Is a dry reception acceptable?

amartin803

I want to have a dry wedding reception, because 60 to 70 percent of my guests do not drink at all, and some of the others are something to be concerned about.  There are a few people attending whom I can see myself babysitting to make sure they do not get behind the wheel drunk, or that they drink to much and cause a scene.  In addition, I have about 15 kids coming who have never been around alcohol, and I do not want them to get a hold of half empty glasses.  I think I would enjoy it so much better without the concern of the alcohol.  The dilemma I have is that my in-laws keep hinting that it "might be a good idea" to have alcohol, so I am concerned about being offensive by not having it.  Is it socially unacceptable to have a dry wedding? Am I being rude to my guests, if I have a dry reception?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

A dry reception is up to you.  I've known people that have had dry receptions and as long as there is no alcohol at all, and plenty of other non-alcoholic options, then you should be fine.

One "dry" reception I went to provided champagne for the wedding party during their toasts, which I felt was innappropriate - since it was just for the wedding party and none of the guests.

squirrly

If you're avoiding alcohol because you want to prevent guests from drinking, then yes, it's rude.  If you're avoiding it because you have a religious aversion to it or can not include it in your budget, then it's more acceptable to have a dry wedding. 

I doubt that the kids will be running around stealing cups to get drunk.  But, it seems like you assume that if alcohol is around, anybody who isn't a teetotaler is going to be horrendously drunk and a huge problem.  That's just not true.  People don't automatically drink until they pass out if they have a single beverage. 

Trust your guests a bit more.  Or, hire a security guard if you're that concerned.

TTiger03

My sister's wedding was dry.  Only one person even noticed. 

My sister and her husband decided to keep it dry since they don't drink and the only guests she could think of on our side that would drink were 1) nursing new babies or 2) driving long distances home that night and usually don't drink when they are out of their hometown.
The only person who wanted alcohol was the flower girl's father.  My sister and her husband didn't really know this man (My BIL's mom baby sat the girl since she was a tiny  baby and insisted she be their flower girl). He ended up going to the bar on the other side of hotel and getting smashed drunk before his wife dragged him back.  The only reason I knew about it was that my FI (the best man) had to help with it.  None of the other guests noticed. 
* They had a cider toast too, so no alcohol at all.

For my wedding we are having a limited bar because the venue director convinced my parents that our guests will be going to the bar at the attached hotel if they want drinks.  They wanted a little more control.  *My FI's family is much more in to margaritas and wine than anyone in my family.

FutureMrsMcDaniel

Frankly, I don't think it's ever rude to have a reception sans alcohol.  Your reasoning is nobody else's business.  That being said, I honestly believe you are overthinking the alcohol.  Just because people will enjoy it doesn't mean they are going to get trashed and embarrass themselves. 

DH and I are drinkers, but we didn't have a bar at the reception.  It was mega expensive to have one (beer and liquors) and our reception site required a staffer to stand there the whole night to watch over the champagne fountain, while being payed by the hour for it.  We said no thanks and opted for just champagne for the toast.  It was brought out before the toasts.  We offered plenty of other drink options for dinner -- teas, sodas, flavored waters, punches, and coffee. 

flyjawn

i've been to two dry weddings and they were the most boring affairs and a lot of people complained to each other about them...

marisah83

I think dry wedding are totally fine if that is what you want.  I've been to several.  However, if you think some of your guests might be disappointed, you might consider a consumption bar like a pp suggested.  I wouldn't go sans bar JUST because you think people might be irresponsible or because the kids might try to drink.  All of these people participate in other social activities, and I'm sure they will act appropriately.  Besides, the parents should keep an eye on the kids during the reception to ensure they don't do anything stupid.

RoxysMama

Due to budget constraints and the fact that many of our guests did not drink we only provided a certain amount of alcohol (3 btls per table).  We did offer a champagne/ cider toast for all the guests.  And there was a bar inside (which I know some of you think is tacky, but i wasn't willing to go broke just so ppl could drink)  I did what I felt what appropriate and I think it worked out.  We ended up with some wine left over and I didn't see anyone (aside from my uncle) at the bar.  Everyone seemed to have a great time w/ just the wine.  Maybe you should think of just doing a btl or two of wine on the table and thats all?  And I agree w/ pp, ppl need to watch their kids, it won't be your fault if they are drinking

sister2groom

What if you made it a brunch or lunch reception so that alcohol wouldn't be missed as much?

tenofcups4me

Depends on what you mean by "acceptable." There's a standard etiquette answer and then there's a social mores answer, and we don't know your social circle.

There's certainly no etiquette rule that says all functions require alcohol. But in my family and with my friends, it would be weird enough to not have alcohol at a wedding reception that I would say it's "socially unacceptable."

If you don't want to have alcohol, don't, but your reasons seem a bit weird. Do you really have family and friends who are incapable of having a drink or two at a party without making a scene and incapable of watching their kids? Or are you looking for justification to save some money? If you don't want alcohol because you don't want to spend the money, then just own it and opt not to have it rather than coming up with crazy reasons why you shouldn't.

2dBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-acceptable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0efcc91c-e3f8-42cb-bf00-1e6aeb09f0c4Post:65b60922-c917-4b91-a54b-24e49f98282d">Re: Is a dry reception acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]Depends on what you mean by "acceptable." There's a standard etiquette answer and then there's a social mores answer, and we don't know your social circle. There's certainly no etiquette rule that says all functions require alcohol. But in my family and with my friends, it would be weird enough to not have alcohol at a wedding reception that I would say it's "socially unacceptable." If you don't want to have alcohol, don't, but your reasons seem a bit weird. <strong>Do you really have family and friends who are incapable of having a drink or two at a party without making a scene and incapable of watching their kids?</strong> Or are you looking for justification to save some money? If you don't want alcohol because you don't want to spend the money, then just own it and opt not to have it rather than coming up with crazy reasons why you shouldn't.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]I find it amazing how many people seem to think that it is unbelievable that a bride could know that some family and/or friends are incapable of having a drink or two at a party without making a scene.  Alcoholism has a large genetic component, and there are some families (including mine) in which offering alcohol will result in a large percentage of smashed and obnovious guests by the end of the reception.

This is not to say that no one should have an open bar.  I had one at my second wedding (to which those relatives were not invited).  However, I don't think it is "crazy" to make a decision that your particular family and/or friends are incapable of using alcohol responsibly, even though they are adults.

tenofcups4me

I didn't say it was unbelievable -- I asked her if that's really the reason. Because the way she wrote the post, it looked like she was just looking for excuses to not serve alcohol. Like this sentence is just bizarre to me: "I have about 15 kids coming who have never been around alcohol, and I do not want them to get a hold of half empty glasses." If these kids have never been around alcohol before, what would even make someone think this could be a problem?

Manwaithiel

Don't serve alcohol if you don't want to. You dont' need anyone's permission for it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I went to a dry wedding last week and it was actually perfectly lovely. Most of the people at the wedding, including the entire groom's family, does not drink at all. (Neither do the bride and groom, for religious reasons.) But if you're not doing this for personal reasons... well, you have to know your crowd. FWIW, we toasted with sparkling cider. 

lyndausvi

 my family or DH's family?... Not a chance in hell that would be acceptable..

In your family it might be fine..

Point is only you know your family and/or your FI's family to say for sure.

srkropf

It's not rude to have a dry reception-- it's considered rude to have a cash bar-- booze that guest pay for. Basically, it's not rude to have friends come to your house for dinner and not serve booze, but it's rude to have guest at your house and say, you have to pay me to drink my booze

diva7250

I actually had one of my bridesmaids tell me how she couldn't wait to do shots with me at my wedding - my brother's girlfriend was talking about how she couldn't wait to get drunk - my FI was in his cousin's wedding last year, and the bridal party came in to the cocktail hour after pictures and they were all totally smashed.  Growing up with alcoholism in my home as well makes the thought of having people use my wedding as an excuse to get wild is really annoying.  But it really depends on the crowd.  I agree that a cash bar is not okay.  But you said that 60-70 percent of your guests don't drink anyway - why spend the money if they can have fun without it?  And if someone can't enjoy your wedding without drinking, then let them leave.  As long as you make sure there is good food and some great music to dance to, it will be fine.

FI went to a dry wedding last year and said it was boring - blamed it on the lack of alcohol, which I think is a bad excuse.  He hardly knew anyone, and he said they didn't play good dancing music, and it was outside in the daytime so it was really hot.  So - not sure the lack of alcohol was the worst thing at that party haha.  You won't have to worry about anyone getting out of control, getting home safe, underage high school kids drinking (which is my main concern for our wedding), and you'll save a boatload of money.  Go for it if it makes you and your FI happy.

SassyBrass

A friend of mine had a cash bar, and also rented a limo to have on hand to drive people home. It was there SPECIFICALLY for that reason. I thought that was a really good idea if people did want to have some fun.
Some people will leave early for no alcohol. If you don't have any, just know it can happen.
And it's not your job to babysit your guests. It sucks that there are people that *may* take it too far, but keep some options for them. Like if your reception is at or near a hotel, maybe there won't have to be driving involved.
My wedding was at a resort where everyone was staying. If they got trashed, that was their own problem. Don't overly concern yourself with watching everyone. It will only add more stress to a day you probably had stress over anyway.
For now, I think a cash bar is a pretty decent idea. The staff will verify ID (they want to cover their butts too), and guests will be more likely to not go nuts since it's on their dime.
If you don't want to have one, dont. You don't owe them an explaination. But you can always play the budget card if need be.
Good luck!

mica178

I think it's fine to do a dry reception, although as PPs noted, the tone of the reception changes without alcohol.  I'd go for a daytime reception if I wasn't serving alcohol so it's not as noticeable.

iamjoesgurl

If you and your FI had a dinner party, would you serve alcohol (wine, beer, anything?).  If not, I don't think your guests would be surprised to be attending a dry wedding reception.  You know your guests the best and you know yourselves best. 

I've been to many dry receptions and had a great time at each.  I've also been to many weddings where alcohol was served and I didn't drink at all.  I don't think you should feel obligated to serve alcohol because some of your guests would drink it. 

Ready2BMrsWade

I have actually never been to a wedding WITH alcohol. And they were all quite enjoyable. Of course that could depend on your social circle but if people are incapable of having fun without impairment then that is a sad statement on society.

leah2b

It's not rude so long as the reason is something else besides trying to keep costs down.  But, as stated above, it will change the vibe of the celebration.  And be prepared for some people to complain.   I think a daytime wedding would be more suitable for a dry wedding. 

I have been to a dry wedding and yes, I did leave shortly after dinner, as did most of the rest of the guests.  However, if the vast majority of your people don't drink, maybe it will be different.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-reception-acceptable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0efcc91c-e3f8-42cb-bf00-1e6aeb09f0c4Post:b2f79a2f-63c0-4854-aa56-62cd75237282">Re: Is a dry reception acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine had a cash bar, and also rented a limo to have on hand to drive people home. It was there SPECIFICALLY for that reason. I thought that was a really good idea if people did want to have some fun. Some people will leave early for no alcohol. If you don't have any, just know it can happen. And it's not your job to babysit your guests. It sucks that there are people that *may* take it too far, but keep some options for them. Like if your reception is at or near a hotel, maybe there won't have to be driving involved. My wedding was at a resort where everyone was staying. If they got trashed, that was their own problem. Don't overly concern yourself with watching everyone. It will only add more stress to a day you probably had stress over anyway. <strong>For now, I think a cash bar is a pretty decent idea. The staff will verify ID </strong>(they want to cover their butts too), and guests will be more likely to not go nuts since it's on their dime. If you don't want to have one, dont. You don't owe them an explaination. But you can always play the budget card if need be. Good luck!
Posted by SassyBrass[/QUOTE]
The bartenders will check ideas whether the host or the guest is paying.  I've been to plenty of open bar situations both before I was of age and after I turned 21.  I've never seen a minor served at a reputable place.  Furthermore, cash bars wouldn't really keep people from drinking unless they weren't used to them and arrived at the wedding without money.  <div>
</div><div>As for the OP, I don't think it's rude to have a dry wedding.  I would however be careful when (or if) you discuss your reasons.  It's kind of insulting to your guests if you don't trust them to drink responsibly.  Most adults are capable of drinking in moderation.  </div>

mandysmear

I would be gone by 9 or 10.  And if I wasn't that close to you, I wouldn't go.  Distant cousin?  Yeah, no.  Best friend - yes I would go and bring a flask.  If I am going to mingle with people I don't know and dance, I need a couple drinks.  I don't need to be blitzed, but I would like to enjoy a couple glasses of wine.

squirrly

I'd recommend that you discuss your concerns with your venue.  They can probably police up cups off the tables if you want them to watch super closely, and maybe they can have a special kids beverage station so that the kids can have what they want easily, thus keeping them away from half-empty cups.

Also, the bartender should be good to go with keeping an eye out for people who drink too much.

Best of luck.

andamu

In my social circle, it wouldn't be necessarily unacceptable, but it would be unusual.  Everyone's is a little bit different.

That said, I've known some brides and grooms who are really not fans of alcohol use but have served it on their wedding day anyhow.  I'd rather attend a dry reception than feel like I'm being judged if I choose to imbibe somewhere that's serving.  (Not saying you're judgmental, but some people I know are.)