Guest List Issues!

matjm6

Soo, when FI and I began planning the wedding, I was thinking around 150 people.  Fast forward to the finalization of the guest list, and we have 355 people!  Everyone keeps telling me not worry, that most of the people are coming, we're inviting them because we "have" to, but I'm worried about having such a large number of invited people.  The venue will NOT hold that many people, it will hold 200.  WWYD? Invitations go out Aug 1.

ggmae

If you don't mind the number, get a bigger venue. Since you are paying for it too, you have the right to tell them to start cutting down their guest lists. Inviting more people than your venue can hold is a recipe for disaster. If you are unhappy with the number, then start cutting it down. Tell each set of parents "You get to invite X amount of people, so start making cuts." The latter is much easier! We invited 150, knowing that many could not make it because of distance. Had we just invited the 120 we had planned to invite, all but 20 would have showed. Most people we thought would come came.

matjm6

Thank you all!  I'm glad to see that I'm not the crazy one, and that I have a reason to be anxious about this.  I will get to work with negotiating the guest list!

l_disciple

Don't invite any more people than your venue can fit. This is a bad idea - and I think this is all you should say to anyone pushing you to invite more. I think pp's idea of who you would invite to dinner is a good idea.

jagore08

I agree with pp, don't invite more than the venue can hold. I actually had a number of people call me up a week before the wedding saying that they are now able to come and would it be ok (after they had RSVP No). I had room so it was no problem but if I was counting on those people not showing up I would have been screwed.

Catwoman708

NEVER, ever invite more people than your venue can hold! I could see if you went a little over, and wouldn't sweat 20-30 people over, but 155 over? NO WAY! You either have to book a larger venue, or start making some drastic cuts. I can't believe you have 355 "close friends and family". Revamp your guest list, starting with the WP and immediate family. Then add grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins. Then your closest friends that you keep in touch with, or those that fall into the "friends for life" category. This is your "core" of guests that you keep on the list. All others are extraneous, and you can explain that they didn't get invited because you didn't have room. You do not have to invite all your old high school and college friends if you don't really keep in touch, extended family, children, old friends of your parents, co-workers, etc... No matter what your family is telling you. If they give you a hard time, you can "B list" them later if you have room. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't bother to attend their wedding, wouldn't call them up out of the blue to make plans, and havent talked to them in a year, then don't invite them. There is no consistent way to predict the percentage of guests that will attend, as each event is different. This is when you really need to know your guests, and have a good idea if they will attend or not. When my daughter got married, my guess of how many would attend was more accurate than the actual RSVPs. (if it helps any at all to know, we had 135 of 200 invited guests respond, and only 109 showed.

111Kate111

I am in the minority here, but we invited WAY over what our venue could hold- invited 332 and the venue can hold 275. I was not happy about it- but my parents (who are graciously paying for the wedding) would not cut anyone ( 60 people from dads company alone!) and assured me people "would not come." In the end, its worked out for us, we have 260 attending- and later found out our venue can actually hold 290, but they say 275. BUT, it was SOOO not worth the everyday stress of hoping you get a lot of "nos" every time you check the mail. In the beginning when you get a lot of quick "yes" replies its Helll. IMO, you can probably get away with inviting 20-30 over, if a lot of people are OOT, but it always a risk. I know people that have had 100% attendance too. 150 over is way pushing it and not worth the risk. haha, for the record, I did tell my dad he was going to have to call people and say they can't come if we were over

dsouldiva

If you can answer yes to the following questions, they're in, if not they don't make the cut: -1) Are they immediate family?2) Can you not imagine your day without them?3) Do you speak to them more than once a fortnight (doesn't count for work colleagues)4) Have you or would you if you could invite them over for a dinner party?5) Would you call them in a time of crisis for advice?6) Would you call them if you needed cheering up?Just an idea to help focus the mind.  Obviously there may be a few exceptions to this but it gives you a general idea.  Just remember, it's your wedding, you don't "have to invite" anyone.

kebmtm071605

You need to cut your guest list or find a new venue.  Praying for declines just is not a realistic plan.

trix1223

Inviting 155 people more than the venue can hold is just ridiculous.  You can't count on 50% of your invites declining so that everyone can be allowed through the door, much less seated for dinner.What you need to do is go back to both sets of parents and say "You can invite 65 people each, and Mr. Mat and I will be inviting 70 people.  So re-do your guest lists and let me know by  <insert date>.  If I don't have your new list, Mr. Mat and I will decide who from your list to send invitations to".

banana468

Ditto OOT.Talk to your FI and come up with a MUST invite list.Then if you need to extend the list, as people say no, you can try work on a B list.  Tell them both that you will absolutely not deal with a fire code issue for the guest list.  PERIOD.Do you trust FMIL not to do something like photocopy invitations and send them on her own?