Mother backs out of payments- 2 weeks before wedding

linzy5677

So my mom wants to "talk" to me and makes sure I was home a couple days ago to do so. I get home, she doesn't say anything, so I begin the conversation. She proceeds to tell me that she has to look into her credit union.... Then tells me that she won't pay for the church (because its not the Catholic Church) and the Photographer (because that's not tradition). Now, she is not footing the bill for these things alone- FI's parents and mine are splitting the cost 50/50. This wedding was their git to us (and frankly, we would had a destination wedding otherwise- I hate all of this drama). And to show you how shitty it really is- my mom and FI's mom have had the vendor/expense list with all deposits and balances in table form from the beginning. She has known about each and every expense for about 1 yr. and a half now. Yet she decides to tell me 2 weeks before the wedding that she won't pay for these things when I don't even have a job. It would be much different if I made crazy demands or booked very expensive vendors or if this was even my ideal wedding. And to top it off, FMIL asked me point blank if my mom was not paying for the photog when we were going over wedding expenses. I don't know why she asked!? BuI am really bad at lying, so I didn't try and FMIL was more angry than I have ever seen her, she was even to the point of tears. She said no one stands up to my mom and that she takes it personally because the wedding was a gift to us. So basically FMIL lost all respect for my mom and doesn't want to be in the same room with her anymore- GREAT!

Lyss5782

That is so frustrating...

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

This is why you shouldn't count on money until you have it in your hand.Hopefully your mom's name was on the contract with the photographer and the church, and not just your FMIL or yours. If not, there's not much you can do about it at this point.

Mrs.B6302007

Normally I'm not an advocate for this but so close to the wedding you may not have much of a choice.  I would look into a small personal loan from your bank/cu.  Don't expect or ask your FILs to pick up the slack.

linzy5677

I am digging into my savings - which is very small. And I wanted to save it because I don't have a job. Fi and I will be fine, but we are pushing it. With all of the other expenses of the wedding (and we have contributed and obviously paid for the HM) it just makes for an uncomfortable money situation.

Mrs.B6302007

You have it in savings? Oh good b/c the loan is still not ideal although better than postponing and losing out on all the deposits and such.Are there any unnecessaries you can cut out (favors, programs, etc) to help with the tight budget?

Night_Sprite

Can you cancel the honeymoon?

linzy5677

Ou dog just died and against the family's wishes she decided to take the dog to get numerous tests and even to a city an hour away to get a full body scan. She probably ran up 1800+ in vet bills. Thats where her financial distress is coming from.

Mrs.B6302007

Yep, HM can wait.

linzy5677

I called the photog and removed her parent album form the bill. That helped. The HM has been paid for outright, we could cancel it, but thats honestly what we are looking forward to the most. After all of this, we really need to get away.

Mrs.B6302007

Are FI's parents paying for their own photo album?  If not, to be fair, you should remove that one from your package as well.  Otherwise it will come across as a "get you back" against your mom.

Night_Sprite

It sounds like you've made your choice then and don't biitch.  Having a honeymoon when it could wait means you don't get to whine about this.

linzy5677

Yes, FI's parents are paying for their own album.

AmoroAgain

Well, even though it would annoy me to no end also, the money your mom spent on vet bills is still her own money.  But I definitely get why it would piss you off that she did it.  What's more important, dog or daughter?  Seems like she made the more um... interesting... choice there.I'm pretty sure that you would lose out on some money if you canceled everything in regards to the HM at this point anyway, but I think if you were really worried about money, then that would certainly help.However, I'm not going to judge you for wanting to get away from everything at this point either.  At the end of the day, your mom was morally responsible for the things she said she would pay for.  It's up to her to take charge of that obligation to you.  I hope you explained your disappointment and frustration with her.  It seems like, from your description, that she knew what she is doing is wrong, but is going ahead with it anyway- for whatever lame reason she can come up with.

torontobride17

That is frustrating but at least you have the savings to cover it. I'm sure it's embarassing for your mum too. And I don't think you should be judging her because she spent her money trying to keep her dog alive.

punkyb2b

How mach is it going to be?  If you dont want to cancel the HM, and I dont blame you, can your IL's pay for it and you pay them back ASAP?Or talk to your photographer, explain the situation.  Maybe they will allow you to do a payment plan.  I'm not recommending it, but can you pay via credit card and pay it off ASAP?

punkyb2b

oops.  I didnt realize you had enough in your savings to cover the whole bill.  I'm sorry about your mom backing out, that sucks.  Hope it all works out for you.

dsouldiva

Having a honeymoon when it could wait means you don't get to whine about this.Actually, if you cancel a holiday with less than 6 weeks notice you don't get your money back so cancelling it at this point would be pretty pointless and wasteful - although this suggestion did give you the opportunity to be catty. I'm sure it made you feel good. ............ linzy5677 If there's any way of cutting back to make savings now would be the time, this really sucks.  Still time to change the food/drink options I would imagine.I don't understand why brides get flamed for being upset when their parents go back on a promise.  I understand that a lot of people now pay for their own wedding but seriously, if someone promises you something and then lets you down that's upsetting, especially when they have knowingly let you make decisions who wouldn't have made otherwise.I don't think it's being spiteful cutting your Mum's photo album at the moment, if you can't afford it now, you can always go back and get prints later, although if she's not bothered about you having a photographer in the first place I can't see her being upset at this.Good luck

notquiteblushing

That totally sucks, I'm sorry it happened to you.  Maybe the photog can let you work out a payment plan.

buttaflai

Wow, that is beyond suck.You are so close to the wedding that maybe this is one of those times a credit card or loan somewhere might be the best option.I can't believe your family would put you through this.

mocha beans

Ouch, I can understand your frustration.  Unfortunately, this happens, and that's why it's always wise to not count on money until it's actually in your hand.  As much as it sucks that mom spent money on the dying dog, since it's her money, it is her perogative to do that.  But anyway, water under the bridge now.Normally I wouldn't advocate this, but you might want to use a CC or get a small loan.  I wouldn't be too comfortable draining a savings account at this point.  You really should have some liquid cash available, especially if you're unemployed.  Is there possibly another family member you can borrow from with the understanding that you will be paying it all back?Also, cancelling the honeymoon now probably isn't feasible.  I'm sure you won't get a full or even partial refund at this point.  It's probably best to just go and try to keep the spending on the HM to a minimum.Good luck.

tlv204

I'm sorry you have to deal with this I don't have any advice better than what PPs suggested, but good luck!

mocha beans

You SHOULD be able to trust your parents to stick to their word, but I know I wouldn't be able to trust my mom with saying she'll pay for this or that.  She's always overly optimistic about financial stuff, and usually overextends herself.  I wouldn't count on her at all, and even if I did get cash, I'd still probably not spend it, because chances are she'd need it in a few weeks to pay rent or buy groceries.It sucks, but it's the way I've grown up.  After getting burned too many times by planning on money that never actually comes, I just don't spend it until it's in hand.

julie22685

The same thing happened to me. My parents let me know less than a month before my wedding that they did not have the money to pay for the things they helped choose and said they would pay for. Some of my other family members ended up paying the food and beverage bill. My DH and I had planned on spending about $6,000 and we ended up spending $18,000. Luckily we had the cash. It still sucked because we weren't planning to use it for the wedding and would have planned the wedding differently had we known all along we would be paying for most of it. Read your contracts and see if the vendors will negotiate with you after they know your situation.