Desperately Need Help with this...

myherobrooke

So this is my second marriage and my fiance's (who is 40) first marriage.  Our wedding day was set for March 5, 2011. About a month and a half ago we split up due to just not getting along. (Nothing serious, no cheating, etc.) After seeking some good counseling and continuing to do so, we are more in love now than we ever were. We know we are ready now and want to continue with the March wedding, The question is how do we re announce that the wedding is back on? I don't want to send another "evite to save the date" as that is what I did originally. I also sent an e mail to let everyone know the the engagement had been called off. (Really done in the heat of the moment and was really, really stupid to do on my part). Any help would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks!

Stephanie

Ash2985

I would think word of mouth would be OK, particularly because I imagine you'll be sending out invites soon.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desperately-need-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0264603d-fd87-4f71-88d3-0b2b6783638aPost:e78be2f6-cdaf-4265-bdc7-1ec8a46c093e">Desperately Need Help with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]So this is my second marriage and my fiance's (who is 40) first marriage.  Our wedding day was set for March 5, 2011. About a month and a half ago we split up due to just not getting along. (Nothing serious, no cheating, etc.) After seeking some good counseling and continuing to do so, we are more in love now than we ever were. We know we are ready now and want to continue with the March wedding, The question is how do we re announce that the wedding is back on? I don't want to send another "evite to save the date" as that is what I did originally. I also sent an e mail to let everyone know the the engagement had been called off. (Really done in the heat of the moment and was really, really stupid to do on my part). Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks! Stephanie
Posted by myherobrooke[/QUOTE]

I have to ask - are you sure you're going to get married this time? I just can't really imagine being engaged, making the huge decision to break up, and then in 6 weeks feeling like we'd resolved our underlying problems enough to jump right into marriage. It seems like either you weren't taking your engagement seriously before and broke up over some silly fights, or you're not taking it seriously now and got back together without being ready.

kimp67

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desperately-need-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0264603d-fd87-4f71-88d3-0b2b6783638aPost:1b27ae31-9e44-452f-829b-effe9f8c1a1e">Re: Desperately Need Help with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Desperately Need Help with this... : I have to ask - are you sure you're going to get married this time? I just can't really imagine being engaged, making the huge decision to break up, and then in 6 weeks feeling like we'd resolved our underlying problems enough to jump right into marriage. It seems like either you weren't taking your engagement seriously before and broke up over some silly fights, or you're not taking it seriously now and got back together without being ready.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

I hate to say it but I agree with this.  If you broke up & got back together & have been to counciling all within the past 1 1/2months I would postpone the already cancelled wedding.  I would wait at least 6 more months to make sure you're both certain this time. 

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desperately-need-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0264603d-fd87-4f71-88d3-0b2b6783638aPost:414efcf8-d6e4-4687-ad82-2130f7167842">Re: Desperately Need Help with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Desperately Need Help with this... : I hate to say it but I agree with this.  If you broke up & got back together & have been to counciling all within the past 1 1/2months I would postpone the already cancelled wedding.  I would wait at least 6 more months to make sure you're both certain this time. 
Posted by kimp67[/QUOTE]

This.

I agree that you might be more in love now...but I think if I cancelled a wedding - I would change the date completely and lengthen the engagement a little longer. It would be awful if you rushed back into getting married on the original date just to find out a month later that there were issues that had always been issues that had been supressed because you were all "WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"...trust us on this one.

Marrin713

Agree with pp's.  If you're more in love now than ever, you'll hopefully still be in that state of bliss on a later wedding date.  Give yourselves time.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desperately-need-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0264603d-fd87-4f71-88d3-0b2b6783638aPost:e78be2f6-cdaf-4265-bdc7-1ec8a46c093e">Desperately Need Help with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]So this is my second marriage and my fiance's (who is 40) first marriage.  Our wedding day was set for March 5, 2011. About a month and a half ago we split up due to just not getting along. (Nothing serious, no cheating, etc.) After seeking some good counseling and continuing to do so, we are more in love now than we ever were. We know we are ready now and want to continue with the March wedding, The question is how do we re announce that the wedding is back on? I don't want to send another "evite to save the date" as that is what I did originally. I also sent an e mail to let everyone know the the engagement had been called off. (Really done in the heat of the moment and was really, really stupid to do on my part). Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks! Stephanie
Posted by myherobrooke[/QUOTE]

I'll admit; if I got an invite to a wedding that had been recently called off, I would side-eye the hell out of it.  There may or may not also be bets involved as to how long the marriage would last. 

I'd give it more than a month of therapy before you continue with the wedding plans.

mypalbabs

make-up sex is just not enough of a reason to marry

myherobrooke

While I can completely see everyone's point, let me explain just a bit more. My mother moved in with us on August 30 as her and my father (after 40 years) decided to get divorced. She has no place to go until the first of the year (after she get the results back of her breast biopsy) and gets through the holidays). It was the main reason for all the stress (we even turned my fiance's "man room" temporarily into a sewing room). She is now moving out the first week of January and has "stepped off" of her mothering role and we all had a coming to jesus meeting with her when we got back together. Maybe that helps explain it more. Maybe not....

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desperately-need-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0264603d-fd87-4f71-88d3-0b2b6783638aPost:f91c5f63-8df7-46e9-a1e9-4d0bfee0a14a">Re: Desperately Need Help with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]While I can completely see everyone's point, let me explain just a bit more. My mother moved in with us on August 30 as her and my father (after 40 years) decided to get divorced. She has no place to go until the first of the year (after she get the results back of her breast biopsy) and gets through the holidays). It was the main reason for all the stress (we even turned my fiance's "man room" temporarily into a sewing room). She is now moving out the first week of January and has "stepped off" of her mothering role and we all had a coming to jesus meeting with her when we got back together. Maybe that helps explain it more. Maybe not....
Posted by myherobrooke[/QUOTE]

Honestly, it doesn't really make a difference to me. While I'm sorry to hear that your mom - and therefore you - are going through tough times, the fact of the matter is that life sometimes has tough times and less than ideal situations. Having your mom living with you I'm sure was rough, but if you and your FI are a unit, the answer is some combination of him being understanding, you respecting his needs and both of you being clear about boundaries with your mom.

If the answer to the problems you and your FI were having as a result of this was "we should just break up because we can't agree" I don't see why that won't be the answer to any future problems. I would enjoy being back together but wait a little on the marriage to make sure you really are both on the same team from here on out.

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_desperately-need-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0264603d-fd87-4f71-88d3-0b2b6783638aPost:f91c5f63-8df7-46e9-a1e9-4d0bfee0a14a">Re: Desperately Need Help with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]While I can completely see everyone's point, let me explain just a bit more. My mother moved in with us on August 30 as her and my father (after 40 years) decided to get divorced. She has no place to go until the first of the year (after she get the results back of her breast biopsy) and gets through the holidays). It was the main reason for all the stress (we even turned my fiance's "man room" temporarily into a sewing room). She is now moving out the first week of January and has "stepped off" of her mothering role and we all had a coming to jesus meeting with her when we got back together. Maybe that helps explain it more. Maybe not....
Posted by myherobrooke[/QUOTE]

It sounds like you are under a lot of stress.  I am sorry to hear that, but I agree with the PP if you are under this much stress and have already called the wedding off once, maybe you should take some time to pull things togther before you 'call it on' again...However, if you are set on still getting married on your original date, I don't think I would send another 'save the date email'.  I would just send a private, brief email to close family/friends saying it's back on, and thanking them for their understanding.  But again, since you sent an email calling it off before carefullly consider before you send the 'back on' one.  I would maybe even call close family and friends to tell them rather than email...

Beachy730

Ditto Emily. 

Yes your mom being sick is a very hard time to go through, but if that was so quick to break you up, what would happen if you had kids and God forbid something happened to one of them?  Or one of you got sick and became bed-ridden.  If you mom living with you and butting into your life was enough to cause you to break up and call off a wedding, I can't imagine what something more personal to both of you would do to your relationship. 

I'm sure we don't know all of the details, but to have broken up, gone through counseling, and re-announcing the wedding all within 6 weeks is way too fast.  I really think you need to wait at least 6 months. 

Y I Oughta

Listen to Emily, she is wise. If you feel like you must have the wedding in March an email is not the way to go. Word of mouth might be the best bet here,  I would seriously wonder if you are taking this seriously if I were a guest. Also, as a guest, I would not feel comfortable supporting a marriage between two people that had recently broken up and got back together as quickly as you did. After all, isn't that the point of being a wedding guest, to show your support of the couple? If it is the money spent on the wedding that worries you, try working with your vendors to see if you can push it back a few months. Many vendors would be willing to work with you on something like that.

myherobrooke

So I wanted to update all of you who were so kind to give me advice on this months ago. It was somewhat hard to swallow because I am not one to take marriage as a joke, but it was necessary to hear everyone's advice. We postponed everything and pushed things 6 months out. We are getting married in September and took the necessary time to make sure we are on the same page.  It did feel rushed at the time and what each of you said was correct.  I think coming from a failed marriage (due to infidelity) caused me to not want to deal with any issues at all and I wanted everything perfect in every way. I have had to learn to soften up and compromise. We now have a network of support and an amazing counselor who has given us necessary tools for a successful marriage. I am glad I waited and did not rush to get married in March. I wanted to say thank you to each of you. On the other hand, I also feel it was necessary for us to have the time apart in order to realize what we really want from our relationship.  Many couples push through the arguing and then the marriage fails as well.  Something I realized after seeing my parents marriage coming to an end after 40 years!! 

DramaGeek

I'm glad to read the update.  I didn't see this the first time around, but reading it brought up thoughts of friends of ours, who split up when engaged for the same reason you did - stress of a parent living with them, overstepping bounds, etc.  They also got back together but they got married as scheduled, and divorced less than a year later.  I'm glad to hear you took more time to make sure you were on the right track.