Engaged Women and Bouquet Toss?

esb55005

I have some weddings to attend coming up, however, all of the weddings I am attending the couples became engaged after me, but my wedding will be after theirs.  My question is, do engaged women participate in the bouquet toss?

lisabeats

I was at a wedding last weekend and tried to stay uninvolved with the bouquet toss (much like I always did before I was engaged). The mother of the bride told me I had to participate! I reminded her I am engaged (my fiance was actually at another wedding and wasn't there with me) but she said I had to go. I figured it was easier to go stand on the edge and "try" to catch it than annoy her, but in general, I'd say stay out!

manjermj

Nope. Engaged women (or any woman that doesn't want to participate for that matter) doesn't participate.

swanrat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engaged-women-and-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ef21434-a707-4acd-a084-b797def42dccPost:3c226314-cd1f-44a8-bfa0-7f442b99176c">Re: Engaged Women and Bouquet Toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was at a wedding last weekend and tried to stay uninvolved with the bouquet toss (much like I always did before I was engaged). The mother of the bride told me I had to participate! I reminded her I am engaged (my fiance was actually at another wedding and wasn't there with me) but she said I had to go. I figured it was easier to go stand on the edge and "try" to catch it than annoy her, but in general, I'd say stay out!
Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]

This exact thing happened to me at a friend's wedding a couple months before mine.

vanityink

Luckily I'm the first of the weddings I'm going to this summer (so don't have to deal with this) but I would feel really, really awkward doing the bouquet toss while engaged (and I actually liked it at the weddings I've gone to before I got engaged, so it's not even I just don't like it). It's about who's going to be married next...if you're engaged, you probably know when you're going to get married, so what's the point. Do you stand next to the single girl who caught to bouquet and point and laugh? I say don't take part unless you really feel the need.

mewebster59

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engaged-women-and-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ef21434-a707-4acd-a084-b797def42dccPost:a9c15f62-f8c7-4a50-94c2-55fa6e1f1f6b">Re: Engaged Women and Bouquet Toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]Nope. Engaged women (or any woman that doesn't want to participate for that matter) doesn't participate.
Posted by manjermj[/QUOTE]

This

Pookieson

Bleh.  Why I'm not a fan of bouquet tosses.  I'd stay out and I do unless someone obnoxious pops up.  Then, I just pretend to *try* and catch it.

PrettyGirlLost

Even before I was engaged I never participated in the tosses because I didn't consider myself to be single; I was dating my BF and had been for ~10 years.

aurianna

Weird. Every wedding I can even remember being at, engaged women try for the bouquet.

Girls with boyfriend/girlfriends participate... and honestly until the vows are said and the papers are signed, those girls are no more 'single' than the girls who happen to have more jewelry.

I thought the person who catches it is "the next to get married." It makes more sense that an engaged woman would catch it than not....

Are ONLY those with no SO's supposed to get up there?
If not, could someone explain the rationale between people with boyfriends being 'single' but people have a ring but still aren't married, aren't?


ETA: I'm not staunchly arguing for engaged women to participate. Just sharing my experience and genuinely curious about the rationale.

PrettyGirlLost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engaged-women-and-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ef21434-a707-4acd-a084-b797def42dccPost:ae25d1c8-0fa7-4881-a059-6588086b6bfd">Re: Engaged Women and Bouquet Toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]Weird. Every wedding I can even remember being at, engaged women try for the bouquet. Girls with boyfriend/girlfriends participate... and honestly until the vows are said and the papers are signed, those girls are no more 'single' than the girls who happen to have more jewelry.<strong> I thought the person who catches it is "the next to get married."</strong> It makes more sense that an engaged woman would catch it than not.... Are ONLY those with no SO's supposed to get up there? If not, could someone explain the rationale between people with boyfriends being 'single' but people have a ring but still aren't married, aren't?
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

I think so, and I think it depends on the social circle also.

Of the weddings I have gone to, the bride/DJ tried to cajole all the single women up to catch the bouquet.  Since I was in a long term relationship, I did not consider myself single.  In my mind, not married does not neccessarily equal single.

Darbie914

In the legal world, unless you are married, you're considered single.  Many loan applicants have tried to apply as 'engaged' or 'in a domestic partnership' but we have had to explain that LEGALLY you are single, as a marriage has not taken place yet.

Perhaps others see this as the situation with the bouquet toss.  Since technically you're not married, they see you as single and feel as if you can also participate.

With that said, this is why I avoided the bouquet toss at our wedding.  We just did an anniversary dance.

steign

Honestly every wedding I have been to that I remember any woman that wants is allowed to particpate in the bouqet toss. If you don't want to participate then don't. There isn't really a rule.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engaged-women-and-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ef21434-a707-4acd-a084-b797def42dccPost:ae25d1c8-0fa7-4881-a059-6588086b6bfd">Re: Engaged Women and Bouquet Toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]Weird. Every wedding I can even remember being at, engaged women try for the bouquet. Girls with boyfriend/girlfriends participate... and honestly until the vows are said and the papers are signed, those girls are no more 'single' than the girls who happen to have more jewelry. I thought the person who catches it is "the next to get married." It makes more sense that an engaged woman would catch it than not.... Are ONLY those with no SO's supposed to get up there? If not, could someone explain the rationale between people with boyfriends being 'single' but people have a ring but still aren't married, aren't? ETA: I'm not staunchly arguing for engaged women to participate. Just sharing my experience and genuinely curious about the rationale.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

I always felt as though the "who's next" idea was "who's next to get a ring on their finger", so I played along until I was engaged and then bowed out since I already had the ring.  I had people during that year try to tell me I was still single and should go out, but each time I had at least one other engaged friend/relative who was taking the same stance and we sat it out. 

As PPs have pointed out I don't believe anyone should ever be forced to participate, but if I was setting the "rule" on who is "supposed to" I'd say over 18 and not engaged/married.  JMO

kipnus

My engaged sister begged me to toss the bouquet in her direction, just because she'd never caught it at a wedding before. I practically handed it to her. Her wedding was 50 days after mine.

NOLAbridealmost

I always thought that any unmarried woman could participate because catching it meant "next to get married."  Then I tried to catch it at a wedding I attended shortly after I got engaged and a snarky girl told me I was not allowed due to the engagement. =/

kerbohl

On the subject, anyone have an idea of something to throw instead of the bouquet?  I'm half thinking of just not doing a "bouquet" toss at all, and half thinking of throwing something that everyone would want and letting all the women try to catch it (my thoughts have been a bag of chocolate or candy). 
Personally, I think anyone who wants to participate in it should.  It sucks to have all the single women at weddings singled out, and no one should be forced to stand up there.