Inviting guests after others have cancelled?

cathinator

Hey all,

Just wondered what you thought of this:
I've had 2 people say they can't come to our wedding and I could invite 2 others to replace them. Since they weren't invited initially, is it bad etiquette to invite them now, only 4 weeks before the wedding? I don't know if they'd feel offended or if it's cheesy or whatever to invite them now since they weren't invited before. My fiance and I chose to have a smaller wedding so it was tough to invite all our friends. Now since we've had some cancellations, I'd like to invite some more.

What do you think?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and inputs!

rbtrumpet

technically it's called B-listing and is generally frowned upon.

However, as you can see in my "C-list" below (which I'm calling C since it's *so* close to the wedding) some people break etiquette - some people are offended by it, some people are flattered, so it's a touchy situation

vegasgroom

Rude, yes, do people do it, all the time. :-)  No one likes to be on the B-list, but how people take that can vary dramatically.  The common 'excuse' to use is hey some of my family members that I "had to" invite just cancelled and I would love it if you could attend; I was worried about offending you since I couldn't invite you initially but would really be happy/honored if you could be there so I decided to ask anyway.  Maybe you'd have a guess as to how they'd take it, may be just fine.

Beachy730

That would be a B-list and its frowned upon. 

The C-List thread is different though, because you are admitting to this guy that you couldn't invite him.  Lettin your guests think they are invited in the first place is when its a B-list, and very frowned upon around these parts.

loop0406

If I was a guest, I wouldn't be offended to get invited 4 weeks before the wedding.
I wouldn't like 1 week before but 4 weeks is okay in my opinion.

MISSCOURTNEY20

I have had people tell me that if someone RSVP's no, that they will come. Wow!

KatyRoseM

I've had someone do the my grandfather can't come do you want to thing to me.  I didn't think it was rude exactly, but I wasn't honored You can do it, and it depends how well you know them. 

LesPaul

We invited a few people this way.  It wasn't really a B-list, just people we thought to invite after the initial invitations went out, and we had room because of a few 'no' RSVPs came in.  No one was offended, and we got to spend the day with more friends.

PharmacyBride

I say allow guests not invited with a plus one to bring someone.  

I think it is okay to invite someone now if they wanted to come and you couldn't accommodate them due to guest size (ie. if someone asked if they could come and you had to turn them down)

Otherwise- I would just leave your guest list the way it is!

cathinator

Thanks everyone! Very helpful. I don't think the people I want to invite will be offended. Just feel bad I couldn't invite them in the first place but it'll be all okay! Thanks again

Calypso1977

i think depending upon the relationship and circumstances, its ok if you place a call and explain the situation (and again, calling and explaining at this level of detail is dependent upon your relationship with them).  i do think its in poor taste to simply mail out "replacement" invites as people RSVP no.

i also dont undrstand the reason for doing b-lists or late invites unless you are in danger of dropping below your F&B minimum or somethign.  is it just to have a full room so you feel loved?  i was actually happy with the "nos" we got as it was money saved.  i am probably one of the few brides out there that wanted a low turnout.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-guests-after-others-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3b20cb-6826-433c-9c97-74d191399465Post:d9ab4ee2-9aeb-4e7c-ad09-60af7f0aaf4f">Re: Inviting guests after others have cancelled?</a>:
[QUOTE]is it just to have a full room so you feel loved?  i was actually happy with the "nos" we got as it was money saved.  i am probably one of the few brides out there that wanted a low turnout.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I don't think that is it at all. In our case, it's because there were people we had to invite-- family-- that we wanted there, but are 98% sure they aren't coming (lots of travel required). however, we aren't comfortable inviting more friends who we'd like to have there too, until we hear back for sure that the family members aren't coming. It's not replacement guests so the space feels full-- it's because we have more people we'd like there, but our venue is small (picked purposefully because all of our extended families live abroad, and probably won't make it).

That said, I won't send out a second wave of invites or anything like that. We've already gotten a pretty accurate head-count of family definitely not coming from STDs (like, the ppl who don't have passports and are making no effort to get them...aren't coming), so I've been adding people to the list who weren't originally on it. I also haven't sent out invites yet, though.

SparrowSong

I couldn't do it with a straight face, and by that I mean invite them trying to pretend it was a regular invite. But if they are aware it is a last-minute invite and are totally fine with that, then I see no harm in including them.

bonnyandtim

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-guests-after-others-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0a3b20cb-6826-433c-9c97-74d191399465Post:751b9510-893a-4047-8d1d-728e9139b05f">Re: Inviting guests after others have cancelled?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I was a guest, I wouldn't be offended to get invited 4 weeks before the wedding. I wouldn't like 1 week before but 4 weeks is okay in my opinion.
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

I agree.

My invites are going out 4 weeks before (I did STDs, so I think I'll be OK). I just dropped the ball on the invites. (oops)