Two weddings/one day

happychickbride

Hi, 

My husband and I got invited to two weddings in one day.  I have two questions:

One is a sort of "destination" wedding, and I already booked a hotel room.  The bride saw and e-mailed me to say she was excited.  However, we got invited to another wedding that same day (the previous couple hasn't sent out invites, only Save the Dates), which we would like to go to instead.  How should I handle this?  The couple who we just found out is having the wedding the same day is more of a mutual friend of ours, and I know my husband would have more fun.  Also, both couples were invited to our wedding, and the one who is having the destination-y wedding (that I want to back out of) did NOT come. 

The other question is, I got invited to the bridal shower of the bride to be whose wedding I'm thinking of not going to.  I've known her for years, and would really like to be at her shower at least, but is it in bad taste to go to the shower and not the wedding?

Thanks so much!

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-weddingsone-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:095d3997-f4fb-4575-8eeb-02f8edfa8eaePost:61cb6d5d-1e1a-4125-8909-3e98e49e3b1e">Two weddings/one day</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi,  My husband and I got invited to two weddings in one day.  I have two questions: One is a sort of "destination" wedding, and I already booked a hotel room.  The bride saw and e-mailed me to say she was excited.  However, we got invited to another wedding that same day (the previous couple hasn't sent out invites, only Save the Dates), which we would like to go to instead.  How should I handle this?  The couple who we just found out is having the wedding the same day is more of a mutual friend of ours, and I know my husband would have more fun.  Also, both couples were invited to our wedding, and the one who is having the destination-y wedding (that I want to back out of) did NOT come.  The other question is, I got invited to the bridal shower of the bride to be whose wedding I'm thinking of not going to.  I've known her for years, and would really like to be at her shower at least, but is it in bad taste to go to the shower and not the wedding? Thanks so much!
Posted by happychickbride[/QUOTE]

Since bride #1 didn't actually send out invitations yet, you're within your rights to cancel, as you haven't actually committed to the wedding.  If you would still like to go to the shower, then it's fine to go.

ootmother2

If you have already told couple #1 that yuo will attend, no backing out is allowed.  It doesn't matter which one you think will be more fun.

it's not poor etiquette to attend the shower, rather nice imo

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If you have not formally RSVPed to either wedding, it is totally your call. (But if the bride asks about your "no" RSVP, I would be evasive - just tell her something came up and you won't be able to attend.)

I would definitely attend the shower. 

nnoble4

IMO, since the destination bride already acknowledge that you will be coming, you should go.  However, if no formal RSVPs have been sent back, you can still change your plans.
Besides, since its a destination wedding, you can always say that after reviewing your finances, you don't think you will be able to make it.  At this point, it is also definitely acceptable to go to the bridal shower.  With d-weddings, I think the bridal shower is a way for those who can't afford to attend the actual wedding to celebrate with the bride.

lapcan

You kind of already committed to bride #1.  Once you tell someone you're going to do something you should really stick to your word.  She saw that you already booked the hotel room so now you're pretty much committed to going to her wedding.

rbtrumpet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-weddingsone-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:095d3997-f4fb-4575-8eeb-02f8edfa8eaePost:989e9bef-924d-44bf-a2d9-00749d37a4f6">Re: Two weddings/one day</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have not formally RSVPed to either wedding, it is totally your call. (But if the bride asks about your "no" RSVP, I would be evasive - just tell her something came up and you won't be able to attend.) I would definitely attend the shower. 
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

This. 

I am not taking anyone's word that they will be at my wedding until they RSVP.  I've had quite a few tell me right after STDs went out that they would come, and then said they couldn't make it - I understand, life happens - heck we had 1 usher and our reader both do that to us!  Just don't tell them like the week before the wedding - that's rude. 

scoetto

I would let the bride know immediately that something came up and you are unable to attend. HOWEVER, if both brides are your friends on FB and you get tagged in pictures of wedding 2, bride 1 will know you backed out of her wedding to go to another one.

Be honest with Bride 1 and let her know you were invited to a wedding closer to home on the same day as hers, and as much as you would like to attend both, it's financially easier for you to attend the wedding in town. Also stress to her that you would love to attend any functions leading up to the showers, but if you are not invited to them (maybe she's petty?), send a gift anyway.

At least, that's what I would do.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-weddingsone-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:095d3997-f4fb-4575-8eeb-02f8edfa8eaePost:3cd69a12-96bb-494a-8972-74cdf8a7c290">Re: Two weddings/one day</a>:
[QUOTE]I would let the bride know immediately that something came up and you are unable to attend. HOWEVER, if both brides are your friends on FB and you get tagged in pictures of wedding 2, bride 1 will know you backed out of her wedding to go to another one. Be honest with Bride 1 and let her know you were invited to a wedding closer to home on the same day as hers, and as much as you would like to attend both, it's financially easier for you to attend the wedding in town. Also stress to her that you would love to attend any functions leading up to the showers, but if you are not invited to them (maybe she's petty?), send a gift anyway. At least, that's what I would do.
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

I agree wholeheartedly with all of this. 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-weddingsone-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:095d3997-f4fb-4575-8eeb-02f8edfa8eaePost:3cd69a12-96bb-494a-8972-74cdf8a7c290">Re: Two weddings/one day</a>:
[QUOTE]I would let the bride know immediately that something came up and you are unable to attend. HOWEVER, if both brides are your friends on FB and you get tagged in pictures of wedding 2, bride 1 will know you backed out of her wedding to go to another one. Be honest with Bride 1 and let her know you were invited to a wedding closer to home on the same day as hers, and as much as you would like to attend both, it's financially easier for you to attend the wedding in town. Also stress to her that you would love to attend any functions leading up to the showers, but if you are not invited to them (maybe she's petty?), send a gift anyway. At least, that's what I would do.
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

Great advice.  The last thing you are going to want is the bride you are cancelling on finding out the real reason why.