Woman calling FI..wrong?

Gatorsgirl731

Back story: FI manages a ranch that is a private retreat.  His boss has a friend who is like a daughter.  She is divorced and in her 50's and she keeps her horse there at the ranch.  FI runs the place but there is a wrangler who takes care of the horses.  This lady calls FI to "check on things" about every 2 weeks.  She usually calls at the worst times, like on his days off, or like tonight at 8:30pm when he is with his family.  It wouldn't be a big deal if she would call ask about her horse and then hang up, but no, she keeps him on the phone for an hour or more.  One night she called and he told her 4 times he was fixing to eat dinner, but he still couldn't get her off the phone for 1 1/2 hrs.  He can't just hang up because it could get him fired.  He knows it bugs me so he has stopped answering the phone when it is her and he is with us.  I know he is the manager, but she SHOULD be calling the wrangler, and she does one more thing that irks me.  She always asks him if his is still getting married.  Now I personaly think this is in poor taste. 

What say you?

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_woman-calling-fiwrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06414715-80dc-4c35-beb0-647447b0415fPost:1ce1093f-b873-4e22-84a0-92bb9f1a2ed6">Woman calling FI..wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Back story: FI manages a ranch that is a private retreat.  His boss has a friend who is like a daughter.  She is divorced and in her 50's and she keeps her horse there at the ranch.  FI runs the place but there is a wrangler who takes care of the horses.  This lady calls FI to "check on things" about every 2 weeks.  She usually calls at the worst times, like on his days off, or like tonight at 8:30pm when he is with his family.  It wouldn't be a big deal if she would call ask about her horse and then hang up, but no, she keeps him on the phone for an hour or more.  One night she called and he told her 4 times he was fixing to eat dinner, but he still couldn't get her off the phone for 1 1/2 hrs.  He can't just hang up because it could get him fired.  He knows it bugs me so he has stopped answering the phone when it is her and he is with us.  I know he is the manager, but she SHOULD be calling the wrangler, and she does one more thing that irks me.  She always asks him if his is still getting married.  Now I personaly think this is in poor taste.  What say you?
Posted by Gatorsgirl731[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It's in poor taste on her part.  </div><div>He could get fired for hanging up, but not for screening the calls and not answering at all?   Has the talked to his boss about this?  What does his boss say? What does she do when he doesn't answer.  Could he try not sayingn anything but "I understand your concerns, but we can talk about it tomorrow/next week/etc when I'm in the office" or "I don't have the answers to your questions, have you called the wranger to find out".  Nothing else,  just redirect, redirect, redirect... </div>

NOLAbridealmost

I spend 60% of my day on the phone with clients---that time could easily be doubled if I just let them run with the conversation. It is very tricky, but your husband HAS to learn a way to cut those calls short without being rude.  It is completely unreasonable to expect someone to stay on the phone for over 30 minutes.   She is going to just keep calling and calling unless she learns that he is not going to be 1.5 hours of entertainment for her.  "I'd love to keep chatting, but another client/customer/employee/etc. walked in for their appointment/lesson/etc. 10 minutes ago and I'd hate to keep them waiting. Talk to you soon."

And she very likely is not hitting on him; she's just bored and is using him as an outlet. 

ETA: Asking if he's still getting married is over the line. That should literally be his cue to make something up and get off the phone.

nextrightthing

He doesn't have to pick up the phone. 

HockeyFan4

She doesn't use bear mace on dogs, does she?

Gatorsgirl731

I am sure if it got out that he wasn't answering his phone certain times during the day, he would get a phone call from his boss.  It is a new thing that he has stopped answering at certain points during the day.  She calls to "check on her horse" which takes about 30seconds, the rest of the conversation is her digging for gossip.  Unfortunatly, FI is a little nieve, and he does not think peopld ever have ill intentions.  This is one of the things I fell in love with.  He poops rainbows every day.  He tries being firm, saying he has to take care of this that or the other, but she bull dozes right over him in conversation.  He could say something, but you never know how it will be received with his boss, he could agree that it is in poor taste and call the lady, or he could fire my FI those are the extremes of course.  I know it really isn't a huge deal.  We were talking about this last night (she had called) and I said how it was tacky and down right rude to call an attached man at almost 9pm when he is at home with his family.  That she could call during working hours. And he was like "is it?, Normal ppl don't do that?"  Oh she does not call the wrangler, because she does not like him.
And Hockey I do not get it "She doesn't use bear mace on dogs, does she?"

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_woman-calling-fiwrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06414715-80dc-4c35-beb0-647447b0415fPost:e259f681-dbcf-4afd-be0e-c0836f4130ce">Re: Woman calling FI..wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure if it got out that he wasn't answering his phone certain times during the day, he would get a phone call from his boss.  It is a new thing that he has stopped answering at certain points during the day.  She calls to "check on her horse" which takes about 30seconds, the rest of the conversation is her digging for gossip.  Unfortunatly, FI is a little nieve, and he does not think peopld ever have ill intentions.  This is one of the things I fell in love with.  He poops rainbows every day.  He tries being firm, saying he has to take care of this that or the other, but she bull dozes right over him in conversation.  He could say something, but you never know how it will be received with his boss, he could agree that it is in poor taste and call the lady, or he could fire my FI those are the extremes of course.  I know it really isn't a huge deal.  We were talking about this last night (she had called) and I said how it was tacky and down right rude to call an attached man at almost 9pm when he is at home with his family.  That she could call during working hours. And he was like "is it?, Normal ppl don't do that?"  Oh she does not call the wrangler, because she does not like him. <strong>And Hockey I do not get it "She doesn't use bear mace on dogs, does she?"
</strong>Posted by Gatorsgirl731[/QUOTE]

I'm not Hockey, but there was a poster a little while ago that kind of fell off the deep end and told everyone that she bear maced her neighbor's dog.  And she had two horses, one with her and one that she paid to keep somewhere else.  Hence, the joke that this lady could be crazy (and the same person).

jessicabessica

Your FI needs to set boundaries with his boss and then enforce them with this woman. 

Ali092011

We have a couple of patients at our pharmacy that will keep us on the phone for hours if we let them. We try to redirect, but if that doesn't work, sometimes we have to "bulldoze" right in and say, "Okay, Mrs. Smith, if that's all the questions you have about that medication, we have a few other patients waiting. It was really nice to speak with you!" Then we hang up as quickly as we can without being rude.

Come up with a plan with your FI to make it obvious that he's with his family and has to get off the phone. Even if you have to fake another call on another phone by letting yours ring or something, just make it obvious that he is extremely busy and have him be firm.

The only thing I'm curious about is whether or not these calls really bother him. Clearly, she's stepping over the line and it's inappropriate, and I completely understand why you're annoyed. But does your FI have a problem with the calls? If it really doesn't bother him much, let him handle it, or not.

KellyBrian2013

I do not know this woman, so this is merely speculation but...

We had several older people ask H and I "if we were still getting married" as a way of asking if the wedding had already occurred or not...

Gatorsgirl731

You guys all make some great points and I will try to respond the best way I can....
*The bear mace lol no I do not think it is her as she only has one horse, but I do think she is bat poo crazy. (for other reasons beyond the phone calls)

*She is a friend of the boss and his wife, she does not pay to keep her horse there.  His boss and bosses wife are very elderly and very wealthy, and she spends a lot of time with them and can be very convincing.  She has gotten at least 2 ppl fired.

*The calls annoy FI, but it has been going on for so long (since before me) that I think he does not know that he can stop it.  He is 44 she is 50, and before I came along she would invite him over to her house all the time for a drink.  He never went, but she still kept asking.  She told my son who is 10, that she tried to get his daddy to go out with her but he never would, and that I (his mom) was a lucky girl.  ***My son, FI's will be step-son, but everyone calls him FI's son, including FI.

*Stage-  his boss IS a horrible douche.  FI works 7 days a week, and when the boss is in town he is not allowed to be more than 15min from work at any point.  15min is how long it takes to get to work from our house.  The boss actually told us that September was an unacceptable time for us to get married it would be really inconvenient for him (the boss) and we should move the date to Jan-2013.  The boss is a influential Christian political person, who brings various politicians to the ranch for a get away.  And since this is a election year our timing was off. 

*As far as FI needing to be "firm" boy are y'all right!  I wish he would be firm with several people.  He has a problem with the word "no", and a lot of ppl have figured that one out.
I am a cynic and am very distrustful of people, he is trusting and takes most peoples word as the truth. It is a good balance.

Sometimes I am right sometimes he is.  In this situation, I was trying to explain to him whether his boss expects him to answer the phone call at night or not is not an issue.  Basic human decency should keep the woman from calling, because polite ppl do not call for non emergencies at 9 at night.  He was genuinely unsure and wanted to know, if it really wasn't polite.  So then I thought to my self....I am a teensy bit protective of my Mr. Right so maybe I am over reacting.  The way for me to answer that was to hit the E board and ask, if I am right. Is it poor etiquette of her to be calling at that late hour......

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I knew someone like that, once. It was hard because I was in college and had a position where I often HAD to answer the phone or HAD to be in my room. This girl would call me and I wouldn't be able to get her off the phone. Or she'd come over, barge in, and just "hang out" for like an hour or two, no matter what I said - I'm busy, I have to go, I'm meeting people, whatever.

So, if this situation is anything like mine, my vote is that this woman just really, really lacks social skills. Nothing he can say will change her or that. But he should talk to his boss about his availibility and perhaps have a certain person who is "on-call" every night. If the wrangler is on call, your FI doesn't have to pick up his phone.

And never, ever, let this woman know where you live.

Gatorsgirl731

NO ONE knows where we live. lol  Outside of his dad, but I don't even think our mothers could find it.  We are very private, and don't like company in general.  He has been at this job for 7 years, he loves the work, but if something came along he would prolly take it.  But your right that is easier said than done especailly where we live.  He if fortunate to be able to work where we live, most ppl have to drive 30 to 45 min to find employment, and he has full health bennifits.  I was in the same kind of job situation, it helped us a lot when I left.  For the most part I work "us time" around his work.  I think she would call the wrangler, if they did not hate each other...  I am glad to know that I am not totally over reacting.  And I do pray every night he gets another job offer.