Volunteering - It Doesn't Pay

TheGlamourist

Is it common for people to insinuate requests or solicit themselves?

Example...
Older male friend who used to be much closer: 'If you need anyone to take pictures or walk you down the aisle(?!!), you always have your theatrical dad.'

That blows me away.  My dad passed away two months ago, so my FFIL is giving me away (that was decided a while back).  Has anyone else experienced these unsolicited offers to the same degree?  How do you handle people who assume that you're still as close as you once were, who were not considered as participants in the wedding?  Should I find a way to include him as a testament to the length of our friendship?  Some of our mutual friends will be participating (officiant, parents-of-flower-girl) and upon reflection it feels almost remiss not to include him, but I have no idea how.

Thoughts?  (Even if it's merely 'Girl is weird' or 'Get over it?')

crfische

Ha! Your last sentence made me chuckle.

Ummm...yeah. Just say no. That's about all I have for ya. I think people are usually well-intentioned, just sometimes clueless.

brookelynpaisley

Sounds like he's just trying to let you know he's there for you, though his offerings are bold and obviously aren't what you're looking for. Perhaps you could ask if he'd like to do a reading. When people asked/offered things I already had sorted out, I just told them so: "thank you so much for offering! That means a lot to me. I've got that taken care of, but I'll keep you in mind if something else comes up." Done and done.

laurenclaire1386

Yup, you'll get tons of unsolicited advice, suggestions, offers, all that stuff. It's best to give non commital answers or change the subject. You should include only the people you feel closest to in your ceremony. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you're not comfortable with. Weddings make people crazy. Also, being invited to your wedding is an honor, period, and anyone who insinuates that you're doing something wrong by not including them is far and away more rude than you are.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_volunteering-doesnt-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:018c1834-5dbb-4276-9512-91f42fedb193Post:5634317b-be9a-4701-adee-f0ff9682ca0a">Volunteering - It Doesn't Pay</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it common for people to insinuate requests or solicit themselves? Example... Older male friend who used to be much closer: 'If you need anyone to take pictures or walk you down the aisle(?!!) , you always have your theatrical dad.' That blows me away.  My dad passed away two months ago, so my FFIL is giving me away (that was decided a while back).  Has anyone else experienced these unsolicited offers to the same degree?  How do you handle people who assume that you're still as close as you once were, who were not considered as participants in the wedding?  Should I find a way to include him as a testament to the length of our friendship?  Some of our mutual friends will be participating (officiant, parents-of-flower-girl) and upon reflection it feels almost remiss not to include him, but I have no idea how. Thoughts?  (Even if it's merely 'Girl is weird' or 'Get over it?')
Posted by TheGlamourist[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  Try not to take these things so personally.  In some cases, people do try to butt their way into the wedding, but in many others, it's just that people are happy for you, want to be there for you and help you however they think they can be of assistance. 

Don't feel as though you NEED to include anyone in the wedding out of guilt.  People often lose sight of the fact that being a guest at a wedding is an honor in and of itself.  Politely decline any offers of help, and tell the offerers that you look forward to seeing them at the wedding. 

Beachy730

Yep you'll get lots of those types of offers, and then they move to requests.  I would just smile and say "thanks, I'll keep that in mind."  As it gets closer to the wedding you can say "thanks for thinking of us, we already have that taken care of though." 

ehathewa

Most people have verey good intentions and want you to know that they are there for you.  You can just say thank you, you appreciate the offere, but have things worked out. 

TheGlamourist

Thanks so much ladies.    I have no trouble handling requests for invites or from photographers (including the one who tried to break us up), but a walk down the aisle seemed a little, shall we say, forward.  Thank you ladies so much for your input and I will return to this to re-read all the replies if he continues to imply anything.

It seems I have a good deal of smiling-and-nodding to do between now and the wedding date.