Facebook engagement etiquette

DodgersBride

FI proposed and my mom called me an hour or so after but I didn't tell her. We went to see her a few hours later and told my parents and grandma. My sister came over. I text close family I wanted to tell. FI told his parents the next morning and then we had lunch. We waited a bit to change our relationship status but to tell you the truth FB wasn't even on my mind at the time.

Meegles4

We called our parents the night he proposed (a saturday) and spend the next day calling extended family (grandparents, and important aunts, uncles, cousins and friends). We changed statuses on that Monday or Tuesday. I'll say that it was difficult to keep it off FB for more than 2-3 days because as people started finding out via our phone calls and texts, they logged on and posted congratulatory messages.

So, be quick about it to intercept that kind of thing, but definitely call or text certain people first. I made a list of people I felt needed the "personal touch" and made it a goal to accomplish that within 24 hours so that we could then announce it via FB and avoid anyone spilling the beans before we'd told everyone we needed to. For many of our friends, we sent a quick text, for the critical family members, we called.

Personal aside -- I found out my cousin was engaged through FB and I was miffed. She later asked me to be in the wedding and all I could think was "if I'm important enough to be in your wedding, how was I not important enough to warrant a phone call or text when he proposed?"

I'd also avoid ring shots. If a good friend posted that they wanted to see a picture, I texted one to them, but I didn't post one for the world to see. I felt it was flashy and unnecessary. I do think I have one up there from the e-pic photos, but it's much more tasteful than the usual blatant bling pics taken on a cell phone.

I also agree to avoid talking about wedding things on FB. You're not going to invite all of your FB "friends" presumably, so just avoid it. You'll talk about it in person with the people who care, and everyone else on FB seriously doesn't care so why talk about it?

[Deleted User]

We didn't tell anyone the night it happened. We waited until the next day since my family was coming up for the weekend, so a good portion of them knew right away. Then I called the remaining people (dad, grandparents, aunt, and a couple close friends) and H called his immediate family. We didn't have Internet access that weekend and my family has a big mouth, so word spread pretty quickly.

By the time we got back to a computer, people had already posted about it so I just updated my page.

StephanieM22

I called my family right away since we were seeing FI's family later that week we told them in person. Friends got told and anyone who wanted a ring pic got texted one. After all the importiant people knew it was posted to FB for everyone else. There is no ring pic on FB. 

J&K10910

We called our parents the next day, I called my two best friends the next day, we texted a few other close friends, and then put it on FB.  A week later we told my grandma and aunt and cousin on Christmas (none of them are on FB so it was no big deal and we wanted to tell them in person). 

bostongrl23

I called all the important people, and texted the rest of my friends who I wanted to find out from me personally. 

I wanted to keep the news off FB until I was able to tell people, but sadly, FI's aunt tagged us both in a post congratulating us on our engagement, so then it was out!

And I did post a pic of the ring (but just one!) and only because about 30 people were posting asking to see it. 

Grits8812

  we didnt call anyone right away, we just waited to see them.  i updated my status after my close friends and family on facebook knew.

trixie549

We called all the important people the day after getting engaged (parents, grandparents, best friends, etc.) and I let my mom spread the news to others (aunts, uncles, cousins, close family friends). Then a day later, I posted a picture of our proposal (caught on camera to my surprise) on FB with a status change.

I'm not a fan of ring pictures on FB - they look overly showy and like you care more about the ring than the engagement.

aragx6

FI is never much of an AW -- if there's one of us about whom you could say that it'd definitely be me, but he was so excited he immediately wanted to change our relationship statuses on FB. I was like "Dude, we need to call people first!" So we called parents, siblings and super close friends and then posted it. Everyone pretty much knew it was coming, but I still wanted a chace to tell our nearest and dearest!

As for ring shots, I'm not a big fan either, but FI really wanted to, so he put it up on his wall. I couldn't tell him no lol!

noodle_oo

We told everyone we could in person or by phone.  So we waited a bit to tell a few people, but it was so nice to see their reaction in person.  Anyone we weren't going to see within a week or 2, we called and told.  We did not update our FB for probably at least a month, until after everyone who we wanted to notify knew.  So then it was just aquaintances who found out via FB, which is fine.

I'm not a big fan of FB and so I don't use it much.  But I think a lot of close friends/family will be sad if they find out in such an unpersonal way.  So I'd avoid having a lot of people find out that way.

I don't like ring pics on FB.  It is very "look at my huge ring" vain.  People will see it in person when they see you.  No need to advertise it on FB. Not to mention, I know a lot of people sort of "stalk" FB and will judge it if you post it, so I like to avoid giving people the opportunity to that.

Kate61487

I called my parents right away - dad already knew, because H asked his permission, but I had mentioned to H previously that I really wanted to be able to tell my mom, so he gave dad a heads up and dad kept the secret (for a whopping, like, 24 hours, haha)

After we had a moment to revel in it, just the two of us, we started making the calls.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, closest friends (who ended up being our WP).  Most of H's calls were "she said yes" b/c his closest family and friends knew he was going to ask.  When we got home I wrote up a facebook note that announced our engagement with a brief synopsis of how he popped the question and sent it to the rest of my close friends/sorority sisters (all invited, of course) so that they'd *technically* hear it from me first.  Then we changed our statuses and I did post a ring pic b/c my mom and several others had asked.  It was a busy night; and I had to turn off my phone because of the text/email/FB responses to the news.   

Basically I called those people important enough to me that I'd be upset if THEY had a major life event and I found out via FB.  After the proposal itself my wedding talk was VERY minimal on FB

eorea

We didn't do the traditional proposal. We just decided to get married so it would have felt weird calling people and telling them. I told people in person when I saw them. 

I never posted anything wedding related things on FB. We didn't even change our relationship status until two months before the wedding. I think it's fine to change it after telling family/friends. We just didn't think to do it sooner. 

I'm fine with ring pictures. They don't bother me but one picture is enough. A girl on FB posts a picture of her ring every other day. It's getting annoying. 

PetalPockets2012

We didn't tell anyone the night it happened. The next day we called family and friends. We went ahead and put it on fb that day since spouses and other friends had heard and started posting.

HappyBone

After the intital shaking and overall freaking out, I called my mother and father. They already knew since he asked their permission (sigh), but every girl dreams of the day she calls her mother with such good news! My fiance and I changed our status' and the comments came flooding in within minutes. No ring pictures. I personally find them a little trashy. Your engagement ring is something sacred, not something people should comment or like. So in short, as excited as you are, it may not be best to post every little detail of your engagement. Besides, don't you want to tell the story to the dozens of people who ask in person?

Simply Fated

I just want to say that I'd be really hurt if I found put my friend was engaged through Facebook. Based on what I've seen from certain friends and his sister, we'll probably have to tell them we're engaged, then tell them to not post it on Facebook. It's such a weird request to have to make, but it's the reality now.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:f478bb7f-3fff-4645-99fd-185d6130074a">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I just want to say that I'd be really hurt if I found put my friend was engaged through Facebook. Based on what I've seen from certain friends and his sister, we'll probably have to tell them we're engaged, then tell them to not post it on Facebook. <strong>It's such a weird request to have to make,</strong> but it's the reality now.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I don't find it that weird.  I mean, before facebook it wouldn't have been totally unheard of to say "oh don't tell anyone yet, we want to spread the word ourselves".  You're saying the same thing, it's just that now FB is a more likely outlet than then calling or writing someone else.  One of my friends recently announced her pregnancy to our group of friends - she asked us not to tell anyone (FB or otherwise) until they'd finished telling family (wanted to do it in person over the holidays) I found that 100% normal....

parrothead84

My entire family knew and I texted close friends immediately after. I think I changed my FB later that night after I knew all my close friends saw my text.

I wouldn't post all details about the wedding, but I don't think a ring shot is inappropriate. I had one, because it was included in the engagement party pictures. Do what you want; if someone is annoyed by one picture of your ring, let them "unsubscribe" to your feed. It's one picture - not the end of the world.

[Deleted User]

We let our family and closest friends know right away and then did a cute status update.  FI just posted "SHE SAID YES" and left it at that and I did something similar.  As for pictures, I only posted one ring shot (a close up of the ring with the bear it was presented to me on) and it was in an album of our entire adventure that day (Islands of Adventure/Universal Studios Florida, followed by dinner).  I had been snapping pictures of our just for fun outing with no clue that it was all a part of a master plan.  It was so much fun to go back through the pictures and corrolate the hints and clues that this was more than just time in the park together.

Some of our friends posted vague status updates that something was going on for friends of theirs, but they waited until we were officially announcing it to do a call out by name/tagging.  It turns out my FourSquare posts were actually helping them keep tabs on when things might happen.  I wasn't checking FB so had no clue, but it sure was fun to check my news feed later and see their comments.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:0ffb8427-c532-4330-8265-d533476b42d4">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook engagement etiquette : I don't find it that weird.  I mean, before facebook it wouldn't have been totally unheard of to say "oh don't tell anyone yet, we want to spread the word ourselves".  You're saying the same thing, it's just that now FB is a more likely outlet than then calling or writing someone else.  One of my friends recently announced her pregnancy to our group of friends - she asked us not to tell anyone (FB or otherwise) until they'd finished telling family (wanted to do it in person over the holidays) I found that 100% normal....
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]
That's very true. I think the only difference now would be his little sister. Ten years ago no one her age even had cellphones, let alone fb pages, so it would never occur to us to ask a 15 year old not to tell anyone. Now there it's just second nature to post it, text it, blog it... or tweet it and watch it go to all online social networks at once.

thejucheidea

I found out my sister was engaged via Facebook after a friend called me and asked if I knew about my sister being engaged. This is also how my parents found out about it. We were not pleased and at this point, we all hate the guy.

I'm NEY, but before doing anything on Facebook, I'd tell my family and his family. We'll likely go visit both of his grandmothers, his parents and my local grandparents then call my grandmother and other Californian family members. I'd probably have a grace period of 2-3 days before any mention on Facebook.

And ring shots are obnoxious. One of my friends did it awesomely -- she did a poll and asked if people even wanted to see her ring, and when she saw that a lot of people did, she then took a picture... and it was never her profile picture, 'cause Maggie has class.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-engagement-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b80625f-2764-41b3-afdf-3f2fc530c8aaPost:4ea1e0e4-b6ff-4b0d-8a35-e2ac9ef91805">Re: Facebook engagement etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I found out my sister was engaged via Facebook after a friend called me and asked if I knew about my sister being engaged. This is also how my parents found out about it. We were not pleased and at this point, we all hate the guy. I'm NEY, but before doing anything on Facebook, I'd tell my family and his family. We'll likely go visit both of his grandmothers, his parents and my local grandparents then call my grandmother and other Californian family members. I'd probably have a grace period of 2-3 days before any mention on Facebook. <strong>And ring shots are obnoxious. One of my friends did it awesomely -- she did a poll and asked if people even wanted to see her ring</strong>, and when she saw that a lot of people did, she then took a picture... and it was never her profile picture, 'cause Maggie has class.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]
How are ring shots obnoxious but a poll ABOUT a ring shot (which was subsequently followed by a ring shot) not obnoxious? I fail to see the logic there.

I think it's perfectly normal to be excited about the ring and post a picture or two of it. Plastering it all over FB and replacing your face (profile pic) with it... that's excessive. But one or two mobile uploads? I have no problem with it. I'm always excited to my friends' rings when they get engaged, and they are much more clear on a computer screen than a tiny phone screen.

Bonzo2011

We were with my parents when FI proposed. We told his parents and sister in person, called aunts/uncles, my grandma, and my sister. Then we happened to be able to see two of my best friends in person, called the other close friends. I think it was a couple days after that we changed relationship status on Facebook.

I did have a lot of requests from friends for ring pictures. I didn't put any up at first, mostly because I'm a theater techie and I was in the middle of painting for a show and my nails were all covered in super-saturated paint that doesn't wash off easily! A couple weeks later, after my nails were clean again, we did take some pictures of the ring. I never posted them myself, though, my dad actually did that. I thought that was fine, since it was a single picture posted to my wall with the caption "It's so wonderful to see my mother's ring on my daughter's hand." Sweet, to the point, not overdone. I've never posted another ring pic.

I don't think I've had any wedding related status updates, I try to keep that off Facebook. Most people really don't care that the STDs came in the mail this week, or that I'm going BM dress shopping with the girls. It just invites drama. When people ask me questions, I respond in a private message, and I tell them why I'm doing it privately. I normally don't get public posts from the same people twice!

My dad does post things about the wedding occasionally, but considering 99% of his friend list IS invited to the wedding, and the others are long-lost friends from high school or college who would have no reason to expect to be invited, it doesn't bother me. My dad is tasteful about it, never tags me, and it's more along the lines of "proud father status" than just mindless gloating like some of my friends have done with their weddings.

Dancecreationgrl

I got engaged on Christmas Eve last year and when he proposed my family was there so they knew... we called his parents and texted everyone close to us first! Once we had told everyone close to us I posted a ring shot and updated my status! Everyone else kinda figured it out from there!

cebrady89

Well, we called our parents (who knew when the proposal was taking place anyway) and told them first, then close family.

I called a few of my closest friends and had no intention of putting anything on facebook - we actually thought we would keep our status listed as "in a relationship" just because the attention you get from changing your status can be a bit much, at least within my groups of FB friends. 

But, alas, one of my FI's friends posted a congratulatory status on his facebook, so then I felt like I had better post something on mine so any extended family and friends didn't feel like I was keeping it from them (or something...it just felt weird having someone ELSE make the announcement, no matter what the venue)

So I posted a picture of my ring that night -- this all happened within, oh an hour of the proposal, haha. I was annoyed, to say the least.

I don't really know if there's an etiquette for FB per se, but always remember that even if your posts are private, other's posts are not, and no matter how quiet you want to keep things, putting it online makes it public. Just be prepared for word to spread FAST if anything goes on FB

cebrady89

One thing I HATE about facebook --- people will write on my wall saying "Loved your save the date! etc etc" and meanwhile there are hundreds of people that can see that post who suddenly realize they aren't invited. 

Soon2BeMrsTing

I made a list of all the people I wanted to make sure to inform firsthand before H proposed.  (We had talked about timeline, and so I knew it was coming.)  With the two of us being overseas and the resultant 12-hour time difference, it took a few days to make all our calls. We probably posted on FB on about day four or day five.  I never did post a ring shot, although I like to snoop for pictures of others' rings! (What a hypocrite.)

Friends of ours just got engaged last weekend, and someone wrote on the guy's wall "The end of the day is long enough to wait, right?  CONGRATULATIONS ON THE ENGAGEMENT!"  That's obnoxious on the FB friend's part, because who knew whether they had already told everyone they wanted to by the end of the day! 

FaithCaitlin

We called my parents and texted close family/friends.

Then we changed our status of FB. We didn't post pictures of the ring as I think it's tacky. 

skmc82

I made a list of who I wanted to call and who I wanted to text when the news happened so I wouldn't get overwhelmed. I knew that there were cetain people I wanted to hear straight from me, and not from their mini feed. Once I had contacted everybody on my list, I put it on FB and we changed our relationship statuses. I have kept statuses to a minimum. I put one up when I found my dress, when it was 100 days til the ceremony, but other than that, nobody needs to know. If you share all of your details on FB nobody will be surprised when they come to your wedding! There's a certain level of mystery to maintain for the ceremony and big day.Share with your bridal party and close family but keep it at that!

nikki2969

I think you're thinking too much into it. It's FACEBOOK- it's not a big deal.

MrsKelley2012

We called our family and close friends first.  It took an entire week to call everyone!  We waited until "everyone" knew, and then made it "Facebook official."  Our friends and family really appreciated the phone call, and several people commented on how meaningful it was to hear it from us personally before Facebook.  Even though it was killing us not to post "WE ARE ENGAGED!!" immediately, it felt like the right way to do it.