Save the Date/Engagement Party Etiquitte

smileon

Is it considered rude to pass out the Save the Dates at the engagement party?  I was planning on doing that (and saving about 60 stamps), but my sister thinks its tacky and said it was like a thing they do at clubs.  I just thought it would be a nice party favor, so it would serve as a double purpose.I know ultimately, its my party and I can do what I want.  But my sister knows more about weddings and etiquette than I do.  I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.  I dont want his family to think Im tacky (the party is mostly his family, most of whom I have not met yet).Thanks!!!

Mrs.B6302007

I wouldn't do it just because it's too soon for STDs.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

I wouldn't do it. It is kind of tacky (if you can't afford the stamps, don't send STDs...they're not necessary). I would probably lose it. Hopefully you aren't hosting your own party though. The hosts would be responsible for favors (if they're having any - also not required), so this wouldn't have anything to do with the STD or the STD taking the place of the favor.

Kati0105

I don't know if it's rude per say but I think it would be kind of odd because STDs are usually a way to "remind" people you are getting married, and people at your engagement party will already be celebrating that fact.  Also I think people would be very likely to lose the STDs that far out (especially after a few drinks at the party).

Calypso1977

tacky.STDs arent even necessary.  if you read some posts on here, some gals send them out too soon, and then get screwed when tehy realize they cant invite everyone to teh wedding.  be careful on your e-party too - all those people have to be invited to the wedding.

laurening

A save the date isn't a really a party favor and if you pass them out at the e-party, people will just leave them there or they'll never make it from the car to the fridge. It's not necessary to do STDs, they're actually a bit of recent phenomenon (last 15 years or so), If you're really on a tight budget, forget them all together.

ffmaid

1. It is a party in honor of you and fi so hopefully you are not the hostess so not your party 2. although technically ok to hand deliver not nearly as nice it is great getting invites and std in teh mail as a change from junk mail and bills3. 60 stamps= approx 100 people thats a huge engagement party. Make 200% sure you know these folks will be invited no matter what before sending stds

kebmtm071605

It's a bit weird IMO.  Also, I don't see how in the world a STD is a party favor.

smileon

Thanks for all the advice.  Everyone at the eparty is invited to the wedding, so theres no worries about that.  But Ill wait and send out the save the dates a year before (Sept/Oct).Im not very good with etiquette, so I REALLY appreciate your thoughts!!!

ffmaid

smileon- Assume 100% of peopel are coming. Most people will not travel for an engagement party most will travel for a wedding

smileon

The engagement party is in Toronto where most of his family lives, so theres no travelling for anyone aside for my parents.We have room for all everyone at the Wedding, so Im not worried about TOO MANY people coming.  Im more worried about 150 of my family/guests come and only 40 of his.  The more time we know ahead about his family, the more we can plan out my side.

danieliza1127

the party is kind of a way to see if they are willing to travel to NY.That's a bad idea.  People might not travel just for an engagement party when they will travel for a wedding.  A wedding is way more important than all of the little pre-wedding parties you may have.

Calypso1977

i'm sorry but i dont get your logic. an e-party is not thrown so you can ask the guests who plans to come to the wedding. 

laurening

The thing is, you can't really gauge from the e-party how many people will actually go to the wedding. People just don't know their situations that far in advance. Some will say that they will definitely go to the wedding, but end up sending a "no" RSVP. Maybe there was a job loss, illness, whatever. And at the same time some people will say they aren't coming. But you still need to send them an invitation and they may reconsider and go. People are infamous for saying one thing and doing another. Unfortunately, you just won't know until a few weeks before the wedding. Also, if you're concerned about etiquette, there are some really good etiquette books out there that are geared for weddings. It may be worth it to pick one up at the bookstore as a go-to reference guide.

banana468

You really can't compare who goes to an engagement party a year before the wedding to who will go to the wedding itself.Just send the STDs to the invited guests in November or December of next year and plan for 100% attendance. 

Calypso1977

Money for a wedding is a big deal and if it saves you from sending 60 more postage stampsi guess i dont buy this argument, becuase if the OP is so strapped for cash that she cant afford $25 or so in postage, tehn why is she spending money on unnecessary STDs in the first place?our friend who had to travel, book flights, etc. we just sent a quick email saying, hey, we've set the date.  accomplished the same goal, but cost us $0.  we even emailed them area hotel info which saved us money on printing up all of the stuff.