Cranky, not dealing with this well.

goheels05

Cliffnotes--SIL is pregnant, I am not.  We're waiting until my student loans are paid off (about 4 more years) to have kids, and I'm kinda bummed. 

Thanks for the love, y'all.  I deleted the rest to protect the innocent. 

lauralaur

Were I you, I would probably be feeling the exact same way.

Look on the bright side? Nieces and/or nephews!?

jajph1974

Yup. I'd be cranky too. I think your feelings are perfectly normal. You probably wish you could just slap her.

ThePinkSuperhero

(((((hug)))))  Sorry, dear.  Nothing to do but stew on this one, unfortunately.  I feel your pain, though- I want twins, too!  FI is a twin, it'd be neat if we had them, too.

MyNameIsNot

She sucks. 

You're going to be an awesome mommy one day.  You'll be 100x more prepared and educated.

julezlee

Yuck.  I'd be super annoyed too. 

I totally want twins. 

goheels05

Thanks, it feels better to hear that I'm not being completely irrational.  Now if I can just keep from slapping her for the next 7 1/2 months . . . I'd feel really bad if I smacked a pregnant woman.

bbyckes

I think your feelings are pretty normal too.  It'll pass.  Just refrain from punching her in the face.   Try not to let it get to you. I've done my fair share of feeling petty over a situations like this.  ((hugs))

Brie2010

You're not alone.

While I'm super excited about FSIL's pregnancy and I know she'll be an awesome mom, I am feeling slightly jealous and have a tinge of bridezilla "she's stealing my spotlight" fever.  I'm hoping it will pass.

sarahmk5

I'd definitely be jealous, too.  Don't sweat it.

goheels05

Brie, when you posted this morning, I was so hoping it was going to be a rant about how annoying she was being, because then we could totally relate.  But we can share in our stolen spotlight mourning together.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:4939d4d8-bab2-4f26-be10-adc1ab8f01ec">Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE]She also ate Subway 3 times last week.  Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

I understand your frustration and that she is happy being ignorant. That sucks. You will be a much better parent when its your turn.

One question, though.. What does Subway have to do with it, specifically. I know that tuna intake should be limited, but there are lots of other foods there. Maybe I am a bit ignorant, but I googled and didn't find a connection. Please enlighten me.

Oh, and I didn't quote the whole thing so you can edit later ;)

mags0607

I totally relate to the way you are feeling. We are not even married yet, and I got the cranky (why don't I get what I want now) feeling when Fi's (younger than me) sister announced she was pregnant last year, then eloped the next week.  This wasn't an accident either.

I knew that in reality, Fi and I were not ready for that. He wasn't even Fi at that point, and we want to be as financially ready as possible when kids arrive. Still, it didn't make me want to be the pregnant one any less.

On another note, once the baby was born, that feeling really went away. I don't know if it was because of how much stress a baby really causes, or that I am around her enough to get to appreciate her cuteness and quell the want for my own for a little while.

bbyckes

I want twins too.  FI doesn't want another child.  I waffle back and forth.  My opportunities are dwindling.  I took a little tour over on the bump on the TTC over 35 board and was horrified.  I'm babbling now, but it's easier to type this than to say it aloud.

thesuninherhead

I think it's pretty normal to feel this way, especially in the circumstances of you two wanting to TTC but doing the right thing and delaying while she is completely unprepared and in your face about the pregnancy. 

 

At 7 weeks, does she realise there's a very real chance that she may lose one/both babies as the pregnancy progresses? I wouldn't be announcing anything to the world at that point, if I was her. 

Brie2010

Yeah, I'm not 100% super happy about it.  Probably 99%, because she's awesome and cool and will be supermom, unlike your SIL...but I kind of wanted to stamp my foot and be like "MY WEDDING!" briefly.

I'm a wee bit annoyed that FMIL is going crazy with excitement about the pregnancy but is basically neutral towards the wedding.  She's not even buying a new outfit.  She pretty clearly likes FSIL better.

brookelynpaisley

I think your feelings are totally normal. And the fact that she knows nothing would drive me insane. She's not buying an appliance, she's having a baby. Read up on that stuff! I have a coworker like that - clueless. It's going to be very entertaining when the baby comes, but I have this feeling of "I'd be so much better at this than her." Hopefully it passed for both of us. She really should be more sensitive about people who are unable to concieve though.

SarahPLiz

Ok, so I found one article about Listeria, but you shold be safe with a hot sandwich.. maybe Im just being picky. I just didn't know about that. ANd Ive had lots of preganant friends and relatives lately. Interesting...

SwedishChick2011

I don't get the Subway thing either.  Is that bad to eat while you're pregnant or something?  Besides that, though, she sounds pretty idiotic.  Don't let it get to you.

MyNameIsNot

Sarah: it's the lunchmeat.  Nitrates or something.  I forgot what they are, but they come with a risk of birth defects. 

ThePinkSuperhero

I'm not giving up deli meat when I get pregnant.  I'll buy a small microwave to carry around if I have to, but I"m not giving up my turkey sandwiches!

SwedishChick2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:df06dca6-cf33-4288-b793-5feb10b0b999">Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah: it's the lunchmeat.  Nitrates or something.  I forgot what they are, but they come with a risk of birth defects. 
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
Are you allowed to do <em>anything</em> while you're pregnant?  It seems like everything is a no-no. 

Mrs.B6302007

When she's 80 pounds heavier with twins AND poor pregnancy eating habits, YOU can go be smug about buying new clothes or something.

I think you're totally justified in your feelings.  You're the responsible one and she's not and that sucks to know that it could/should be you.

goheels05

Yes, lunchmeat=nitrates, or something.  It's all lunchmeat, not just subway.  I'm not sure what she gets there, but when I told her about bacon and lunchmeat and hotdogs, she cringed and was majorly bummed that she can't use the Subway giftcards in her stocking for the next 7 months.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:1ed3896c-ba2d-459d-b120-8fae265e0269">Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE] At 7 weeks, does she realise there's a very real chance that she may lose one/both babies as the pregnancy progresses? I wouldn't be announcing anything to the world at that point, if I was her. 
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

Nope, not a clue.  Never even crossed her mind.  She's already AWed it on her FB twice.  If, God forbid, something were to happen, she's going to be a wreck.  Her husband and inlaws got her baby stuff for Christmas.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:b5d0c12d-c34e-4212-a5ba-15aa8ec09f0b">Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well. : Are you allowed to do anything while you're pregnant?  It seems like everything is a no-no. 
Posted by cocoreo3[/QUOTE]

I agree, Coco. Every time I hear about something you are NOT supposed to eat during pregnancy, I wonder to myself wtf CAN you eat?

My first thought about the Subway thing was that the meat is processed and maybe it had something to do with that.

Pink - I agree. I am a picky eater, but turkey sandwiches are one of my favorite things.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:b5d0c12d-c34e-4212-a5ba-15aa8ec09f0b">Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well. : Are you allowed to do anything while you're pregnant?  It seems like everything is a no-no. 
Posted by cocoreo3[/QUOTE]

Based on my pregnant friends, it's pretty much organic homemade everything. 

Though I think the lunchmeat risk is fairly low.  If you eat it now and then, you aren't likely to have any issues, but 3 times a week is pretty nuts.

Reason #563 why I'm never having kids. 

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:b5d0c12d-c34e-4212-a5ba-15aa8ec09f0b">Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well. : Are you allowed to do anything while you're pregnant?  It seems like everything is a no-no. 
Posted by cocoreo3[/QUOTE]

Actually, a lot of the things you hear that you can't do when you're pregnant are perfectly fine.  For some reason people think seafood is a huge risk.  Seafood is fine, you shouldn't have high mercury seafood more than once a week, but who do you know who eats shark, yellow-fin tuna, and the like more than once a week?  Exercise is fine, caffeine is fine in moderation, some doctors are even saying an occasional glass of wine in your 3rd tri is fine.  Most of the stuff you can't have when you're pregnant is bad for you anyway.  Processed deli meat is terrible for you, pregnant or not. 

I don't mind if people do their research and decide for themselves that this food or that food isn't high enough of a risk to warrant worry, just like parents have to make many decisions (circumcision, disposable or cloth diapers, breast-feed or formula).  What does bother me is not doing any research at all.  If you're preg or TTC you should at least be aware of concerns like that, and then you can read the research yourself and make an educated decision. 

Mryan209

My sisters got into a pretty heated fight when one was pregnant.  The non-pregnant sister was sure to inform her that if it came down to it, she'd only hit her in the face though, never the stomach.  And it wouldn't be hard enough to knock her down.  Just sayin'. 

On a serious note, she sounds like a gem announcing her pregnancy in front of those cousins.  And ditto about her announcing already, there's a reason many people wait until the first trimester. 

BecW2be

Oh, that is crappy Heels. Perhaps you can return the smugness by offering suggestions for taking care of yourself during pregnancy. Remember how we all hated unsolicited wedding advice? Pregnancy advice is WAY worse. Call/email/FB her 4-5 times a day with some new interesting tidbit you know about pregnancy that she's doing wrong. She'll either slap you first, fully earning a guilt-free slap back, or she'll STFU and stop AWing so much.

Hang in there and just realize that she only affects you if you let her. The worst part is the "When are YOU going to have kids?" crap you will undoubtedly start to hear more often. Just tip your nose a tiny bit higher in the air and smile sweetly and resond with how responsible you are being as a parent, planning and saving for the baby, unlike others who just jumped right in and started stealing fruit off the holiday table.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cranky-not-dealing-this-well?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05f07955-0456-40e1-ac30-f8453f111b9ePost:69265f0b-4f1e-4a77-9b30-f820cd417a27">Re: Cranky, not dealing with this well.</a>:
[QUOTE]She sucks.  You're going to be an awesome mommy one day.  You'll be 100x more prepared and educated.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I just saw this.  Thanks, MNIN, that means a lot to me!