Wedding Etiquette Forum

CNN article on DWs

Thoughts?  I don't think most people on here who have DWs expect everyone to come.  I've never been invited to a DW so I can't really comment on the friction and awkwardness this article talks about. 

If I was invited to one for someone I was close to I would probably go and make a vacation out of it.  It would have to be a close friend or close family member, though.  Right now so many of my sorority sisters are getting married in the midwest and I can't even afford the vacation/money to go to most of them.
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Re: CNN article on DWs

  • kikibabykikibaby member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    I'm having a DW and I didn't even invite my friends.  I really didn't want to burden people with the cost.  We only invited immediate family, and even with that 3 people can't come.  I knew that might happen, and I have no hard feelings towards the 3 that can't make it.  I'll bring cupcakes and sit and watch the video with them when we get home.

    ETA: I've wanted to get married in Vegas since I was a teenager.  I didn't want to give that up just to have more guests/ get more presents :)
  • We didn't expect anyone to come to ours. We basically said...well we want to elope, but you all can certainly come too if you want. So 15 people came with us. It was very informal. 

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  • I've been to many destination weddings and I love them. I have also turned down a couple DWs because it wasn't in the financial forecast at the time. Couples understand.
    I wouldn't go to a DW and betch about the know how much it's going to be before hand so what's the point of going and whining about it?
  • We had what I consider a DW but....Most of our guest only had to drive 3-4hrs. and like kiki, I had no hard feelings if people could not come or did not get us a gift. To be honest....We ended up with more people wanting to go then not going :)
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  • I'm having a DW.  I think only a handful of people may come.  I do feel bad sometimes because I'm asking guests to spend a good chunk of money to see me get married.  FI & I talk about this all the time and we are doing what we can afford and at first, we weren't going to invite anyone and just get hitched alone and call it a day.  But then I figured, hey why not invite people, if they want & can come that will be awesome.  If not, it's not a big deal either since we never envisioned a huge wedding with every single family & friend in attendance anyway.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2010
    I'm having a desitnation wedding and we only invited our immediate families.  We also doubled and triple checked with them the date and made sure everything was okay for everyone.  Our STDs go out in the next few months and we've made every arragement possible to cut down cost. 

    DW are a two way street.  You have to be flexible.  The bride that gave her friend a guilt trip about not going to France just totally sucks.
  • We're having a DW, and the only people that are invited already live in the State we are getting married in. We are footing the bill for the beachouse. And just telling them it's their vacation also, come on and have fun. There were some people we thought of asking, but we just didn't want to burden people. And we wanted it to be intimate as well.
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  • I had a DW, we both wanted to get married on the beach.  We checked with the key players like family members & they were all on board.  We invited more then I wanted to, but a lot of them we knew wouldn't be going from the get go.  We were very surprised when our head count including hubby & I came to 55 people.  We both have large families and we invited a few friends.  It turned out perfect.

  • Well, an invitation is not a subpoena. It's always optional. I'd rather give someone the option than not. Plus, I think if you're having an AHR, it's more polite to extend the invitation to go to the actual ceremony than to assume someone won't come. At least, if I got an invitation to an AHR, I'd rather have gotten a wedding invitation first. It shows that you care about me being there at your wedding, not just bringing a present.

    Also, my entire family has to fly to my wedding. FI's too. We live in California. We had to have the wedding somewhere. But I understand there's a difference between trying to find a location that suits where everyone lives and just really wanting to get married in a pretty, tropical location.
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  • NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010

    Noodle's cousin had a DW in Aruba that we might have gone to, had it not been on a Weds.  We could afford to take a day or two off work, but we would have had to take at least three to make a Weds wedding and that's just ridiculous.  I think she got a really low turn out even for a DW.  Like, 10 or 11 people out of the 100+ she invited.


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  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2010
    We had a DW because we're both from cities 2,000 miles apart in different countries, didn't live in the same city while we were dating, and I don't really have a hometown (moved around a lot).  So there was no location we could get married that wouldn't involve a ton of people traveling...

    So we got married in Colorado.  It was in the middle and we're all skiers.  Our friends were thrilled to get the "wedding rate" at the Westin during ski season...

    I did feel a bit guilty for not having it in his hometown since he has a larger family, but I wouldn't do it differently.

    And besides, a wedding invitation is just that - an invitation.  It's not a summons ;)

    ETA:  Oops, meant to say subpoena, not summons.
  • I just saw this and was trying to go through my head to think who didn't have a DW.  My 2 girlfriends did Mexico, my best friend did Las Vegas, my sister did Tahoe and even my BF's first wedding was on St. Martin or something like that.  Nobody close to me has had a non-DW wedding.

    I made a vacation of every one of the weddings.
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  • LesaBearLesaBear member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    I'm having a DW. We invited most people that would have been invited to an at home wedding. Most of these were to avoid "offending people" but we didn't expect anyone to come. We chose a very affordable hotel and location and are paying for the hotel for out closest friends to help with the cost.

    The conflict comes when people say they're coming and then cancel and vice versa, or do so several times, or bring extra guests w/o asking.
  • My FI's and my families live on separate coasts, so it's effectively a DW for half of the guests.  We knew that no matter where we got married, someone's grandma wasn't going to be there.  :(  But what can you do?

    With some many people moving around the country for work, school and jobs, I feel that we all have to travel to attend weddings of loved ones.  I don't complain about those, so why should I complain about going to Hawaii or Mexico for a DW?  And, I can't imagine guilt-tripping anyone for not flying to my wedding. 
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