Wedding Party Dates...

amadmn10

When a groomsman or bridesmaid brings a date and there is a head table, where should their dates technically be seated?

amandasw

with them at the head table

whitsy

With them.

duckie1905

With them.  If you can't seat them together have a sweetheart table for you and DH and allow the WP to sit with the rest of the guests.

mocha beans

Seat them together.  Either have them at the head table or let them sit where they like with their dates..

ggmae

With them at the head table. We just did a sweetheart table and had our WP at surrounding round tables with their dates and families. It was a lot more enjoyable for them and a few actually thanked us for it.

banana468

Ditto - with them at the head table. Technically they should be seated across to or next to them. 

tigger9922

we are doing a U shaped head table so that everyone can sit together.  I really like the idea of having everyone around.  Splitting them up just seems wrong and uneccessary.

september's bride

Ordinarily, they sit with their dates.Our WP is sitting with us at the head table, but we've all been friends for years and years, so all the dates (spouses and fiances) are hosting their own table as our best friends. If we had a scenario where the dates of our WP didn't know each other well or hadn't met before, this would not be happening.

cbell090509

Please consider letting your wedding party sit with their dates if they have one.  They will thank you for it.  I had to go to a wedding with FH and we got split up.  He was at a head table and I was at the date table with people I didn't know.  This may be fine for social butterflies, but I'm shy and introverted at best, socially awkward at worst. 

amadmn10

We are definately either having a sweet heart table and having our WP and their dates be seated around us. I just needed to double check the correct way. We are going to a wedding on Saturday that I'm not looking forward to going to. My fiance is in the wedding and they already said they are mixing up seating with the wedding parties dates!!! I couldn't believe it! It's so rude and I really don't want to go because I know all the groomsman and groom and thats about it. Chances of me being put in a corner with random people I have never seen or ever will see again are likely! Sorry had to vent....

banana468

I never understand why people do this.  Surely there's a way that the bride and groom can come up with a seating arrangement so that they look pretty and their WP doesn't get the shaft.

september's bride

I guess I don't understand what the big deal is. I've been seated at the "dates" table before and survived without feeling like I'd been shafted. I like meeting new people, and really - it's only for dinner. I can think of bigger gripes than having to eat dinner without FI.

banana468

That's not the point.  It's one thing if all the dates are friends and get along.  However if you have an odd one out, why do that?  Aside from it being really rude to split up couples on a day that's all about love and togetherness, why split up the WP?  You wouldn't do that to any other couple attending - why do it for the WP, the people who often to the most?

september's bride

I don't see it as "splitting up couples" if the WP is seated with the bride and groom - they're there to support their friends, and I don't know anyone who's ever felt shafted for having their s/o sit at a head table while they sit elsewhere. I just don't see it as a big deal. I'm perfectly comfortable being the odd one out, and don't take it as a slight at all. But that's just me. I totally understand that some people may not be comfortable socially, without their date as a bit of a buffer, but that's not my situation and I don't think I even know anyone who's not willing to strike out on their own in a situation like that. I've never even attended a wedding where the WP sits with their dates!

banana468

Hey, if it works for your situation then great.Just out of curiosity though, how is seating the date of a WP not at the same table as his/her sig other NOT splitting up a couple?If it isn't splitting a couple, would you do that for any other couple attending?

Kati0105

it's only for dinnerI've never been to a wedding with assigned seating where the dinner didn't last AT LEAST 2 hours.  If I paid money for FI and I to travel to a wedding and buy a gift or bring money I'd be annoyed I couldn't at least spend time with him.  I am fairly sociable but why would I want to sit with people I didn't know for over two hours?  Head tables are seriously outdated IMO.

september's bride

It's that "splitting up couples" makes it sound mean and spiteful. It's not like the WP consists of people who are randomly seated there while their dates are seated by the washrooms. Your WP are your best friends/closest family, etc. and they have the best seats in the house, and their dates host their own table. It's not like I'm saying, "Jake, I hate Stephanie and so you're going to sit up here with us, and she's going to sit somewhere else." It's not malicious to want your friends to sit with you.

september's bride

And I realize that my opinion doesn't subscribe to the collective P&E opinion about head tables, but it doesn't particularly matter. I'm not committing any grave ettiquette faux pas by having my head table, and none of my friends (nor their dates, for that matter) have qualms about my choices. It's how we do it in my circle of friends, so I'm happy with it. I don't disagree with anyone that if my situation were different, and my WP's guests were not close friends, that they should be seated with their dates, or at the very least, with people they know and not just lumped together at a "date" table.

banana468

It's that "splitting up couples" makes it sound mean and spiteful.No.  That's what it sounds like when you don't seat a couple together.And September's I'm not saying what you're doing is bad.  Your situation is one that works.  I'm anti for situations like the OP's.Yes the WP are the closest friends to the couple.  So why split your closest friends up from the people who are closest to them?  The logic doesn't really make sense.

amadmn10

For our wedding party, most of them have to travel a minimum of 2 hours and at most 5 hours from Central Indiana to Eastern Michigan. I think it would be rude for us to sit their dates away from them after they traveled, paid gas money, hotel, etc. to support us for our day. The people that I know in the wedding that we are going to Saturday are all groomsmen. I can't name one person that will be outside the wedding party and I just think it's rude to sit a groomsmans/bridesmaids date with random people. If the wedding parties dates were sat at a table...not as bad of a problem but to sit me with the grooms dad's uncle?! Or the brides family since I don't even know the bride?!

smokeybailey

At my sister's wedding there was a head table with her and her DH, his son (the BM) and me (MOH).  My BF sat at another table with friends.  He knew everyone and didn't care that he wasn't sitting with me.  I know that this situation is much different than bringing a date that knows no one.  I wouldn't mind sitting apart from my BF if he was in a wedding but my sister would be SO uncomfortable if she was among strangers.  Seat the couples together unless all of the dates know each other pretty well.  If there is just one odd man out then you shouldn't split the dates. 

polichik

I don't know anyone who's ever felt shafted for having their s/o sit at a head table while they sit elsewhere.Nice to meet you! I traveled 600 miles to go to a DW with FI where I knew nobody but him, the bride, and the groom. During the 3 hour dinner, I was placed at a table facing away from FI with four couples, none of whom said a word to me the entire night. Mind you, I'm a very outgoing person, so I dealt, but I have friends who would have been miserable.It's one thing if all of the SO's are friends. But come on... Just as you always invite the WP's SO's to the RD, seat them together at the wedding.

cbell090509

I went to a wedding with FH where he was in the wedding party, as I said earlier.  It would have been one thing if I was just sitting without him at dinner, but I had already been by myself or with strangers for hours at that point since he had to get ready with the guys, be in the ceremony, and have photographs taken.  By the time that ceremony stuff was over, I still had to be on my own for introductions, toasts, dinner, and special dances.  Yeah, I was a little bit resentful by that point.  I would have totally not gone to the wedding, but I didn't feel as if that were an option.  So yes, it's an option not to seat the WP with their dates, and I've been to weddings where I was totally fine with that, but then again, those were weddings where I knew people that were not in the wedding.