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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Children at wedding

Hi!  I have been a lurker on this board and I saw this articule and wanted to share it.  Currently this is a hot topic for me and my FI.  I want no children, he wants his nieces there (4 and 1.5 years of age) but only becuase his sister is pressuring him to invite them.  I offered to pay for sitter but still no change.  We will see. Social Q’s No ‘Rugrats,’ Please By PHILIP GALANES Published: July 23, 2009 We gave a party recently. In our invitation we made clear, in a polite way, that it was “adults only.” But some guests insisted on bringing their children and were deeply offended when we would not give in. Skip to next paragraph Christoph Niemann Our home is not child-friendly, and some children are impossible. We thought it would be worse to make exceptions, so we made a blanket rule: Get a baby sitter or send regrets. Were we wrong? Anonymous, New York City Well, blood is thicker than water — which may explain the parental insistence — but it’s also harder to get out of the living room rug. You did nothing wrong, dear hostess. I love children, especially when they start crying and someone takes them away. (Only kidding — really!) And the kindest gloss on your tale may be that parents love their children so much, they assume everyone else does, too. Still, they go too far when they badger the person lavishing them with food and drink about the guest list. That’s your prerogative. And wanting to make a party for adults is perfectly reasonable. When I was a child, adults rarely invited us to their shindigs. It helped us understand that we are not the center of the universe. Today’s tykes may have a harder time with this concept, since many of their parents arrange their adult lives around the hobbies and sporting events of those not yet able to read, drive a car or vote (other than on “American Idol”). So if you want to give a party for the mature set, go for it. And parents: If you can’t find child care, stay home. An afternoon in the park with a 9-year-old is terrific, but a cocktail party hijacked by the Wii, or whiny requests for chicken fingers, gets old fast.

Re: Children at wedding

  • I agree with the columnist 100%.   We had children at our wedding but because we wanted to.  In your situation loletta, just make sure that you and your FI are on the same page.  If he wants the nieces there because he wants them there, it may be worth it to extend invitations just to the children of your siblings.  If you both agree that it's no kids, stick to it and enjoy.  :-)
  • I also agree with the article.  I think you need to find out whether he really wants the nieces there or if his sister wants them there.  If he really doesn't care, then I would just make it clear that you're sorry, but there will not be any kids at the wedding and you'll still be glad to help with a sitter.  If he really wants them there, maybe you could make them part of the wedding party.  That might be a way to have them there without offending anyone else who has kids.  Good luck!  I'm not having kids at my wedding either.  :)
  • You & your FI need to be on the same page before you can make a hard and fast rule. Are the kids from OOT?  If so, I can see why the sister wants/needs to bring them.  Otherwise, she may not be able to attend her brother's wedding.  And I 100% cannot blame her for not wanting to leave them with a sitter she does not know.There's nothing wrong with a child-free wedding.  But there's also nothing wrong with just allowing nieces/nephews.  This is your choice.  Realize that by not inviting kids, some guests may not want/be able to attend the wedding.  This is their choice.  You need to be okay with that.
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    Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
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