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Has anyone heard of this??

efickleyefickley
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
About a month ago my neighbor got a wedding shower invite from her and her husbands friends. They said it was a Jack and Jill wedding shower, which I've heard of before (never been to one though).. but the part I thought was odd was their invitation was a little poem and it basically said not to buy gifts, just bring money to help them buy a house. Has anyone heard of this before? Have you been to one or had one yourself? Do you think it's appropriate?
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Re: Has anyone heard of this??

  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
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    Yes, I've heard of them.

    No, I haven't been to one, and I wouldn't go.  Or send money.
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  • LP11509LP11509 member
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    I'd never heard of this until I joined The Knot.  Probably a good thing - means my friends and family are not that tacky.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    I had never heard of this.  I know people who want money for things, but then you can't have a shower, right?  Most of the shower is opening presents, right?  Maybe I'm confused. 
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  • srkropfsrkropf member
    500 Comments
    I've heard of Jack and Jill parties and think they're totally acceptable-- but not my style. However, just because you dress up asking for money on the invitation in the form of a poem doesn't make it okay. Any discussion of gifts-- money, objects, etc, should be past word of mouth (after the person asks) from friends and WP-- usually not from the bride and groom, but again, if someone asks, you can say what you're looking for, but you never never TELL someone in an inviatation of any kind-- IMO
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  • pooh8402pooh8402
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    sounds like they just want an engagement party.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
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    I thought you could mention gifts in shower invitations? Is that just wrong? 
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  • pooh8402pooh8402
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    you can mention gifts and registries, but asking for cash is just rude all around.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
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    Well it's called a shower because technically you get "showered" with gifts.

    If they don't want gifts, they shouldn't call it a shower.  Or just say "no gifts please." 

    I don't see anything wrong with saying "no gifts" but flat out telling people to bring money instead is in pretty bad taste.
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:8dfc79ed-eeb5-4c5e-a9d4-37e6fce36745">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought you could mention gifts in shower invitations? Is that just wrong? 
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

    In shower invitations, it's okay to mention where the couple is registered.

    It is never okay to straight up ask for money.
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  • efickleyefickley
    10 Comments
    We were both confused when we read it because we really didnt think they would just come out and ask for money.. and isnt that what the card box is for at the wedding? My neigbor ended up going and giving them money.. but I'm not sure what the other guests did.
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  • AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:8dfc79ed-eeb5-4c5e-a9d4-37e6fce36745">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought you could mention gifts in shower invitations? Is that just wrong? 
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

    You can mention them, as in,put the registry info in the card.  If you just want cash, you don't get a shower. That's all.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    Right, thats what I thought, sorry for being easily confused. 

    Also as a side note, I would find it really strange to get a shower invitation that said no gifts please.  Not as rude as asking for cash, but definitely strange. 
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  • direy25direy25 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:11476482-219b-462a-a701-1d7c593ba6e7">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd never heard of this until I joined The Knot.  Probably a good thing - means my friends and family are not that tacky.
    Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
    This.
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  • shoegal715shoegal715
    500 Comments
    Yes I have heard of them. I think they're gross.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ugh, tacky.

    1 person voted yes. But I don't believe they have posted.... hmmm...



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  • Deanna1104Deanna1104
    First Comment
    I would have to agree on the "word of mouth" idea.  Not straight up asking for money.
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  • SagenhaftSagenhaft member
    10 Comments
    I get why asking for money is tacky and unacceptable, but I thought a Jack and Jill shower was just a co-ed shower. I don't see anything wrong with having men and women there, afterall there will be both at the wedding. Or am I confused about what they are...?
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  • karbar42karbar42
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:d418c314-a49d-47c0-900e-0b770fed6238">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I get why asking for money is tacky and unacceptable, but I thought a Jack and Jill shower was just a co-ed shower. I don't see anything wrong with having men and women there, afterall there will be both at the wedding. Or am I confused about what they are...?
    Posted by Sagenhaft[/QUOTE]

    <div>From what I've read on here, there are two types of Jack & Jill's, one is a coed shower and one is a "fundraiser".</div><div>
    </div><div>The coed shower is fine, the fundraiser, ehh not so much.</div><div>
    </div><div>But as PP said, asking for cash, rude now matter how you try to do it.</div>

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  • SagenhaftSagenhaft member
    10 Comments
    So they're asking for cash AND having a fundraiser? wtf. I will never understand why people plan weddings they can't afford...
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  • efickleyefickley
    10 Comments
    edited July 2010
    I was actually considering a Jack and Jill shower.. (but NOT the asking for money part haha) I haven't decided yet though.. it would be nice to celebrate with my fiance (sorry I'm new and don't know all the abbreviations!) But at the same time it's nice having a girls day...

    oh and I'm not even sure my fiance would be up to it haha he'd probaly say it's a girl thing and to just do it myself! Tongue out
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  • misslolmisslol member
    500 Comments
    I voted yes - this happens all the time and is socially acceptable here in Australia (particularly for weddings - for a shower it's a little strange).

    Are the people involved from a different culture to yours?  Perhaps they don't know what a massive faux pas they've made there...

    FYI - we're not having a wishing well / asking for money, nor are we having a registry.  We're requesting for people not to get us gifts.
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  • LnDUBSLnDUBS
    100 Comments
    I am having a jack and jill shower. Its more of a relaxed BBQ, so family and friends can celebrate with us in a relaxed atmosphere. Also, I thought that if you didn't want gifts then you just don't register anywhere? 
    "does this sweater make me look fat?" "no, the fact that your fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple".
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  • shoegal715shoegal715
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:ad5ac73e-bcc5-46c9-862f-7b3d23242aa3">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having a jack and jill shower. Its more of a relaxed BBQ, so family and friends can celebrate with us in a relaxed atmosphere.<strong> Also, I thought that if you didn't want gifts then you just don't register anywhere? </strong>
    Posted by LnDUBS[/QUOTE]

    <div>True, but there is a big difference between not registering and actually telling people: "We would like money."</div>
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  • shoegal715shoegal715
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:ad5ac73e-bcc5-46c9-862f-7b3d23242aa3">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having a jack and jill shower. Its more of a relaxed BBQ, so family and friends can celebrate with us in a relaxed atmosphere.<strong> Also, I thought that if you didn't want gifts then you just don't register anywhere? </strong>
    Posted by LnDUBS[/QUOTE]

    <div>True, but there is a big difference between not registering and actually telling people: "We would like money."</div>
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  • shoegal715shoegal715
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:ad5ac73e-bcc5-46c9-862f-7b3d23242aa3">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having a jack and jill shower. Its more of a relaxed BBQ, so family and friends can celebrate with us in a relaxed atmosphere.<strong> Also, I thought that if you didn't want gifts then you just don't register anywhere? </strong>
    Posted by LnDUBS[/QUOTE]

    <div>True, but there is a big difference between not registering and actually telling people: "We would like money."</div>
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  • shoegal715shoegal715
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3032ae-9f83-4184-ab03-76c15d55f443Post:ad5ac73e-bcc5-46c9-862f-7b3d23242aa3">Re: Has anyone heard of this??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having a jack and jill shower. Its more of a relaxed BBQ, so family and friends can celebrate with us in a relaxed atmosphere.<strong> Also, I thought that if you didn't want gifts then you just don't register anywhere? </strong>
    Posted by LnDUBS[/QUOTE]

    <div>True, but there is a big difference between not registering and actually telling people: "We would like money."</div>
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