Using gifts before the wedding?

stina93446

Hi everyone, I read the knot response and I googled answers for this but they're mixed. I know that you can open wedding gifts as they arrive, and that you are to send a thank you note ASAP so that the guest knows that you received them. However, I am not clear on the "not using them before the wedding" bit. Is this the whole "don't count your chickens before they hatch" business? We already live together and we really NEED this stuff on the registry and it seems really sucky that the stuff would have to sit in the corner until we get back from the honeymoon....so tell me, why aren't we supposed to use the gifts?

Calypso1977

in case the wedding gets called off. 

stina93446

That's what I thought....but even if we did split up, we'd return a brand new one of whatever we used. We really need all the stuff that's coming our way.

Mrs.B6302007

Should the wedding be called off, you would need to return all the gifts in the same condition in which they were received. 

georgia_bride09

You're supposed to wait until after the wedding just in case the wedding doesn't happen and you have to return them to the gift-givers. I used a few of mine from people who would understand if I gave them cash back instead of the coffee maker, etc. Most of our stuff stayed boxed up because we were moving right after the wedding.

ac_in_dc

ditto stagemanager.

Mrs.B6302007

As long as you're prepared to purchase the same items, then it's your call to go ahead and use the items.

Calypso1977

in that movie, "catch and release" she kept the gifts even tho the guy died before the wedding.  i actually wouldnt expect my gift back if the B or G died (hasnt the person been through enough?!?) but does this same rule of etiquette technically apply even in those situations?

ffmaid

If the wedding gets called off for any reason even something awful like one of you dies then the gifts must be returned in unused condition. If you could affford to rebuy everything then you can use it but only iff you are ok with rebuying everything if something awful happens  

stina93446

Yes, Mrs. B. We would purchase new gifts and return them to the givers. There are a couple things we've used already and my mom gasped. His mom sent us a salad bowl that we used because we had a big party here and he really wanted to use the new food processor because we didn't have one. I did mention to fiance that if we broke it off, we'd have to return the gifts new, and he just said, "ok, but that's not going to happen." Whatever happens, we're prepared to give them back.

Mrs.B6302007

Calypso - technically, yes because the gifts were for a wedding that wouldn't take place.  I'm sure under the circumstances, many guests would insist for the B or G to keep the gifts anyway but just the same, the attempt to return them should be made.

jennylynnhankins

It's probably polite to attempt returning new gifts in the case of a B or G dying; however, I doubt this is a priority for the person who survives. Returning gifts for a wedding that would never happen sounds almost or more painful than packing the loved one's things. I wouldn't even expect an attempt at ettiquette in this case.

julie22685

I wanted to wait until after the wedding just because I thought it would be more fun to open everything after the honeymoon. My DH insisted on opening and using most of them before the wedding.

banana468

Technically it doesn't matter 'why' the wedding was called off - just that if the wedding doesn't take place as planned then the gifts should be returned.I have to say though that there are a ton of circumstances why I'd want the gift to be kept. 

Septwedding09

Does everyone feel the same about shower gifts? 

Mrs.B6302007

Yes.  Shower gifts are still wedding related.

nealbl

I am not the kind of person who would have been thinking I shouldn't use this in case me wedding gets called off. I was very confident that my wedding was going to happen. I used plenty of gifts before the wedding.

Mrs.B6302007

Nobody thinks their wedding is going to be called off.  There is nothing wrong with being practical when it comes to other people's generosity.

amelianguy

The other day I was watching a Grey's Anatomy rerun where Burke leaves Christina at the altar and so she goes around the hospital auctioning off her wedding gifts in exchange for surgeries. Wouldn't it be nice if that was proper etiquette? *lol*

cashandrich

We are using all of our stuff already. This wedding is already paid for and going to happen no matter what! lol.

xgurl3eb

we're definitely using our stuff beforehand.  We've been living together for years and dating forever, the wedding is definitely not getting called off! Plus i'd rather get some use out of the fun things on the registry right away than bet on the .0001% chance that something happens to make us call of the wedding.

katyboo

Hi all :)Call me an old fuddy-duddy, but I think the general rule is that you wait until after the wedding, since it is a wedding present.  Even if it's a shower gift, it is meant for your life as husband and wife... and even if you're living together beforehand, I think you're still supposed to wait and just kind of make do with what you have until then.  It used to be that you would only register for your china and your silver, back in the olden days... Obviously nobody thinks that their wedding will be called off for any reason, and so sure, it is tempting to use all of that shiny new stuff... but won't it be even more fun to do that when you can call each other Mr. and Mrs.??  Just my two cents.   

cravecase

We moved into our new place and literally have NOTHING.  We are using everything we got sent to us and at the showers.  I will replace it if need be, but it didn't make sense to go out and buy 'cheap' stuff when we had the perfectly good stuff we registered for filling up the dining room in boxes.

bonniebrett

someone sent a martini/margarita basket that had some nuts in it. i didnt even want to eat the nuts, but my mom said they would go bad. sometimes i get a gift i'm excited to use, but can't get myself to use it until after the wedding. we don't have enough forks, and everytime I have to wash one before dinner, I wonder if we should use our new silverware, but I can't do it. just superstitious. i had a friend who called off her wedding, and couldn't return most gifts because they were used.

Jimowife

firstly, your not suppose to be thinkin that maybe the wedding could be called off or u might spilt, you believed in your relationship thats y u said yes. if u want to open the gifts go ahead, they are yours, they will be eventually opened anyway. dont think negative about your future with your FI, open as they come, it will avoid u having to return alike gifts,

Mrs.B6302007

:sigh:Stina asked "why aren't we supposed to use the gifts?"  It was explained to her where that came from.No one is telling her not to open them or not to use them either.

banana468

firstly, your not suppose to be thinkin that maybe the wedding could be called off or u might spilt, you believed in your relationship thats y u said yes. if u want to open the gifts go ahead, they are yours, they will be eventually opened anyway. dont think negative about your future with your FI, open as they come, it will avoid u having to return alike gifts, Where's the secondly?

Septwedding09

Oh and as for the thank you note, I'm waiting until after the wedding because I have "Mr. and Mrs." thank you notes, that I will DEFINITELY not be using until after the wedding.  But I will call/email to let people know I received them.

coppercoin123

I haven't used gifts we've gotten yet because they were shipped from a specific store with invoices (no prices listed) - I figure I can use these invoices to return these items if I get duplicate or similar gifts without a guest receipt/invoice (if someone buys me plates off my reg and someone sees I registered for plates at Target and finds plates they know I'd like at a local store - I can return the Target plates, for example).

moonlitmama

we're already getting gifts for our fall wedding, if any of it is outdoor-related, it is definately getting used this summer! and the friends/relatives who purchase it will benefit too when they come over. keeping a new barbeque sealed in its box because one of us might die before the wedding seems... well - kinda weird

jenihana

No one will know.  Use what you want.  As long as the wedding isn't 2 years away, I'm sure you're good.