non traditional wedding

pinklo9

So me and myfiance are getting married next year (6/30/11) in Sorrento, Italy.  I had wanted to elope then have a casual BBQ when we came back..  I found out he is excited for a "private ceremony" in Italy (he is Italian with family still over there) but wants a formal reception with seated dinner and everything.  We are now going to have the reception at our very good friends' vineyard in our town within a week of coming back.  I am trying to figure out what is appropriate to do at this reception.  I don't want to dissapointe people but I dont want to be too formal and feel like i'm making a big deal out of the day when it's not really our wedding day... do we do the first dance, cake cutting, bouquet and garder toss?  I personally don't think tossing the bouquet or garder is really apropiateAlso how do I explain this in the STDs and invitations.. most people know what is going on but there are some (like my grandfather in Florida) that don't and I don't want to mislead them.

Beachy730

You are right when you say this will not be your wedding day.  That will be in Italy.  Have you looked into whether your marriage in Italy will be valid here?  I only know of people going to Mexico and the Bahamas and then needing to do a legal ceremony here after.  If that's the case, you could do a small ceremony that day.  I think you are on the right track by skipping the garter and bouquet toss.  I don't think a dance between you and your FI would be horrible though.  As for invitations, you could so something along the lines of:

After being joined in marriage
in Sorrento, Italy on June 30th, 2011

John Smith
&
Sarah Jones Smith

Invite you to celebrate their marriage
on ____
at ______


Also, you might want to  check out the Destination Wedding board for more ideas on how to do this. 

linguo42

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say Sorrento is gorgeous and I'm kind of envious! FI and I were so very tempted to elope when we were in Italy

opalsky007

This is called an At-Home Reception (AHR) and it's pretty common for destination weddings.

I like dnbeach's suggestion for the invitation wording, but I'd make it clearer that it's a reception only, something like

John Smith

and

Sarah Jones Smith

invite you to a reception in celebration of their marriage
which took place on xxx in Sorrento, Italy.

Date
Time
Place

I have no idea if that's "right" but I think it's clear what the event is. I think cake and the dances are great, but I would also skip bouquet and garter tosses and so on.

SineadHickey

I'm no expert, but I personally would do whatever you want. Destination weddings are beautiful and everyone understand why they weren't there.

I know if I went to your reception and you did a garter/bouqet toss, I wouldn't be thinking to my self "how offensive that they did that, they got married in Italy, they broke the rules!" I would probably be in a big crowd trying to catch the bouqet!

buckettgirl

Wouldn't it be inappropriate to have her listed as "Mrs. Groomsname" on an invitation to an at home reception if the invites go out before they are married?
For my first wedding, we married in a private ceremony out of state and had an at home reception 3 weeks later. I had to send out invites for the reception before we got married and listed myself with my maiden name.  Depending on the timeframe, she shouldn't list herself on an invitation as being Mrs. when she isn't yet married.

squirrly

Since the reception invites will have to be sent out before the wedding, you'll have to use your names as-is.