Intentionally Uninvited Guests Tag Along

lenamarie06

I come from a culture where BIG weddings are the norm. Inviting Mr. & Mrs. So and So could mean they would show up with their whole family. To prevent this I've seen couples literally write into their invitations "Number of guests invited:" and then fill in the number of invitees on it. Seems tacky, but I understand their need to be absolutely clear. Is there a better way to do this without offending anyone?

ElisabethJoanne

You address invitations only to those invited. If they RSVP for additional people, you call and explain you can't accommodate them. Instead of "number of guests invited," lots of today's RSVP cards have "___ seats have been reserved in your honor" with the blank filled in.

brilibby4

I think putting "we have reserved ______ seats in your name, as well as putting the actual names of the family members you want invited, is the best way to go.

adamar15

Address the invitations very specifically.  I think some people also put something like "X # of seats have been reserved in your honor" on the response card.  I didn't do response cards so I'm kind of clueless on the wording for them.  If people RSVP for more people than were invited, you'll just have to call them and explain that you can only accommodate the people invited. 

AceTT

What she said.

MyUserName1

We're writing in the names of the guests invited on the rsvp card like this:

Mr. John Doe

___ accepts ____ declines

Ms. Jane Doe

___ accepts ____ declines

Hopefully hard to misinterpret.

mica178

I have seen other brides write the names out on the response cards. For example:
Mr. John Doe  ___ declines ___ accepts ___ beef ___ chicken ___ vegetarian
Mrs. Jane Doe ___ declines ____ accepts ___ beef, etc.

myname1234

18In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_intentionally-uninvited-guests-tag-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:099bc573-adaf-4dcd-ad95-22793a69b0eePost:d9c18b00-c492-44b9-9ded-d4d68167eb81">Re: Intentionally Uninvited Guests Tag Along</a>:
[QUOTE]We're writing in the names of the guests invited on the rsvp card like this: Mr. John Doe ___ accepts ____ declines Ms. Jane Doe ___ accepts ____ declines Hopefully hard to misinterpret.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

This is what I did for the families with children. 

I'd rather assume they didnt' know "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane" meant only John and Jane than have that phone call later :/

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_intentionally-uninvited-guests-tag-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:099bc573-adaf-4dcd-ad95-22793a69b0eePost:d9c18b00-c492-44b9-9ded-d4d68167eb81">Re: Intentionally Uninvited Guests Tag Along</a>:
[QUOTE]We're writing in the names of the guests invited on the rsvp card like this: Mr. John Doe ___ accepts ____ declines Ms. Jane Doe ___ accepts ____ declines Hopefully hard to misinterpret.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

This is what we did and we didn't have anyone bring additional guests.  Another benefit is that there's no chance of mistaking who the RSVP came from, which can be a problem with the 'traditional' RSVP cards if people forget to write in their name.

Carla1019

If your culture is anything like my FI's, I would also spread by word of mouth that your wedding is strictly invitation only. Many cultures do not RSVP so saying "___ seats are reserved in your name" will not work! These guests will still show up with cousins, friends, and kids when the invitation was only for Mr. & Mrs. so and so.

Good Luck!

MiksChick23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_intentionally-uninvited-guests-tag-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:099bc573-adaf-4dcd-ad95-22793a69b0eePost:991536f2-2d34-4a1f-b28e-0b7c5203063f">Re: Intentionally Uninvited Guests Tag Along</a>:
[QUOTE]If your culture is anything like my FI's, I would also spread by word of mouth that your wedding is strictly invitation only. Many cultures do not RSVP so saying "___ seats are reserved in your name" will not work! These guests will still show up with cousins, friends, and kids when the invitation was only for Mr. & Mrs. so and so. Good Luck!
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

I find this horribly rude given that caterers need head counts and the venue would need to be prepared to have seating. This is why a seating chart is nice. Show up univited? Look like an a$$ when you don't have a seat.

Carla1019

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_intentionally-uninvited-guests-tag-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:099bc573-adaf-4dcd-ad95-22793a69b0eePost:043dfd99-9553-4d68-9184-a122d7f53bc8">Re: Intentionally Uninvited Guests Tag Along</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intentionally Uninvited Guests Tag Along : I find this horribly rude given that caterers need head counts and the venue would need to be prepared to have seating. This is why a seating chart is nice. Show up univited? Look like an a$$ when you don't have a seat.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

Trust me! It was extremely hard to get my head around the fact that they practice "open" weddings. They send out a few invitations but anyone and everyone is welcome to come.

But their cultures are different and the entire family on both sides pitch in to make it work. And the weddings last for multiple days. One person actully told me I'm being selfish for having an invitation only wedding. Can't please everyone.