Alcoholic Father of the Bride

littlebearbride32106

I know similar posts have been put up recently but I really am not sure what to do.  My father has been an alcoholic literally since his late teen years and nothing has ever been able to make him quit his drinking.  I asked him to walk me down the aisle and he agreed.  I was extrememly happy about this because my parents are divorced and although he will always be my dad, the reassurance that he is going to give me away is nice.  He is a great man but when he gets a lot of drinks in him, he can say things that are hurtful, embarassing or inappropriate.  Not having my father at the wedding is not an option, he will be there regardless but is there any polite way to request that he refrain from having more than one or two drinks at the reception?  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  Thanks!

beatlesgirl25

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I think the post below about the alcoholic mother has a lot of good advice and suggestions that are applicable to your situation, if you want to check it out.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-alcoholic-mother-of-bride-not-attend-wedding-1

ThePinkSuperhero

Would asking do any good?  If he's truly an alcoholic, I can't imagine he'd be able to control himself, even if he wanted to and really tried.  It's probably better not to get your hopes up that he'll be able to change just because it's your wedding day.

akmackay

I'm in a similar situation- I at one point told my dad if he didn't stop drinking he wouldn't walk me down the aisle. He said good- not the response I was looking for. After months of not talking, we are on *okay* terms now. I am just going to ask that he only drink beer (he's a scotch drinker) and will ask to keep it toned down. I hope he realizes this means a lot to me.

mandybear7

From experience with alcoholic family members, I want to first say I'm sorry you are struggling with this.

Al-Anon was very helpful for my cousin who has an alcoholic father, have you tried attending?

Hopefully you can have an open dialogue with your father and come to a conclusion. If that means him attending your ceremony, and not your reception, that may have to happen.

britne28

I'm curious, several people have suggested that beer only be drunk and not hard stuff.  You can get drunk on either so how is that going to make an alcoholic more managable? 

If your dad is an alcoholic I think you have to be prepared he'll go beyond a few drinks as it is a disease and if they could stop at 2 then these threads today wouldn't be posted. 

I do hope it goes well for you though.

akmackay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcoholic-father-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0cc53350-b973-408e-9538-bfa85f1841dbPost:e757142c-ec0a-45f1-9375-6cb637f5ac93">Re: Alcoholic Father of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm curious, several people have suggested that beer only be drunk and not hard stuff.  You can get drunk on either so how is that going to make an alcoholic more managable?  If your dad is an alcoholic I think you have to be prepared he'll go beyond a few drinks as it is a disease and if they could stop at 2 then these threads today wouldn't be posted.  I do hope it goes well for you though.
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]

I just know that it will take longer for him to get drunk. I realize he will drink regardless, but if he has scotch it will be 2 or 3 and he's bad. If beer, it's quite a few more and he tends to drink it slower (I just know his ways by now). It's not that he won't get drunk, but he's usually more manageable with beer.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would definitely talk to him about it, but if all else fails, mention it to the bartender and have him refuse to serve your father past the point of intoxication?

squirrly

Try talking to your dad first.  Tell him that you want him to enjoy the reception, too, but maybe make a deal that he only gets a drink if you get one?  Since I don't know him, I have no idea what might work, but think creatively about it.  If he's reasonably understanding and accepts that his drinking can be an issue at times, you might have decent luck getting him to agree to one per hour or something else to keep him slowed down. 

Good luck.