Wedding Etiquette Forum

2 Questions - I'm new! Be nice!

Hi everyone!  Bear with me I don't know all of the FHs, FFILs, whatevers...

Question 1: We're getting married at FH's Dad's house.  His dad has step-kids.  He informed us not that long ago that these stepkids (who we don't really know) would probably have some friends (people we've never met) "drop by" during and/or after the reception.  That's weird right? Can I say no?  Or should I just say whatever - the more the merrier... If I say whatever, the more the merrier, will my caterer be pissed if a bunch of 21-year-olds show up and start indulging in the cash bar?  She'd probably charge me for that right?  I would if i were her...

Question 2: We tried to go the no kids route... We wanted to be polite about it, so we just addressed each invite to exactly who was invited.  We just got a response from someone and she wrote in her two kids into the rsvp - she lives about 5 minutes away from the wedding location. Not normal, right?!  Should I ignore this too? I don't know her - she was sort of a courtesey invite at the request of FH's Dad - can I make him tell her that she can't bring her two kids?
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