl sued her dad because he signed a contract to pay for college-- and then welshed-- and she won. I basically asked my parents, and with my mom she started to try to back out, but I told her, these are the things you are paying for, and I'm going to start having her sign the contracts-- therefore she is on the hook for the bill for her portion. It may seem mean and coldhearted, but they promised, and I'm counting on their promise, and will hold them to their promises. 

kayakrunhike

We completely trusted both of our parents, but with the way the economy has been lately, we would have understood if the situation had changed.  DH still has a brother in college, and my dad's company was hit hard by the recession.  We saved up for almost the entire wedding and paid it off as we went, but we also had a 2 year engagement.  We wouldn't have been able to have as nice of a wedding as we did without their help, though.

NuggetBrain

I trusted my mom and grandma without question, but I trusted my grandma more than my mom.  Only because my mom isn't in a great situation financially.  I also trusted his parents.  I did not and would not trust my dad, however.

Meg1979

I trust my mom and dad to give us what they promised.  We are saving our portion as well.  It's kind of a three-way tie between myself, my FI and my parents.  His parents have agreed to give us a certain amount for the honeymoon, but we'll see.  They are fiscally able to do it, but they tend to change their minds a lot about how they feel about me. 

lenergyrlah

My parents wouldn't pay for my college.  They did pay for my sisters' weddings but they've never acknowledged that my FI and I are dating (even though we've been dating for over 3 years at this point), and they withdrew all my savings into their checking account (basically stole my money) 2 months before I turned 21 (when I could legally get a hold of it) leaving me no way to pay for my senior year of college besides loans...so no I wouldn't trust them to pay for my wedding.

However they DID pay for my sisters' weddings and they always try to look like awesome parents so I'm pretty certain they would pay for mine but only if they're willing to pay for stuff up front.  I'm definitely not expecting to get reimbursed for anything i've already paid for.