Wedding 2 1/2 months away, no sure if inviting someone, help!

Isabellev1

Hi!  I will marry in late November. I already paid for the invitations, that will be ready either this week or the following one. Anyway, when I made the list I was never sure about inviting a friend who was very close to me until about two years ago (she helped me and listened to me in a time when I was at my lowest). Since then she has missed my last two birthdays (the second one, ok, I planned on a very short notice). But the first one I planned on a month + advance. Then she was at the place but... just because she was hanging with friends... she forgot about my birthday.

Anyway, I was not that mad about that. But since then we have see very few of each other. This year we have only seen each other once when I helped her market her work at an event. At that moment I went to her house to help, she asked me about the engagement, saw my ring and ask if I needed help for the wedding. I never caled for help or anythin.  Since then we haven't talk, this was in February.

Sometimes I say hi over Facebook or send her inbox messages about things she would enjoy but she does not answer back, though I know she is active on Facebook.

Anyway, should I invite her? Should I ask the person who is doing the invitations to wait and add this new one?

I have become a bridezilla over this silly thing! But I have invited two people from work I do not see much but work in my area (including a former boss until last month), so I feel even though we haven't talk much in two years I should invite her. ....

sbc2013

We aren't going to be able to make this decision for you, but here are some places to start: will you miss your friend if she isn't there on your wedding day? Will your friend feel like it is a friendship-ending move if she is not invited? If yes, do you care? If she would and you care, invite her. If she would and you don't care, don't. Etc, etc. 

mabapunta

I would probably still invite her. I've grown apart from old friends, too, but have reconnected a bit thru Facebook and I look forward to seeing them at my wedding (maybe before as well, but they are 8+ hours away). I can't just drop their friendship entirely just because we aren't besties anymore. Something I try to remind myself is that a friendship is a two way street - it requires both parties to make a real effort. So it's not only her fault that you two haven't kept in touch. Have you hung out together at all just to hang out - all wedding stuff aside?

Of course you know her and your relationship better than any of us. If you think if would be super stressful or something, maybe forget about it. But maybe this will offer the chance for you two to reconnect!

Loopyseven

If you want to maintain a friendship with her and miss your old closeness, I'd invite her.  And after the wedding make a point to make plans with her to meet for a drink or dinner or both for some one on one girl time to catch up.

ootmother2

From what I have seen, Facebook and weddings don't mix well at all.

hoffse

Honestly it sounds like you're still upset that she missed your birthday.... you're an adult, and birthday parties for adults can be sort of awkward for attendees to be perfectly honest.  I wouldn't hold that against her.

Like PPs said, the real question is whether you'd feel weird or bad not having her there.  It's not a question of  whether she has proven herself to you as a friend, but how you feel about her now.

sparkles776

I seriously do not understand why adults hold grudges against their friends for not being able to come out for their birthday. It is seriously ridiculous, your friends are not required to drop their lives because it is your birthday, the world does not stop moving. That is a stupid reason to not invite someone to your wedding.

If she was someone that was there for you at your lowest, you should invite her more so than an old boss. If you feel weird having her there, do not invite her.

MelTimm27

Hi there

I am in the very same position! I have a friend that Ive known now for over 22 years (Im 27). We lived down the road from eachother and did everything together and told eachother everything. She was my best best friend. Shortly before I met my fiance she got a new boyfriend and I saw less of her and even less when my fiance and I started going out.

There came a point where I was tired of always being the one trying to meet up and decided not to contact her anymore, as a result we didnt speak for almost a year. Out of the blue she messaged me and we took it from there.

It wasnt long after though that she fell pregnant and moved in with the father, quite a distance from me. They decided to get married and I was very touched when she asked me to be her bridesmaid. However they decided after to keep it small and married with just their parents and siblings present. She eventually moved back to my area but Ive only visited her once since. That was almost 2 years ago. And this is definately not for lack of trying on my part.

I miss her terribly, we're just not close at all and I dont feel I know anything about her anymore. But I plan to invite her still as not inviting her be the ultimate slap in the face and end to our friendship and I refuse to be the one to make that move as I still care about her. Good luck with your decision!