Is "no kids" rude?

SpringBride1114

I started going through our guestlist, and about 25% of the guests would be kids. FH's family has a lot of kids from 1year old to preteens, and having all of them come would mean leaving out other people I would like to be there. Also I have been to weddings where there were kids and they screamed/made a fuss throughout the entire ceremony. So bad that the guests couldn't even hear the vows/readings. Should I say no kids, or just no kids at the ceremony? I really don't know what to do. I love his family, but I don't want to have everything interrupted by misbehavior. Also I don't want to offend anyone. I really don't know what to do about it.

NF129

*Waiting to see the responses* hehe

LarissaAnn

Lots of weddings are adult only. Ours was supposed to be. Invite only adults.

tidetravel

It is your right and your decision as to whether or not to have kids at the wedding. (we decided on no kids for the same reasons as you)  Understand, however, that some people will be offended by this, and some guests will decide not to come.  The two of you need to decide if the potential ramifications are something that you can live with. 

V6CamaroGirl

You don't have to invite kids if you don't want. What you CANNOT do is say no kids at the ceremony, unless you provide someone to watch them nearby. Otherwise, what do you expect your guests to do with their kids for the time span?

goheels05

Etiquette-wise it's ok to only invite adults to your wedding, but some people will still get pissy with you over it.  I would have prefered to have had an adult only wedding, but I knew there would be major backlash from DH's family so we invited everyone with their kids.  You can't do just "no kids at the ceremony," because what are people supposed to do with their kids, leave them at the hotel and then go pick them up for the reception?  I think you just have to assess what's going to work best for you--are people going to have to travel long distances, are you going to offer baby sitting or leave that up to the parents, etc. 

lyndausvi

It's not rude, but it depends on the family.  Our family tends to view  siblings, first cousins, nieces/nephews and off spring of the couple as 'acceptable' kids invited to the wedding.Of the list above I only had 7 kids fall into those categories and that is all we invited.Kids of cousins, friends, etc are rarely invited and no one ever questions it.

tidetravel

Also - if you decide to do this, make sure that the rules are applied evenly across the board.What does FI think?  Since it is his family and all...

ddumire

I don't think it is rude, but I'm sure most of my family would disagree, even if they didn't have kids at their wedding.  People get really upset about it.  They don't seem to understand that some people don't appreciate their children as much as they do at a formal event.My brother took all sorts of crap for his decision not to have kids there.  What does your FI think?  Since it is his family, he should take a leadership role in that decision so they don't start seeing you as the wicked witch of weddings.

sucrets4

Aren't you the one who thought brides.com was full of rude and biitchy girls?  Have you lurked here at all?

goheels05

Oh, and another thing to consider, ask your caterer what the price is for a kids plate and what the age requirements would be for that.  Our venue didn't count kids under a certain age in the head count (meaning they ate for free), and that made me feel more ok with having kids at the wedding and reception since I wasn't having to exclude my friends to make room in the budget for them. If you do decide to have it adult only, you aren't supposed to put "adults only" on the invitations, you are supposed to just list the adult members of the family on the invitation and leave it at that. 

snarlinkitten

a member of my family just did this and had quite a lot of people mad over it and they didnt come to the wedding. you have to ask yourself if people are coming from out of town, what are they supposed to do with their kids. i'm having kids at my wedding and hope that they don't act all badly at it

kissybee

The alternative is to have babysitters in a separate area for whatever portions of the day you don't want kids there. We're having babysitters from dinner onwards down the hall.  The kids must go there for dinner, but then they can come and go the rest of the night based on the parents' preference.  That way it's flexible for all of the ages, but also consistent.

ffmaid

What does your fi want? these are his family he should get a large say in if they are excluded or included as excluding kids often results in adults not being able to attend as well. His family his choice

SpringBride1114

FH says it is up to me, way to make me the bad guy, right? And yes, all of the kids are 1st cousins and such. The only kids I would want would be there are the RB (our son) and a flower girl. I see what all of you are saying about the ceremony only thing, I will not be doing that now haha. I am really most worried about the youngest kids, the 1, 2 and 3 year olds. I think I am just going to leave it up to the parents since finding sitters would be just so hard for everyone, but it still really worries me.

ffmaid

We only had about 20 people within 4 states and people from europe, asia, africa, latin america, and still had 98% acceptance and attendance. The closest 50 people in your life are very very likely to attend

SpringBride1114

Oh yeah and noone with kids are OT's. Heels~ You have a very good point.

missann18

one thing you might want to think about is a kids reception. i have heard of several girls doing this at their weddings and it seems like it works out nicely. They just have an extra room and have baby sitters, games, and pizza for the kids and then the parents in the main reception hall. i think it would work nicely since the parents wouldn't be that far away from their children (physically) and you can still have an adult only reception and ceremony. but, it may be pricey so i would only do this if you could afford it.

clseale13

We're only having children that are family. Our main reasoning is that the ceremony space is limited. Some of our friends have multiple children and it can really add up. If everyone decided to bring their children we could have as many as 20 extra people there. They'd be bored anyway. Some people from out of town DO have children. These people also have family close by that they can leave them with. If they choose not to do that and don't come then I understand....just as I hope they understand that it is a budget/space issue and not anything personal against them or their children.

Jaclyn619

I don't want kids at my wedding...so I'm making a 12 and up rule...for the execption of the RB and FG. I think children will be bored anyways..plus it's an evening wedding.

Vancity Girl

We invited children 5 and under. (these are free to eat at our venue) and they are a easier to keep entertained. When they get any older, I think that we would hear "where's the playstation, this sucks, I don't eat that, I am bored, get me out of here"Where as the little ones want to dance...ect. We understand that parents with little ones will probably knock off early, but I am okay with that.

BoxerMomma24

Mine will be kid free. If we had extended the invite to include children in the family, we would have had at least 20 ranging from 6 months to 15. The 14 & 15 year old kids are very well behaved, however it's the younger kids that aren't so disciplined. There's no way I'll have some child disrupting the ceremony or throwing tantrums at the reception. All of the family members with kids live out of state. I'm sure they'll find sitters - they've had ample notice via STD cards. All adults deserve a nice evening out sans children. Besides, most reception halls charge 1/2 price plates for kids who will only eat a few chicken fingers. No way! I'd rather add more adults than pay for $50 chicken fingers!

BubbleJ

At my wedding there will be a sperate kids room with a dvd player and activities. They will also get a special kids meal for next to nothing. We are planning on slipping the oldest 2 some money for looking after the kids for the night, which should go fine (The rest of the kids are their siblings or cousins, only 1 will be from my side). This has so far gotten a good reception from adults. We are bringing an air matterss as well and will invite parents to bring bedtime stuff for their kids. If they wanna put their kids to sleep in a quiet area and continue partying then thats all sorted! This way kids are at the wedding but not really at the wedding.

JNL$LSM

We had an adult only wedding and for the most part people were ok with it. When people start talking and dancing kids get forgot about. Do what's best for you. It is your day! Do not worry about others!

nealbl

Talk to your church, they might have a daycare that you could have them open for your ceremony. If you put the information for a daycare in the invites your guests will get the hint that kids are not wanted at the ceremony. I addressed my invites as Adult reception to follow. I then informed my family that their kids could come, I just didn't want all of our friends kids to come. 

cravecase

We chose Adults Only, partly because were young and wanted a 'party' with dancing and drinking (lots of college/just out of college) and partly because about 25-30% were children and that put us way over budget, especially since our hall did not offer children's prices.  We were going to make the cut-off at 18, but realized that there were two cousins (all the rest of their families would be there and my FI is very close to them) that were 16 & 17 ... so we made it 16.  There were no other children from 16 to about 10..so we thought it was a clear and clean cut-off point.

applecede4

A friend of mine received an invitation in which the couple noted no children would be invited due to logistical concerns, but if the invitees could NOT come because they could not make arrangements for their children, then the couple would accommodate the children. A polite way of stating your preference, but leaving a loophole for those who absolutely cannot come without bringing their children. It also glosses over your desire not to have children at the wedding and may save you some headaches down the line.

MeganinWhite

No one under the age of 14 will be at my wedding.  I didn't want all the parents leaving at 8pm when their kids got tired and starting acting out.  I don't feel bad about it, I am having an elegant evening wedding and wet diapers and temper tantrums are not the style I was going for.

erind0213

I have young nieces and nepthews, and he has cousins that are younger. Our invitations come with inner and outter envelopes, the inner envelopes will be more personalized and addressed to only those who are actually invited. Any invites sent back with more then the alloted guest count will get a phone call. Only non family member coming is our neighbor's son, who is serving as an alter server in the wedding. This is justified because he is playing a part in the wedding.

dojo1

I have included the line "Adult reception to immediately follow" at the end of my invitation.  I haven't even sent them out yet, but I have already gotten some flack on having no kids from my fiance's family... the real kicker is that the ones who are complaining about not being able to bring their children to an evening wedding at a brewery seem to have conveniently forgotten that their wedding was ALSO a kid-free affair (Ohhh how the tables have turned.)

shanjmac22

Its not rude at all, BUT it is rude to put something on the invitation.  Your best bet is to only put the names of the individuals invited on the inviation.  I did not want kids for the same reason as you- plus it gets expensive when our location did not cut the price by much, and I am sorry, but a 1 year old is not going to eat $50 worth of food. If you get a reply card back that includes little Timmy, it is up to your mother or FMIL to assist you in kindly reminding family members that due to budgetary constraints children were not included on the guest list. Some people will indeed be angry- but in hindsite (my wedding was in April)- please worry less about others and more about your own happiness.  It is a celebration of you two and YOUR marriage.