4 ?'s Registry Etiquette: Gifts vs Money

Mike&TiffanyRasmussen

Help! So my finance and I have so many questions given our particular situation.  We are 29 and 30.  Have all the basic pieces for starting our life off together, won't be taking our honeymoon until a year later (so honeymoon regs is out), and live half way across the country.  Money would be nice but so would be items that take our home one step up....like All Clad, a kitchen aid mixmaster, camping gear, and a crate and barrel mulitpurpose dining table.  We get married next summer and want to have this all ironed before we go home for the holidays and start getting bombarde with questions.  So, our questions are:

1-We don't currently have a secure place for our gifts to be sent where we live out of state--NYC mail delivery can a bit shady when you don't have a doorman- however, some guests (like my future in laws) will insist on buying an actual item.  Any suggestions for how we can address this when not home to watch out for the mail? 

2-Our registry items are on the pricey end: 75+ with a few under 50. Is this okay?  I feel like we are fishing for items that we don't need but are cheaper.

3- $$ is always nice given that we are just finishing grad school but don't know how to nicely ask...is there one? 

4- How many registries should a person have?

Thank you for any thoughts. 

Simply Fated

1-We don't currently have a secure place for our gifts to be sent where we live out of state--NYC mail delivery can a bit shady when you don't have a doorman- however, some guests (like my future in laws) will insist on buying an actual item.  Any suggestions for how we can address this when not home to watch out for the mail?
Is there a secure place they could be sent to, like yours or his parents house?

2-Our registry items are on the pricey end: 75+ with a few under 50. Is this okay?  I feel like we are fishing for items that we don't need but are cheaper.
I would register for a few items that are a bit lower priced, but definitely dont' register for anything you don't need. Surely you could use some less expensive items, like new dish towels or new shower curtain rings. Think outside the box.

3- $$ is always nice given that we are just finishing grad school but don't know how to nicely ask...is there one?
There isn't one. Look at it this way... everyone needs cash. Everyone knows everyone needs cash. If someone wants to give cash, they will. If they don't want to give cash, they might not, even if you request it.

4- How many registries should a person have?
I personally wouldn't go higher than 2, but some people here have gone on to do 4 or 5. I would take into account how many people you're inviting, actually. Finding enough gifts for 300 people at one store might be a challenge, but if you use more stores, it might be easier. Also, it gives guests more options of where to shop.

Kate61487

1.  Is there anywhere else you could send them? like a friend? or neighbor who is home to receive?  Otherwise I'd look into a PO box and have that listed on your registry (even if you ask the post office to hold packages many stores send fedex or ups).

2.  I would see if there's anything you want/need on the cheaper side.  register for pots separately instead of a set.  put some kitchen aide accessories on (like the slicer/shredder - my fav) in addition to the mixer itself.

3.  ditto PPs, you dont ask.  People will give money unprompted.  If you really would prefer it you can tell your parents that, should anyone ask what to get you / where you're registered they can respond with "they're really saving up for _____ (a house, a new car, etc.)"

4.  you can have more than one, but you don't want to spread yourself too thin, especially if you're only registering for a few items.  We had three - Kohls, BB&B and pampered chef; but we were starting from scratch so each one was pretty decent sized.

lauralaur

1. When we lived in an apartment building package deliveries were a pain so we had all gifts shipped to my MIL's house 25 minutes away. Anytime my mother sent me anything wedding-related or non she always sent it to my office (they were OK with this).

2. Can you think of any smaller items to register for? I've been on the end where I couldn't afford anything on the registry and felt kinda bad about it. There must be something like cookbooks or cookie cutters or picture frames that you've been wanting but haven't bought because you haven't needed it. There are a few things I've found that I could really use more of like sheets, pillows, pillow cases, beach towels, etc. so even though I have those things I could really use extras/spares.

3. There is no polite way to ask for cash but if your registries are minimal most people will get the hint. You can always tell people if they ask.

4. I think it depends on what you are registering for. I've seen couples with four jam-packed registries but they literally needed everything. I think it's good to have a variety of stores (i.e. maybe one with higher-end items and one with less expensive basics).

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

1. PO boxes usually don't accept packages. Either deal with the insecure mail (register at places that are good about replacing lost gifts) or send it to another house.

2. Actually, this dovetails with 3 nicely. If you don't register or don't register for much, people might just give cash. However, sometimes registries with high priced items and nothing else look greedy. Some people prefer to give a few low-priced items because their budget might only be $30 or $50 and they don't want to just put that amount of money in an envelope. Also, if you are having a shower, you'll need to fill out the registry more (and people tend to spend less on shower gifts than on wedding gifts). Surely you want something, like new salt and pepper shakers, a citrus squeezer, a garlic press, new towels, as new wastebasket for your bathroom?

Anywhere from 0-3 registries is okay, but if you have 3, I would make at least one an alternative registry, like camping gear at REI. I didn't want to register, but my husband finally convinced me to do Crate and Barrel. We registered for dishes, home decor, kitchen supplies, small appliances, etc there. He wanted an alternative for people who don't live near a Crate and Barrel, so I conceded that we would register for our linens at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I would do something like that - make sure different things are on the different registries.

Calypso1977

we opted not to register and spread through word of  mouth that we wanted money for our house. 

we ended up with 90% cash and gift cards. 

i often get packages delivered to my office if its something i dont want sitting out or something i dont want my H to see (like a christmas/bday gift).  is that an option?

emilykathleen511

As for the whole shipping issue, you can always set up a mail hold. That way you can just go to the post office to pick up your packages. I got married in another state and so was away for a few weeks. We set up a hold at the post office (you can set it up online). Then when we got back, we just went to the post office and picked up all of our mail.