How do I respond to this situation... ?

bridezilla=

Hi,

Well, my bridesmaids are throwing my shower in a few weeks and invites have been sent. As people are getting them, I've had some awkward convos that I thought I knew how to handle, but just remain weird.

I have been approached several times by people who state they can't get me a shower gift, but will get me a wedding gift... Or they just say it will be a gift for both ( instead of flat out saying it is for one or the other).

I mean... They don't have to get me anything!

So I say things like "oh, it's not about the gifts, I'm just going to be happy to have you there!"

To me... That would seem a good response, but the convo still remains awkward with them kinda weird with them defending why they can only give me one gift ( or no gift or whatever)! It's just not something to be flustered about.

At that point, I dunno how to respond but kinda laugh and say its really ok and change the convo quickly.

I just think its bizarre to have people approach me like this... How can I better explain that it's not an obligation?

I feel bad... Do they think I'm just out for presents? I am only having one shower, and the girls are doing this as a gift to me... I am not really involved at all ( it was supposed to be a surprise but things came out and it's not). People are trying to RSVP to me also, which I think is kinda funny considering I wasn't supposed to know.

Anyways, has anyone been in this position? Or been the person to approach a bride about their gift? I mean, I just don't know how to get people to understand its okay!

lauraanne9

Have you tried "No, really, your presence is the best possible gift".  Not sure I would say that usually, but for the ones who don't get it....

Part of the problem is that the whole point of a shower is to "shower" with gifts...so the expectation of a gift is understandable.

HockeyFan4

"don't sweat it, we are happy we are able to celebrate with you!  Have you tried this bean dip?"

acknowledge the comment and then change the topic.

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-respond-to-this-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:087c2f7b-a7d2-416b-a230-4cf53bb2d9d4Post:e023cdc6-d229-4b6a-8d45-4ed1be2c3ef9">Re: How do I respond to this situation... ?</a>:
[QUOTE]"don't sweat it, we are happy we are able to celebrate with you!  Have you tried this bean dip?" acknowledge the comment and then change the topic.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

This

Though I think it's really weird that people are talking to you about this.
If I wanted to go to a shower and a wedding and only had enough money for one medium sized present, I'd just give a small present at the shower and a small present at the wedding. Or I'd give the medium sized present at the shower, just a card at the wedding, and then send a present a few months later if I could afford it then. I wouldn't discuss this because I'd assume if I was close enough to someone to be invited to their wedding, that they'd understand and not care about this anyway.

I do think that if I didn't have enough to buy someone a present I'd probably politely decline a shower invitation. Essentially someone other the bride is hosting you so you can shower the bride with gifts. If you don't have a gift then you're pretty much having someone you might not even know pay for your lunch for no reason. If you really want them there and it's ok with the shower host then the "presence of your company" response is fine... but it just seems weird to me.

Miss_2010

Do what people have said above.  On the other hand, some people genuinely just dislike going to showers as well

Fluffernut

I had a similar situation at the shower thrown by FMIL.  FI's aunt, who was one of the hostesses, got me a lovely card.  She came up to me after gifts were opened and apologized for not getting a gift.  I basically just said that I was happy she was there and thankful for all her help with the shower.  I agree it's an awkward conversation, but it's more about their discomfort than about the bride. 

Calypso1977

its sad that people feel the need to do this, but in this day and age, the pressure is on people to give, give, give for weddings.  people are tapped out.  so many brides expect the moon when it comes to their wedding.  not saying you are like that, but mainstream media and culture has painted that picture.

itschelsea

I would personally just make a joke out of it. Laugh and tell them they aren't welcome without a present in hand. Seems like an easy way to brush it off. But that's just my personality...