The Great Date Debate

sodell23

On our invites, we did not include dates for the singles due to a space limitation.  Well, in the meantime, one of my BM's started dating someone and they have recently made it official.  So, since she is a BM and we've been friends for 15 years (and she's finally happy after a string of A holes!) i told her she could bring him.  No problem.  Then later I get a text from a "friend" (although not a close friend) asking if he could bring a date...he and his girlfriend of 6 months had broken up then gotten back together.  Then another childhood friend of mine who recently started dating someone, rsvp with her included. 

The question after all that rambling is.....since i made an exception for 1, do i need to do it for everyone?  we all run in the same circles so they will all know that my BM just started dating this guy and I let her bring him?  Or is this on a case by case basis?! 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If they are officially dating, I'd tell them, "of course!" If they want to bring a random date because x gets to bring his girlfriend, draw the line and say no.

Lisa8888

You said there are space limitations. Is that really true or just an excuse?

If you are at your max capacity, then you can't allow additional people. If you are not at your max capacity, you should allow dates. These are your friends. They should have been allowed to bring a date to begin with. You can't allow one and not the others.

banana468

If they're in relationships, I'd say yes.

amysmomma

I think that if you're only giving guests to your wedding party and for no other singles, let your bridesmaid bring a date, and don't make any exceptions for anyone else.  The reason why I say don't make exceptions is:  whoever didn't get to bring a date and did not get an exception, will obviously be a little miffed that you made the exceptions for other people.

jnic0319

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_great-date-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:07abac14-4637-43ba-a02c-9eeab705eb47Post:24a52257-93a5-48e9-ba0c-e4c7b363bcba">Re: The Great Date Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that <strong>if you're only giving guests to your wedding party and for no other singles, let your bridesmaid bring a date,</strong> and don't make any exceptions for anyone else.  The reason why I say don't make exceptions is:  whoever didn't get to bring a date and did not get an exception, will obviously be a little miffed that you made the exceptions for other people.
Posted by amysmomma[/QUOTE]


Bridal party members should always be allowed a date, your other guests it is a very nice gesture but not mandatory.  Make sure the other bridal party members are allowed to bring their significant others and if anyone says anything that's your excuse "sorry we were only able to allow our bridal party to bring a guest based on space/budget constraints"

amysmomma

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_great-date-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:07abac14-4637-43ba-a02c-9eeab705eb47Post:b04467ad-e329-4b76-889d-c25ded4f1a9f">Re: The Great Date Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Great Date Debate : Bridal party members should always be allowed a date, your other guests it is a very nice gesture but not mandatory.  Make sure the other bridal party members are allowed to bring their significant others and if anyone says anything that's your excuse "sorry we were only able to allow our bridal party to bring a guest based on space/budget constraints"
Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]

Thanks, that's what I meant to say.  :)

Personally I'm giving guests to all my singles, and inviting less people over all, so that I don't have to deal with the exception headaches.  But for you (OP) it looks like it's already to late for that.

squirrly

If they're in relationships and you can at all accommodate them, absoutely, yes, you should extend the invitation and appologize for the mixup.  If you can't (space/budget) or if it's just casual, it's acceptable to say no - but be prepared for some potential pushback. 

golden1215

BM can bring someone and everyone else sorry but no.

stillundecided4

I'm just giving some perspective to the date issue.

I hated when people "didn't know" I was in a serious relationship and didn't invite my significant other. I often didn't attend those weddings because who is that person to judge if my relationship is "serious" enough. That's why I budgeted for every guest to have a date at our wedding, even when I knew some people were single.

nicole1125

We are not inviting and guest to everyone at our wedding, only if they are in a relationship. If they have a serious boy/girl friend that they have been with for a little while and everyone know about it then yes but if they are single and not in a relationship then no.....its silly to pay for some random person that you don't even know to come.....GL

rae19

we are offering dates to BM party and those who have been in a relationship for a while /serious one at the time invitations sent out... a couple people have been in like 3 week relationships and we had to say no. all of our friends know each other, so if they can't have fun together without their "signif other" that we haven't even met yet.. it's a tough call but we just can't afford it!

....... and slightly off topic, but what is with people wanting to bring their kids to an adult reception only? my dad's boss is ticked off we didn't invite his adult children.. neither he NOR us have ever met them! i find this kid thing even more awkward than the date thing..