Children at the weding?

kristi101378

My fiance and I had decided that we were not going to have children at the wedding. After talking to his sister, he happened to change his mind, and now wants to invite only two children... his 3 year old nephew and his 5 year old nephew. He doesn't want any other children to be invited. I would prefer not having children attend at all. What should we do?

Lyss5782

Our friends had their only neice (then 2, I think) come to the ceremony but not the reception.  (They hired a sitter).  You could do something like that...

zippityb

It's kind of hard to have some but not others. We are providing babysitters for all children at the hotel since our venue isn't child-friendly.

torontobride17

If your FI wants his own nephews there, I think you have to accept that. They're his family.If your concern is how to limit other children, just set the rule that only children of immediate family are invited. Are make them both ringbearers and say only wedding party children can come.

Lyss5782

*niece...i before e

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Talk to each other? He obviously has a reason for wanting them. Even if we were having no other children at our wedding, I would want our nieces and nephews there. They're immediate family. Only he can tell you why he wants them there. Then you should try to compromise. Is there are good reason why you don't want his nephews there?

aimerzkd214

Well are these the only nephews you all have?  i think that you really should allow nieces and nephews at the wedding.  That way your brothers and sisters won't be upset and other people should be able to understand.

Night_Sprite

What should you do to decide?What should you do to tell your guests?What should you do to learn the cha-cha?More specific please.

danieliza1127

Are there any other nieces and nephews on either side, yours or his?  If not, you could make those two boys your ring bearers and then you can get away with just inviting those two.  If you have other nieces and nephews, you can't really invite some and not others without seriously hurting your siblings' feelings.

danieliza1127

My guess is that he changed his mind because his sister was upset about it or talked him into just letting her kids come.  You and he need to get on the same page.

ffmaid

I think it is very reasonable to include neices and nephews but not other children. I think you should compramize and have the neices and nephews only and not other kids.

kristi101378

OK... here's some more info... We are not having a huge bridal party- just our two special people. We do have many guests invited that have younger children, and I do have a few nephews also. We agree that we do not want to add the children to the wedding ceremony. I felt that the wedding would not be a child-friendly arena- they will probably be bored.

ffmaid

Then invite both of yoru neophews and neices and no other kids. Let the parents decide if the kids woudl be bored or not. Likely not as family weddings are fun even as a kid.

Mrs.B6302007

it's fine to limit it to nephews and nieces only but you can't set additional lines within that one

sammi1285

If the main children involved are only nieces and nephews then you guys need to be on the same page. Either they are all invited or none of them are. I agree with PP, it sounds like you originally said none of them were. Would you be happy with only nieces and nephews? That is an acceptable age "rule", but if thats not what you want then talk to your FI. You shouldn't invite his and not yours.

kristi101378

Honestly, my friends and family have no intention of bringing their children- they want to enjoy an adult evening out. I'm just worried that an intimate formal wedding is really not the place for children. If he really wants them there- I'll be ok with it.

wadingmoose

I find it interesting that you'd exclude the two nephews.I'd honestly prefer no children, but that would involve cutting out my brother's 3 children and my FSIL's 3 children.  I admit that if my brother didn't have family, I would probably care less, but in the end that just doesn't seem right.So, kids are invited.  I couldn't imagine the day without my niece and nephews.  I find it odd that you'd ask your FI to do the same.

kristi101378

I simply did not see the importance of having the children attend the formal event. Also, I do not want to make the other guests feel upset that their children were not invited. As I indicated, it's a very formal, intimate evening, and I just didn't think that childrens attendance was appropriate... If he wants them there- ok. I don't think it is fair to his sister who will have to tend to the kids for the evening. I want everyone, including her, to enjoy themselves for one night.

Mrs.B6302007

I don't think it is fair to his sister who will have to tend to the kids for the evening. I want everyone, including her, to enjoy themselves for one night.That's HER decision to make, not yours.  As with any other family member.  Give them ALL the OPTION of bringing your nephews and nieces.

kristi101378

Nope- it may come across as unimportant to some, or selfrighteous to others- that's fine. If we were having a simple informal wedding, and a town hall reception in the afternoon I probably would have no problem with the children in attendance. However, it's a very intimate formal affair... I simply wanted to keep it that way if possible.

Leah&Christian09

I agree with you.  I don't think these neices and nephews should be invited.  If you decided you want an adult only wedding, that's fine.  If he let his sister talk him into this, it's just going to open the floodgates for other family members to talk him into inviting their kids also.  I think the two of you need to be on the same page, but if you decide no kids, go with it.

Mrs.B6302007

Nope- it's not crap, and maybe it comes across as self ri... whatever. I simply thought an adult wedding and reception would be better for the evening.Well, an evening wedding can be formal but still include the family children.

Mrs.B6302007

you and your FI really need to continue to talk about this

danieliza1127

It's perfectly fine if you choose not to invite children, for whatever the reason.  The problem is that you and your FI aren't on the same page about it that's all.  You just need to talk to each other about it, not us, and decide together whether to stick with no kids or invite only immediate family kids.

wadingmoose

FWIW, I've been to MANY very formal weddings with children in attendance. 

kristi101378

Actually- it is my place to make the final decision... If the parent wants them to attend or not is really none of my concern- I'm not asking the parents permission or for their input. I do however have to make a final decision. You're right, I don't have to tell the prents anything at all except that children are not invited. However, if my fiance decides that their attendance is monumental- I can deal with this- it's not the end of the world.

laurening

Lots of good advice here. Here are my thoughts: 1. talk to your FI about this 2. People are right, you can't say it's in the parents' best interests. It's in your interests, but that's okay. You're allowed. 3. Unless you can limit by age, you need to invite your nephews/nieces if you invite your FI's side. Even if you know for a fact that your sister wants a kids free night, people get competitive and take things personally. 4. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think inviting nephews/nieces creates a free for all. Most guests understand (or should understand) that children in the bride and groom's immediate family are considered differently.

Mrs.B6302007

Actually- it is my place to make the final decision... If the parent wants them to attend or not is really none of my concern- I'm not asking the parents permission or for their input. I do however have to make a final decision. You're right, I don't have to tell the prents anything at all except that children are not invited. However, if my fiance decides that their attendance is monumental- I can deal with this- it's not the end of the world.How many my's and I's are in there?  Shouldn't it be our and we?

kristi101378

Actually- it is my wedding day. This day is special to me and my Fiance. We want to make all the right decisions, and have a wonderful experiane- I think that's understandable.

kristi101378

I'm not sure why there is so much negativity and misjudgement on here- my original post was valid, and I was seeking input, like so mady brides-to-be. I did receive many great suggestions, and I do appriciate those, and it will absolutely make this decision a bit easier.

kristi101378

I want to thank Lyss- her recommendation was probably the best. Thanks!