Wedding Etiquette Forum

Returning gifts for cash

I found out after her wedding that my friend only registered so she could return all the gifts later and have cash because she didn't really need anything. My instinct is to think that is rude... maybe it's fine if nobody finds out, but for me I was annoyed that I paid for shipping on a gift when I would have been happy to give her cash to begin with. And I guess a little bit that she didn't actually want what I picked out for her, and I thought she would because it was on her registry. If she was comfortable enough to tell me after the fact, why didn't she just tell me before!

What do you all think of that idea? I suppose it's a sneaky way to get cash when you don't want gifts... you know without being tacky and asking for cash. :-P

Re: Returning gifts for cash

  • It's definitely a sneaky way to get cash....but once you give a gift, it' up to the recipient to decide what to do with it, whether they want to return/exchange, sell, or give it away.  

    I agree that it's pretty rude to register knowing that you will be returning the items.  Like you said, guests spent money on shipping, or at least spent time and money on driving to the store and puting SOME thought into what they gave.   Very tacky of her to just return the gifts for cash.  She should have just not registered.  

    I really hope she didn't have a shower, and return all of those gifts as well!
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  • Wow, she even had the balls to tell you? I would judge her hard. That is pretty tacky and rude. Plus, she would probably never get a nice gift from me again (if I stayed friends with her).

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  • It is really rude to do that, not to mention this is what screws up return policies at stores for the rest of us.  It is one thing if she returned a gift because she got a duplicate or there was something wrong with it, but she misled her entire guest list with a lie.  I wouldn't take that well.
  • I'd call my friend out if she did that.
  • I can not believe she told you that!  What she did was deceitful and I would tell her so.
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  • Ugh! That's awful! If she didn't need or want anything-- she didn't have to register.  That's just... ew.  If my friend told me that, there is not a single chance I wouldn't give her serious hell for it-- and in a way that would probably destroy the friendship.  I just can't respect someone who would be so incredibly sneaky and underhanded.
  • That is really messed up. There are better ways to go about getting cash for a wedding, and that seems like an awful lot of work to go through a bunch of gifts and return them. If she told you about it, she either doesn't know how rude it is, or just doesn't care. Either way, I would be pissed and letting her know exactly why.
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  • That is sneaky and rude!  I'd be surprised if she was able to get the cash back.  Most stores don't do that anymore unless you paid them with your debit card and you had the original receipt.  I had to return something after my shower to Macy's and the woman offered me store credit or for it to go on my Macy's charge.
  • She is probably out of luck getting cash, if that makes you feel better. We returned a gift to Target, because we received a duplicate item, and I asked if we could have cash. (We didn't register at Target and I wanted to get something at BBB) They said no, it was either store credit or refund the person's credit card.
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  • I agree that this is really tacky and rude.  She probably thought that she was being clever since you shouldn't come right out and ask for cash as gifts.  I would be hurt, too, but just remember that she is only making herself look bad.  Especially since she was dumb enough to tell people that she had done it.

    It is true that stores often will only give you gift cards when you return an item instead of cash, though.  I know Wal Mart often does that.  I'm not sure if it's different when people get items off a registry, though.
  • My friend did this. I was seriously hurt as were all of her guests that found out. She has been married a little over 5 years and I guess back then you could return things from your registry to BBB for cash.

    The best part is a few years later they bought a house and complained how they had to buy all this stuff to put in it. And guess what, no one offered up any housewarming gifts.
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  • I'd be pissed too. It's rude and tacky, yes, but like you said -- you paid for unnecessary shipping AND you picked something out because you thought she would like it/want it since she registered for it. 

    And like PPs said - I don't know stores that do cash returns anymore. We made a lot of returns/exchanges due to multiple gifts or we realized we didn't like something as much as we thought (or we found a better one) or it was something we didn't register for. However, each and every store only offered store credit (which we didn't mind. I could spend a fortune at BBB or Target, etc.) I'm pretty sure it's a security policy (so people can't steal a bunch of stuff and ask for cash back), plus it'd be losing a sale.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_returning-gifts-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:013d1e27-ecf6-4a46-ba64-71d7786c01e3Post:8b8a4d18-49a6-4186-b1c5-0d27fbce5f74">Re: Returning gifts for cash</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, she even had the balls to tell you? I would judge her hard. That is pretty tacky and rude. Plus, she would probably never get a nice gift from me again (if I stayed friends with her).
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    This!
  • The only place that let me return anything for a cash refund was Walmart, and that was because I got THREE crockpots, and they could see it on my registry.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_returning-gifts-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:013d1e27-ecf6-4a46-ba64-71d7786c01e3Post:e6c9bcfd-4be6-4801-b133-46e7eb79fa5a">Re: Returning gifts for cash</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Do stores even give cash anymore?  I thought it was store credit only.</strong>  And yes, I would be irritated also. I would have just given cash if she had said they were saving up for 'x'.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I was thinking the exact same thing. Stores in our area only give store credit/exchange unless you have a gift receipt.

    That's pretty ballsy of her. I would defintiely call that one out.
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  • Yeah, OP has your friend already returned the gifts or plans to? It would be great payback if she can't actually return them.

    If she did return them, I would probably let it slip to mutual friends what she did.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_returning-gifts-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:013d1e27-ecf6-4a46-ba64-71d7786c01e3Post:dd4f7cf9-e963-4eb4-aaf3-b52a7720512b">Re: Returning gifts for cash</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also (I can't edit my posts from this computer in IE) I meant to say I know we will be grateful we registered when we buy a house.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    So this. We live in a very small house right now, but we are planning to move into a bigger place sometime soon. I know I will be so excited to put all the awesome stuff we got to use!

    The rudeness of it all aside, I really don't get it. There was literally nothing she wanted to register for? If she didn't want much, just do a small registry with only the things she really wanted.
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  • So would it still be rude if she didn't register and just returned all of the gifts that people randomly gave her because she didn't want any gifts? You know, since its rude to ask for money.
  • That's a really shady thing to do, and I would have totally called her out on it.  Not to mention, that I'd probably tell everyone I knew that also gave her a gift because they deserve to know what a brat she is, so they can make sure they don't ever waste their time buying her gifts again.
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  • Heck, Wal-Mart doesn't even give cash anymore, the CS here puts it on a gift card, almost no matter what. I had a receipt one day for a return, had paid cash, and they still wanted to put in on a GC.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_returning-gifts-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:013d1e27-ecf6-4a46-ba64-71d7786c01e3Post:dadbe7b3-337b-4fc5-8552-07e5170dd719">Re: Returning gifts for cash</a>:
    [QUOTE]So would it still be rude if she didn't register and just returned all of the gifts that people randomly gave her because she didn't want any gifts? You know, since its rude to ask for money.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    If you can't tell the difference between returning gifts that you ASKED for and returning gifts that you didn't ask for you, I'm afraid I've completely lost any hope I had for you turning out to be a logical person.  But based on the black tie optional thread, that hope was already at a breaking point anyways...
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  • sparent2010sparent2010 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_returning-gifts-cash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:013d1e27-ecf6-4a46-ba64-71d7786c01e3Post:dadbe7b3-337b-4fc5-8552-07e5170dd719">Re: Returning gifts for cash</a>:
    [QUOTE]So would it still be rude if she didn't register and just returned all of the gifts that people randomly gave her because she didn't want any gifts? You know, since its rude to ask for money.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    The point.























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  • We don't need much of anything, we only registered for items if received, we would enjoy having.

    If I took the time to buy a gift on the registry and paid shipping only to find out it had been intented only to be returned for cash, I'd be super po'd.  I'd never give this person a gift EVER again!
  • What I don't get is that there is a registry out there that you ask for wishes instead of things, I currently have part of my registry on there. I have no shame in recommending cash, I worded it appropriately enough that I know family will understand.

    What a crappy way to destroy a lot of close bonds. I think if I took the time to lovingly select a gift and put even an iota of thought in to it, I would be extremely PO'd.
  • So much tacky in this thread.

    Does no one understand the point of a GIFT anymore? 


  • My point is, if there is no registry, you'd actually be putting more effort into choosing the gift that she is planning to return anyway. So if you'd be annoyed that you put effort into buying a registry gift she was planning to return, wouldn't you be MORE annoyed that you put MORE effort into buying a gift with no registry, that she was planning to return?
  • I feel better hearing from you guys! I know I should have called her out on it, but she's a closer friend to my FI than she is to me, so I just didn't bother. And he's a bit of a pushover so he didn't say anything either. Edielaura, she is also notoriously bad at sending thank you notes, but I"m pretty sure we got one for the wedding gifts. It would have gone to FI so I don't remember what it said. 

    Actually, funny part 2 of the story, she said she only registered at BBB because they told her she could get cash back, and when she tried it, they told her she could have store credit, so she threw a FIT until she got the cash she wanted! That's actually how I found out.. she was complaining to me about being lied to by BBB about cash back.

    Truthfully though she's a great person, just really passionate when things don't go her way, and very lacking in tact. I won't be getting her gifts in the future.
  • cindyn9178-- maybe so, that's a good point. But I personally would have been delighted to give her cash knowing that was what she wanted! Having proudly let it slip that that was her intention with the registry after the fact, she could have proudly let it slip before hand that she'd really prefer cash. Oh well. :)
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