Confused about jack and jill/bridal shower/gifts!

lindseyrichards98

So I really haven't been to many weddings but I have been to both bridal showers and jack and jills before. Our best man was talking about planning the jack and jill, and then yesterday my maid of honor was talking about planning a bridal shower. from what I understand bridal showers are when you register for gifts and all the women that are coming to the wedding come to the bridal shower and give you gifts like housewares and stuff like that, and a Jack and Jill is co-ed and guests pay to come and there are raffles and stuff that people spend money on and the purpose is to help the couple pay for the wedding. I thought it was a little strange to ask guests to help raise money for the wedding AND give a gift. Are you supposed to have both or one or the other. my maid of honor said that people don't really do jack and jills very often and they are kind of tacky but I have been to more jack and jills than showers and I thought they were fun, I have no problem spending money to help friends/relatives. My fiance thinks that guests go to the Jack and Jill AND bring gifts to the actual wedding. Which I have done before as well but I feel like that's a lot to ask. I was thinking it might be fine to have a bridal shower for older family and a jack and jill for friends and younger cousins etc. since the j&j will have a bar and DJ etc. is that okay?

andy71781

I think Jack and Jills are very tacky.  They are not done within my circle so I cannot advise you to have one.  You might not have a problem spending money on your loved ones but in this economy others might.

Plan the wedding you can afford, have a bridal shower (if somebody throws you one) and enjoy your wedding.

Nebb

No.

[Deleted User]

Never heard of them before the TK, but the consensus around here seems to be they are tacky.

kd.joseph

PP's are correct. J&J's are tacky, in general it's tacky to ask anyone to pay for your wedding no matter how yur wrap it up and present it.

If you cant afford a wedding without one, then JOP it. Or down size the wedding and pay for it yourself.

heyimbren

A lot of people have a J&J or something like that (a wedding fundraising party essentially) where I live but I think they're extremely tacky and in bad taste. If you want to go out and party, do it on your own time and don't make it wedding related.

I'd decline the offer of a J&J, but accept one for a shower if you want. Most people I know bring a small gift to the shower, and then a second gift to the wedding (whatever they can afford). Nobody has to do that, but it's what I've seen most people do.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-jack-jillbridal-showergifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:092701cb-7303-44a4-807c-2d06e70ad862Post:d27dadf4-e519-4459-93f7-7cecd12e20b5">Confused about jack and jill/bridal shower/gifts!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>So I really haven't been to many weddings but I have been to both bridal showers and jack and jills before</strong>. Our best man was talking about planning the jack and jill, and then yesterday my maid of honor was talking about planning a bridal shower. from what I understand bridal showers are when you register for gifts and all the women that are coming to the wedding come to the bridal shower and give you gifts like housewares and stuff like that, and a Jack and Jill is co-ed and guests pay to come and there are raffles and stuff that people spend money on and the purpose is to help the couple pay for the wedding. I thought it was a little strange to ask guests to help raise money for the wedding AND give a gift. Are you supposed to have both or one or the other. my maid of honor said that people don't really do jack and jills very often and they are kind of tacky but I have been to more jack and jills than showers and I thought they were fun, I have no problem spending money to help friends/relatives. My fiance thinks that guests go to the Jack and Jill AND bring gifts to the actual wedding. Which I have done before as well but I feel like that's a lot to ask. I was thinking it might be fine to have a bridal shower for older family and a jack and jill for friends and younger cousins etc. since the j&j will have a bar and DJ etc. is that okay?
Posted by lindseyrichards98[/QUOTE]

Also, I have a question for you OP- how have you been to many showers and J&J but not many weddings? Were you unable to attend the weddings for various reasons? Or were you simply not invited?

I'm asking because the only people who should be invited to the pre-wedding events (including a shower and J&J, if you have either) are people who are also invited to the wedding.

ootmother2

A Jack & Jill shower from what I have experienced, is just a coed shower, usually hosted by BMs & GMs

I have seen J&J showers on here that are what you say.  Money collected, charges for drinks, etc.

lexandfab

Wow, apparently I am very behind on what a J&J is. I thought it was just a joint shower or bach party, where you just combine all the guests. I never realized it was a fundraiser? That is tacky, OP please do not do that. My first thought was how horribly rude. Sorry if that is harsh, just an honest first impression. And if I were invited to both I either would skip the J&J or only contribute/bring a gift to one or the other. I would also think a shower on top of that is really greedy. OK I will stop now.

MrsMack10612

I had never heard of the type of party where you pay money, have raffles etc until recently.

I think it's really tacky...like PP I've always understood that a Jack & Jill was simple a co-ed shower.

Don't do this - you should in no way make your guests pay any money for your wedding.

honeybear43

i have thrown J & J's i never asked the guest for anythng, in fact thet left with favors.

Prettylexa

Im really confused about the whole Jack and Jill thing. I thought it was just a co-ed bridal shower. My fiance and I live out of state and only wanted one shower, but we dont want any one to help raise money for our wedding. My parents are paying for EVERYTHING. Can I have a traditional bridal shower and include my Fiance and his male friends?