*POLL - Paying for attendants travel/lodging*

Blusieme

Ciao knotties....thanks in advance for your input on this one: 
We are planning a destination wedding. Originally we were going to elope, but then decided we wanted a few of our closest loved ones to share the experience with us. And the ones we asked, were elated that we invited them along.
I know when you invite a "guest" to a destination wedding, you are not responsible for their expenses. However, my guests are actually our "attendants". they are the ONLY ones coming.  
So how much of the expenses do we have to cover for them? Airfare? All of the hotel or just part of it okay? Is etiquette stretched when you are on a budget? 
Not that it matters, but we've invited 6 peeps total. Only 2 would be able to share a room. 
~Danke
 

sarah0725

I'm not going to vote in your poll, because I don't think there's a clear etiquette answer on this one. When it comes to paying travel and lodging for attendants, I think the rule of thumb is that you should do as much as you can afford to do. If you can afford to pay for them, then great. If you can't afford to do it completely, then do what you can.

If I were in this situation and planning to travel a long way as a bridesmaid, especially if it was expensive, I don't think I would expect the bride and groom to be able to afford to pay for the entire thing. I'd put up as much as I could on my own and then be graciously surprised at anything they offered. If they did help me out, though, I would be really grateful.

Loopyseven

Your poll doesn't include an option to pay nothing.  I don't think etiquette REQUIRES you to pay anything... but in the interest of not asking crazy amounts of $$ from your nearest and dearest chipping in to help cover their costs would be nice...  If you can afford the whole bill, even better.  If I was asked to be in a DW I would expect to cover my own travel expenses including the room at wherever we were staying and make my decision whether to participate in the event based on those costs.  Anything they covered for me would be a bonus.

katiewhompus

I'm not sure on destination weddings but I don't think you are responsible for paying their way. But it's an awesome thing to do if you can afford it.  I would offer what you can afford and let them make the decision to go or not.
Are there multiple hotels available? Maybe offer to pay airfare and they can decide what hotel they want to stay at depending on their budget..

sarah0725

Also, why is it the case that only two of your six attendants can share a room? If someone was offering me a free place to stay, I'd be happy to sleep on the floor if that's what it took. For our wedding, FI and I are planning on renting two beach houses for family and wedding party, and I have a feeling that there will be a number of people in sleeping bags.

lyndausvi

I paid for as much as I could.   We had 15 attendants, all but 3 were family.   Lodging for family was taken care of between my parents and MIL.  One BM who was not family also stayed in the rental house with us.    The 2 guys who were not family, we took care of their attire, golf and fed them (and their dates) 3 squares meals for 3 days.  All of which added to more than their rooms I'm sure.

So basicially I say pay for what you can.  If that means everything than great.  If that only means meals and/or an activities, then that is fine also.  Being a DW I do think you should take care of extra things than you would because of the time and expenses need to attend a DW wedding.

lyndausvi

I paid for as much as I could.   We had 15 attendants, all but 3 were family.   Lodging for family was taken care of between my parents and MIL.  One BM who was not family also stayed in the rental house with us.    The 2 guys who were not family, we took care of their attire, golf and fed them (and their dates) 3 squares meals for 3 days.  All of which added to more than their rooms I'm sure.

So basicially I say pay for what you can.  If that means everything than great.  If that only means meals and/or an activities, then that is fine also.  Being a DW I do think you should take care of extra things than you would because of the time and expenses need to attend a DW wedding.

Blusieme

Only 2 are able to share a room b/c the other 4 BM's are brining a plus one (some of my BM's are married).  

I offered each BM to pay for some of their lodging cost (its an exotic island so I'd like for everyone to stay in the same hillside resort as where the wedding is taking place). 

I'm prepared to pay for a fraction of the cost, but I kept reading in mags, etc, where "etiquitte" states the couple had to cover ALL lodging for ALL attendants. I felt bad for being a "cheap-skate". 

thanks ladies...

ootmother2

It's  correct etiquette to proved accomodations for your bridal party.  Accomodations do not necessarily mean paying for seperate hotel rooms

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-paying-attendants-travellodging?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c4f6e59-6f12-4d39-b60d-fec04913600dPost:588e35aa-83a2-420f-b531-30b552967a35">Re: *POLL - Paying for attendants travel/lodging*</a>:
[QUOTE]Your poll doesn't include an option to pay nothing.  I don't think etiquette REQUIRES you to pay anything... but in the interest of not asking crazy amounts of $$ from your nearest and dearest chipping in to help cover their costs would be nice...  If you can afford the whole bill, even better.  If I was asked to be in a DW I would expect to cover my own travel expenses including the room at wherever we were staying and make my decision whether to participate in the event based on those costs.  Anything they covered for me would be a bonus.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

my sentiments exactly.