Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unreliable Bridesmaid


This is my first post here and I wasn't sure where to post it.

I have 4 BMs (one is my MOH). I am pretty laid back and not very picky about what needs to happen in regards to my wedding. I just want the day to go smoothly and I want everyone to enjoy themselves! I thought I had picked 4 great girls!

My MOH has been great and she lives thousands of miles away!  She and I have been best friends for almost 20 years. Luckily, she is not the one giving me problems.

Today I went with one of my BMs to try on dresses. I was trying on my wedding dress (again since I lost 20 lbs) and my BMs were to try on dresses as well. My MOH already went to a dress fitting with me last year when I went to visit her out of state, so she wasn't coming. Today I had hopes of the other 3 girls coming along to see my dress in person and to pick out their dresses. I chose a color and length and told the BMs they could pick whatever style they wanted with only those two limitations.

One of my BMs told me she couldn't make it today last week because she was going away for the long 4th of July weekend, so that was okay even though I had sent out messages about a dress fitting a month ago. I figured 2 out of the 3 wasn't bad. but I had a feeling one of the other BMs was going to not be able to "make it" today. and I was right.

At 8am she texted me and told me she wasn't feeling well. She was having the squirts as she called it. She said she was going back to bed and would let me know how she felt in 45 minutes. 2 hours later and she finally texts me back and says she's still not feeling well and wants to reschedule for next Thursday.

I was mad because she cancelled at the last minute and I had specifically made an appointment for today. She had a month's notice that we were going to try on dresses and even though I can't blame her for being sick, it's not the first time she's flaked out on me. I know I should have taken that as a sign to not make her a BM in the first place but I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had made me the MOH in her wedding (though the wedding got called off) and she had often claimed I was her best friend.

My gut instinct is telling me that she's going to screw me over when it comes to my wedding day.  I want to ask her to bow out of my wedding party but am unsure of how to do it without seeming like a bitch. She's my friend but over the last year I've come to realize that I can't rely on her and we don't hang out nearly as much as we used to. I still want to be friends but she's the type of friend you just have a good time with some times and then you don't ask them for anything or depend on them.

I looked around for any related posts but didn't see any or overlooked any of the etiquette in regards to this situation. Part of me feels like if she didn't show up to my wedding, I'd be okay. After that I'd have a very good excuse to let the friendship fade into oblivion. but another part of me wants to call her out about everything in general (all the times she's cancelled or flaked out on me) but we work together and she's higher up than me and I'd rather not start crap. I feel like she'd be out to get me after that?


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards