-

Katshia

Thank you to those who replied with advice Worked everything out. 

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horribly-rude-ask-immediate-family-members-paying-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:075405a5-1504-4731-8daa-7506279d5d36Post:1085b606-369b-40f0-a375-0ada587e3985">Is it horribly rude to ask immediate family members for help with paying for the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently lost my job at no fault to my own, but was still fired agaisnt my will (long story). This happens to be the worst time, our wedding is about four months away uckily, we have payed off almost everything, the bad side to that is there is no way to bail and put everything off. We currently have about 2,500 left to pay for everything, and without my income we just barely make it by each month. I have been looking for a job about a month now, and with nothing but 'thanks but no thanks' from companys, my guess is they dont really go over my resume because I was fired from my last job. I am quickly getting more and more depressed over the issue because I feel like I am not going to find a job, and we are not going to be able to pay off the wedding. Even if I did get one soon, I doubt I could make 2,500 in the next few months. I by no means would be getting any sort of professional job that pays decently, and need part time due to being in college full time.It hurts me so much to feel like I'm ruining the wedding and that everythings relying on me. My dad has said he will try to help out as much as he can, and I want to ask some other family members if they would be able to (aunts and uncles, grandparents), but I feel incredibly rude doing so.I also feel like I have no other option, we are already keeping the wedding as cheap as possible, and loans and such are not an option. What do y'all think?
Posted by Katshia[/QUOTE]

Why did you get fired?

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horribly-rude-ask-immediate-family-members-paying-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:075405a5-1504-4731-8daa-7506279d5d36Post:1085b606-369b-40f0-a375-0ada587e3985">Is it horribly rude to ask immediate family members for help with paying for the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently lost my job at no fault to my own, but was still fired agaisnt my will (long story). This happens to be the worst time, our wedding is about four months away uckily, we have payed off almost everything, the bad side to that is there is no way to bail and put everything off. We currently have about 2,500 left to pay for everything, and without my income we just barely make it by each month. I have been looking for a job about a month now, and with nothing but 'thanks but no thanks' from companys, my guess is they dont really go over my resume because I was fired from my last job. I am quickly getting more and more depressed over the issue because I feel like I am not going to find a job, and we are not going to be able to pay off the wedding. Even if I did get one soon, I doubt I could make 2,500 in the next few months. I by no means would be getting any sort of professional job that pays decently, and need part time due to being in college full time.It hurts me so much to feel like I'm ruining the wedding and that everythings relying on me. My dad has said he will try to help out as much as he can, and I want to ask some other family members if they would be able to (aunts and uncles, grandparents), but I feel incredibly rude doing so.I also feel like I have no other option, we are already keeping the wedding as cheap as possible, and loans and such are not an option. What do y'all think?
Posted by Katshia[/QUOTE]
I'm really sorry to hear that.
If you feel incredibly rude doing it theres a good reason for that. Can you scaled back on anything for the wedding? Also, try contacting your vendors and telling them what has happened, they may be willing to work with you.

cukimerrydoll

While I think it's incredibly rude... I feel you.  I was laid off a month ago as well.

My only real advice would be to talk to the career center at your school.  Maybe there is something on campus you can do?

I'm so sorry this is happening, but know you aren't alone!

ricksang

Do you think family members willt be okay with you asking for cash? 2,500 is a lot of money.

Katshia

@cukimerrydoll Thanks, its nice to know your not alone!

We have cut back as much as we can sadly My stepmother-in-law actually asked us if we were doing sponsors which is basically where family member will pay for a service, DJ for example, or part of it. I had never heard of this, but apparently the do it this often in Hispanic weddings... So not too sure. Feel like I don't have much of an option

riverjib

I have to ask why you were fired, and if it wasn't your fault (i.e.; layoff) why is it preventing you from getting another job?

My fi and I are both full-time students, so I feel your pain. But it's a little late in the game in terms of planning to ask for contributions to your wedding. Have you tried looking into other options, such as increasing your student loans? That's not an ideal solution, but it might be a viable option.

JessAndTrav

Is there anything you can cut out? Favors? Programs? Cheaper shoes? Hor' d'oeuvres instead of dinner? Before you ask, I'd first try to find any place to make cut-backs.

I'd also call my vendors, explain to them the situation, see if they can cut their prices in exchange of good-word-of-mouth here on TK, or see if they'll allow you to make payments after the wedding.

If you were to ask from someone, would it just be your parents? You say immediate family...does this include siblings? Do you have family members that have $2500 to spare?

I know how you feel, we ended up having to ask DH's parents to help us out with the HM.

Katshia

Added response to everything in main post Thank you all for your advice

ocgirl310

I would feel uncomfortable asking my extended family, as you suggested, to make donations for my wedding. I always have my dad's voice in my head to keep any feelings of entitlement in check- If I can't afford it, than I don't deserve it. Simple as that. Sorry to hear about getting fired, that sucks. : /

Blueyed228

Dont take a honeymoon.  That cuts out 1100 like you said.

I would not ask anyone for money.  Get a part time job.  Target, McDonalds, Wal-mart, wait tables, get 2 jobs.  Do whatever you have to.  You can certainly make 2500 in 4 months.  All you need to do is make 20 a day for the next 120 days.

The situation sucks.  But its do-able. 

ocgirl310

Yeah if you can't afford a the honeymoon you want, well its weird to ask for someone else to pay for it if they haven't already offered. Cancel the honeymoon and try to get your deposit back or try to put it towards a vacay in the future when you have the extra money to spend on a luxury like that. GOOD LUCK

2dBride

~~The cost is slimmed down as much as possible-1100 left for honeymoon, 600 for photographers, 400 for DJ, and the rest for the ceremony musician and misc. Really cant cut out or slim down anything.

Yes, you can cut out things.  You could skip the honeymoon or delay it until you can afford it.  You could skip the ceremony musician and use a CD for the music.  You could have an iPod wedding instead of a DJ, or even just have a reception that has no dancing.  You could ask friends to take digital photographs and send them to you instead of having a professional photographer.

In fact, we did several of those things.  We did not have engagement rings. Our wedding rings are plain gold circles with no stones or decoration.  We did not take a honeymoon.  We used a CD for ceremony music.  We had a very low-cost photographer only for our ceremony, and no professional photographer for our reception.

With those steps, you could manage even if you make no money at all between now and August.  To the extent you can find any kind of job, even if it is working at Starbucks, you can put back some of what you cut.

Yes, all of the things you are talking about would be nice to have.  However, begging relatives for cash is not a good way to go about getting them.   It's bad enough begging for money for things you really need.  But you do not "need" a party, which is what a reception is, or a vacation, which is what a honeymoon is.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horribly-rude-ask-immediate-family-members-paying-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:075405a5-1504-4731-8daa-7506279d5d36Post:9852e214-4a25-41ed-9af6-b46ff0be2737">Re: Is it horribly rude to ask immediate family members for help with paying for the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]~~The cost is slimmed down as much as possible-1100 left for honeymoon, 600 for photographers, 400 for DJ, and the rest for the ceremony musician and misc. Really cant cut out or slim down anything. Yes, you can cut out things.  You could skip the honeymoon or delay it until you can afford it.  You could skip the ceremony musician and use a CD for the music.  You could have an iPod wedding instead of a DJ, or even just have a reception that has no dancing.  You could ask friends to take digital photographs and send them to you instead of having a professional photographer. In fact, we did several of those things.  We did not have engagement rings. Our wedding rings are plain gold circles with no stones or decoration.  We did not take a honeymoon.  We used a CD for ceremony music.  We had a very low-cost photographer only for our ceremony, and no professional photographer for our reception. With those steps, you could manage even if you make no money at all between now and August.  To the extent you can find any kind of job, even if it is working at Starbucks, you can put back some of what you cut. Yes, all of the things you are talking about would be nice to have.  However, begging relatives for cash is not a good way to go about getting them.   It's bad enough begging for money for things you really need.  But you do not "need" a party, which is what a reception is, or a vacation, which is what a honeymoon is.
Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely.  You haven't done *everything* to slim down costs, you've made a few cuts but haven't really gotten serious about it.  It's so easy to think "Hey! We'll just have the family pay for it!"  But everyone is in difficult straights now, and I think it's pretty heinous to hope that others will come to our rescue. 

Mrs.B6302007

I agree with Amoro.  There's more you can cut.  You can do a light reception (cake and punch with a few appetizers) and no DJ. If your invites haven't been printed yet, cancel and DIY.
HMs are not a necessity; I'd rather know that I could pay my rent/mortgage and electric bill than take a trip.

baystateapple

I agree, cut out the honeymoon, and see where else you can slim down costs.  Your family members might offer to help pay, and that's fine.  You shouldn't ask them to.  But I hear you...FI's job is not that stable, and we're definitely delaying making some less important wedding decisions (like a honeymoon) until a few months from now, when maybe some things will be a little different.  GL, and I'm sorry this happened to you right now.

lyndausvi

short answer YES..

That said, depending on your relationship  I do not thinks it's too bad to ask your parents and your FIL for a LOAN to help get your through this time.  I know both my parents and MIL would happily loan us money if something like this happened to us.  It would be a true loan with a payback schedule.

In addition to getting a loan I would find ways to cut out some of the things you mentioned.  I would first cut out the honeymoon or at least delay it for a little while.  Even if you have a deposit you will more than likely be able to get a credit to use at a later date.  That right there save you $1100.  Now you only have $1400 to borrow.

Then I would call the vendors to find out what your options are.  You mentioned photographers  as in plural... Why do you need 2 of them?  Cut back to only one.   Did you buy a package?  Can you lower the package?    What about flowers?  Do you really need the all the flowers you picked out?  Can you change some of those to less expensive one?   I saved $500 by getting rid of ceremony flowers. 

Right now everything is so new you are not thinking clearly about what you can cut.  I understand though, losing your job is pretty tramadic.  I understand your want or even need to keep wedding as is.  The fact is something has to give.

kkchisholm

Definitely cut the honeymoon. If you already payed part of it, hopefully you chose to buy the  inexpensive insurance incase anything like this did happen. If your dad offered to help, that is great, but I could not imagine asking my aunts and uncle for money and we are very close.

AdeleDazeem

Everyone has already said my advice: cut your honeymoon.  Even if you pay off the trip aspect, you'd still need some money for all the little incidentals that go along with traveling. 

And I agree with Linda.  My parents would happily loan me money if that's what I needed.  Loan, not gift.  I'd never feel comfortable asking anyone else for money (a loan or otherwise).

But, I do want to say that I'm sorry for the position you are in.  I hope things work out for you!

banana468

For now, at least cut the honeymoon.  That's a huge chunk that you don't need to worry about at the moment.

psichick

yes it's rude.

also there's a difference between getting fired and getting laid off. getting laid off shouldn't prevent you from getting another job, many many people have gotten laid off in this economy. but getting fired will certainly make it much more difficult. if you got laid off, then you don't need to say you were fired because you weren't. if you were fired, well then there's going to be an explanation needed.  

lissypooh628

Yes I agree that you should cut the honeymoon.  Go on a late honeymoon once you get your financials straightened out.  If invites havent been printed yet.. there's plenty of other things to slim down... you can even do Evites which are way less formal but they will save you a ton of $$$. 

Aren't you able to at least get unemployment?

lissypooh628

also, find a different photographer.  Look for a student or newbie to the business that is willing to do it for practically nothing just so they can add your photos to their portfolio.

kbmeow

I agree with others on the cut out the Honeymoon.  Maybe you can get money back from that to help with the other stuff.  There has been a ton of good advise please take it. 

My Fi is having job issues, he may get laid off before he can find another job but if that happens, we have money saved up for bills and such.  WQe also spoke to his parents and they can and will LOAN us the money..  If  it comes to this option we already told them any money we get for the wedding we give back

redheadfsu

Do not ask for money- that is so rude. Like pps said cut more. Cut the honeymoon. Use an ipod instead of a DJ. Cut ceremony music. Ask yourself what do you need to get married, not what do you want to get married. Sorry it sucks, but lots of people are in your position. (me included. - We are having a long long engagement b/c of job/economy issues)

ThePinkSuperhero

As others have said, definitely cut the honeymoon.  You could also do cake and punch for a reception; which can be very chic and sophisticated if done right.  Good luck!

SheilaS

If your close family members are aware of your straits and the upcoming wedding, I would imagine that those who are in a position to help will offer if they're so inclined.

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot.

Katshia

Thank you all! I posted a response to everything in the orginal post.

Night_Sprite

Instead of editing the original post, make a new one at the bottom.  It provides continuity for readers.

HisCB

i was fired, was my fault but i was able to get unemployment. i was also told by the unemployment department that i can get unemployment insurance even if i go to school, as long as i go full time.
some people dont even apply for UI if theyre fired, but i have know a lot of people who are approved after being fired. its up to the company to deny it.
have you applied?

as for your original question. you know your family better than we do. perhaps ask for something to be sponsered in leu of a gift.

duckie1905

There is a big difference between asking for money to survive and asking for money that is, in reality, a completely unnecessary expense.  While I can understand your situation at this point the flowers, the DJ, the honeymoon, etc are not really what you should be worrying about.  You should be concerned with putting food on the table and paying your rent to keep a roof over your heads.  I think it is just silly to ask for money from relatives for a completely unnecessary expense.  

I would take the advice of the other ladies, especially when it comes to the honeymoon.  If you can't afford rent you shouldn't be taking expensive vacations, even if it means you lose some of your deposit.  This goes for many of your wedding things.  Really, you don't need flowers at all, or a DJ, or any of the other things you've said have been cut as much as possible.  Cut them out altogether, put off the wedding until things are more financially stable, or JOP it up.