Two receptions

mbailey72

My fiance is British, I'm Canadian and we live in England. We're getting married in Canada because I have a large family and his is very small (only three immediate family members), so it's easy for them to fly to Canada for the wedding.

That being said, we have a lot of friends in England. We don't want to ask them to fly to Canada, because the expense would be huge for them. We would rather throw a party when we get back after the wedding for our friends who couldn't come - but we don't want to come off as rude, or gift-grabbing. It's genuinely not about presents, but rather about the fact that we want to celebrate our marriage with these people, but don't want them to feel badly about not being able to fly to Canada!

So - long story long - how do we make it classy? We don't want to ask for gifts, and it won't be a second wedding - it will just be a party. Should we do favours, send invitations, have an open bar? We'll have already been bankrupted by the wedding but don't want to seem cheap! We'd be so grateful for any suggestions!

RebeccaB88

You can have any kind of party you want to and can afford to pay for, really. (Not a reception, just a celebratory party.)  You can do the big dinner and dance and open bar, or you can have a casual family-style picnic or barbecue, or a noontime brunch, pizza and bowling, an evening cocktail and appetizer thing, you name it.  It doesn't have to be expensive, just whatever you want and what you think your group would enjoy doing. 

I'd just skip all the usual 'reception' elements - special toasts, first dance, bouquet toss, don't wear your dress, etc.  Other than that, just plan and throw a fun party.

ETA: I remember from being in England that the Brits really know how to do gorgeous parks and gardens. If you're doing this in a warm season, you could find or rent a garden or park, cater in sandwiches, salads, an awesome fruit, cheese (Brie!!), and bread table, set up some beer and wine, and maybe some traditional lawn games.

GretchenLaRoux

Totally ok to have a party when you get home to celebrate with your friends, just don't make it like a second reception. It doesn't have to be some lavish thing that bankrupts you, either-- host your friends like you would any other time.

Avion22

We're in kind of the same boat I guess.  We live in the UK (I'm in the military and statined here), and the wedding is in the States.  Instead of asking all of our British friends to fly to America, we're just going to have a "welcome home" party when we get back to the UK.  It'll probably be at our house, and we'll cook out or something "American" (our British friends like it when we do American style cookouts), have beer/wine/booze, music on the iPod, and pretty much just treat it like any other house party we would throw.  No "wedding-y" stuff, no cake, no gifts.   

Grits8812

You can do the party however you want, except with the dress, and gifts and such (which you already know).

I don't think favors are really a necessity, but you can do them if you wish. If people want to bring you a gift, they will regardless.  You can deffinatly have an open bar if you wish, but that doesn't mean you have to if you can't afford it.  I'm sure your guests will be happy to celebrate with you even if it is just a backyard BBQ.

I would send invitations just so they can mark it on their calendar. 

jessicabessica

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09344b3b-19d9-49d8-a7e3-985ae4549842Post:e3a37ad7-866f-4648-b3a6-a992fbf83c07">Re: Two receptions</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'd be hurt if my friend was getting married in another country and decided for me that I wouldn't be able to afford the trip</strong>.  Have you spoken to your friends about this already?  You might be surprised about who may want to travel for your wedding.   If you go this route - yes, send invitations (something about celebrating your marriage - I'm sure other ladies can tell you how to word it properly, I don't have any idea about taht).  Yes, have an open bar (host them as you would any other event you would throw - wedding, graduation party, anniversary party, retirement party, etc.).  Favors are not necessary unless you want to do them - I think cookies in the shape of the Canadian maple leaf would be cute.  :)  (I don't like favors unless they are edible.)
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with the bolded part.  I would invite the people you would like to attend, and they can decide if they would like to come.  Then, you can decide whether or not to have a second celebration once you return to England with those who were invited to the wedding but couldn't attend.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you have another party, you don't have to do a replicate reception--I think a cocktail party, drinks and desserts, or a picnic would be nice.  Just remember that when you host a party, you provide the food and drinks--you don't have to have a full bar, but you do need to pay for whatever guests are offered.  </div></div>

mbailey72

Hi guys! Thanks for your feedback and now I have some ideas brewing for how to celebrate our wedding, post-wedding!

For those of you who have asked - we sent invitations to alll our friends in England, but also told each of them personally not to feel pressured to buy flights to/stay in hotels in Canada and assured them we would celebrate here in the UK as well. And many of them have said they'd prefer that, and we don't blame them! So we want to make them feel part of things, but not come off as tacky.

Thanks so much to all of you for taking the time to offer suggestions. I feel a million times better now!

mbailey72

Haha, sorry, I should rephrase - no, I haven't sent out any formal invitations - but I did send a message to my friends in London letting them know we sent the date and saying if they wanted to come to Canada for the wedding that would be great. Given that flights would cost around £600 and they'd have to pay for accommodation, etc., I thought it would be nice to give anyone who did want to come as much notice as possible so they could save up. I also said everyone would be getting an invitation either way but they should feel no pressure as we'd be having a second celebration in London.

Anyway, thanks for all of your help and suggestions!

EmIuliana

Hey there! well, if you say you don't want any gifts, this will not be a wedding reception and so, you can talk to your friends, don't send invitations! Just talk with them and say that you intend on making a party as newlyweds!

DeClue82

Hey! I'm in a similar boat, but all with in the US! Our wedding is in North Carolina (where my fiance and I met and lived up until 1 month ago), we now live in Ohio where his whole family lives and is from. My family is in NY for the most party... and a little everywhere else. We are having a 2nd celebration here in Ohio for those in his family that won't be able to make the trip. We have invited all of them to our NC wedding though. So whoever would like to come to our big shabang will be welcome, but those who don't for travel purposes won't miss out on the fun back here at home after the big day. My family all plan to make the trip, so thank goodness a 3rd celebration was not mentioned!