Rehearsal dinner lameness

mica178

My priest said he can only do our rehearsal at 7pm.  We're getting married on a Sunday, and the priest will be busy with Saturday afternoon mass and other obligations for most of Saturday.  Originally, I thought "that's okay, we'll have a nice, grown up 8:30pm rehearsal dinner."  But then I remembered that over half (more like 2/3) of the OOT guests invited to the RD are from EST (we're PST), so that'd be asking them to wait until 11:30pm to eat.

Here's the other thing.  My FMIL only wants to invite 70 people max to the RD.  Just WP and OOT family is 60, and we probably have 120 OOT guests total, so about 50 of my FI's and my friends traveling in would not be invited to my FMIL's RD.  Yes, FMIL/FFIL are paying for the RD.

jnic0319

Um how many guests are you having for your wedding?? 120 for a rehersal dinner seems like a lot.  I'm in the same position, all 180 of my guests are oot, that's why they aren't invited to the RD.  Throw an after party if you would like for the oot, but that's too much to put on FMIL, that's like having a second wedding.

sarah0725

Jeez, even 70 is a lot for a rehearsal dinner. But I like the idea of having the dinner before the rehearsal, since all your guests are going to be confused about their body clocks anyway.

mica178

I'm marrying into a really large family.  All of my FI's brothers' RDs have had about 70 guests, so I guess his parents are used to this.

My FI and I just moved to the area, so most of our friends are OOT.  Only my family and my parents' friends are local.  I just feel that if so many people are flying across the country or from out of country for this wedding, they should be invited to the RD, but I agree that 120 guests for an RD is excessive and like a second wedding.

pooh8402

holy crap. just have the RD for the wedding party and SOs/family beforehand. about 95% of our guests were OOT as well, therefore they were all NOT invited to the RD--it would have been like having a second reception.

quotequeen

Does the rehearsal really need to take an hour and a half?

mica178

My priest said it'll take about an hour.  I'm saying 8:30 for the RD to allow the hosts to drive from the church to the restaurant.  Even if we could move it to 8:15, I'm guessing people wouldn't get fed until closer to 9, which might be too late for FI's grandmother and other older relatives.

microkelly

I don't think you need to invite everyone. Honestly it's kind of nice not to have to be somewhere after you've been traveling. Everyone will see eachother at the wedding.

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-lameness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:08beddaa-aa87-45e4-b7ea-a54eeec23967Post:9fc59504-5b0a-4b8f-934c-797cc2d36d88">Re: Rehearsal dinner lameness</a>:
[QUOTE]My priest said it'll take about an hour.  I'm saying 8:30 for the RD to allow the hosts to drive from the church to the restaurant.  Even if we could move it to 8:15, I'm guessing people wouldn't get fed until closer to 9, which might be too late for FI's grandmother and other older relatives.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
it'd be too late for me and I'm only 26. I'm ready to slap someone if I don't have dinner by 7.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-lameness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:08beddaa-aa87-45e4-b7ea-a54eeec23967Post:066db125-0d2a-41d6-bbd8-d50692f5d6ae">Re: Rehearsal dinner lameness</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal dinner lameness : it'd be too late for me and I'm only 26. I'm ready to slap someone if I don't have dinner by 7.
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

Hahahahaha. Me too.

katiewhompus

You don't need to invite everyone to the RD, just people who are part of the ceremony or close family.
Our RD consisted of the wedding party, my parents, his mother, and 2 of his aunts/uncles. Sil paid for it.
I had many oot people who were in town who were not invited, and they were fine with that.

Kristin&eric

I say have a dinner before hand, then those ppl can drive together and they will be there on time, then the after party, FI and I are planningon have the WO and preists for RD, FI mom is paying for RD and all of our guest are OOT, so we are going to have a party afterwards at the hotel or something and meet up with our OOT guest

parker624

We are inviting every OOTer and my immediate family (in town) to the RD.  Its going to be around 150, for a 350 person wedding I don't think its such a big deal. 

Why does the priest need to be at the rehearsal?  Our rabbi will not be at our rehearsal, just the synagogue's event coordinator.

See if you can do the rehearsal without the priest, if not, see if you can do it Friday afternoon, and just have a "welcome dinner" for the WP and OOTers.  That's what we're doing and I think its going to work out fine.

mica178

Our priest needs to be at the rehearsal because my FI's uncle is going to do part of the ceremony, so we all need to get our timing right.  Also, even if the priest wasn't there, the chapel will be in use for the evening mass, so we still couldn't practice.

Friday would be an option for the church, but that would require us asking our OOT WP members (all but three of the 12) to fly out a day earlier, and we're trying to minimize that kind of inconvenience.

lharri12

I voted for Other.  Have an early meal for the 70 guests.  No need for a party that night.  Isn't there going to be a pretty big party the following night?

Theresa626

I voted for the first for a few reasons.  Four PM is not enough time to fly all the way across country, get your luggage, check into your hotel and get to a restaurant by.  they'll miss the dinner if you make it this early.  OR they'll have to fly in the day before.  If they fly in the day before then their jetlag will be gone by the next evening and they will be fine eating at 8:30.  8:30 is not a horribly inconsiderate time to eat.  If I knew what time the dinner was ahead of time, I would plan accordingly and eat later in the day so I would not be hungry come dinner.  

Theresa626

Also, I really like that you're inviting all the out of towners to the rehearsal dinner.  When I flew in for a wedding, I was really happy to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. It gave me more time to see everyone and talk and catch up.  

momofayden

Have the rehearsal dinner before and possibly meet up for some drinks after the rehearsal but you don't need to see very person invited to your wedding the night before and spend a great deal of time with them.  You really need to get some sleep and prepare for the next day since you will be up and going for probably 18hours. 

mrsbin2010

I am also having a Sunday night wedding and we are doing our rehearsal dinner on Friday night. Rehearsal at 5, dinner at 6:30. That leaves Saturday open for spending time with OOT guests. We actually have a room reserved at a local restaurant for an unhosted (not paid for) event on Saturday. That way people can stop by, have a cocktail or dinner, or just sit and say hi. But our rehearsal is fairly small by comparison so it's your call. If you go with Saturday night, I would say have dinner first. (Totally agree with pooh8402 here, heads would roll.) There is no rule that if you all want to go out for drinks after that you and FI have to pay for it.