WWYD: MOH's family assumes they are invited

nooniesinlove

My MOH was my roommate in college, and I've met her family a few times.  We've always joked that our families "matched" because they both have four girls spaced two years apart with my MOH and I both the second child.  They're nice, I like them, but I am not close enough to them to invite them to my wedding where most of the 150 guests are my large family.Anyway, they recently visited my MOH for a few days, and they took me and FI out to dinner one night.  We were talking about lots of stuff, and my MOH's mom kept asking me about wedding details.  I kept trying to steer the discussion away from it since I wasn't going to invite them, but she was pretty persistant.  At first I thought she just wanted to know details since none of her daughters have been married and she's a pretty nosy person, but she eventually asked how long the ceremony is going to be.  I told her that it would be about an hour since it is Catholic, and she said, "That's okay; we just went to my daughters' former piano teacher's wedding, and it was a long Catholic ceremony too."I was like, WTH?  It sounded to me that she assumed the whole family was invited.  To make matters worse, they were only invited to the ceremony (and not the reception) of said piano teacher's wedding, so she seems to think this would be acceptable for my wedding (which is NOT).I'm not going to invite these extra six people to my wedding because I just don't have the room or money.  How should I do it though?  Should I subtly let MOH know, or should they find out through a lack of invitation?  My MOH is VERY close with her family; she currently lives with her older sister, and her mom and sisters call her easily five times a day.  I thought she already knew that I wasn't going to invite her family, but now I'm not so sure.  WWYD?Cliff notes: MOH from large family, MOH's mom recently hinted that she's expecting an invite when I'm not intending on inviting any of them, wondering if I should say something to MOH or not.

zippityb

Thank baby Jesus my MOH is my sister. If you don't have the resources to invite them, tell them that you don't. But I wouldn't bring it up.

gkb0910

While it's not okay to invite them to the ceremony and not the reception, it's okay if they decide to come to the ceremony on their own.  Catholic ceremonies are not private events.  They are open to all, that's why they are announced in the bulletin weeks before the Mass. Could you invite just her parents?

nooniesinlove

I forgot to add that she also asked how many people we are inviting.  I used that opportunity to let her know that it would mostly be family, but I don't think she got the hint since she kept pressing it.I'm not planning on just proclaiming to my MOH that her family is not invited, but I was wondering if I should at least feel out the subject with her.

laurening

It's hard to tell if she's expecting an invite. Maybe she thought you felt bad about your ceremony being long and was trying to make you feel better (i.e., see, you're not the only one with a long ceremony kind of thing). Don't invite them. Maybe make a few well placed comments to your MOH about how your guest list is stressing you out since you have such a big family and can't invite everyone that you want.

karenttrouble

Maybe talk to your MOH about it.  Is it possible that her Mom wants to show up to the ceremony but does not expect to be invited to anything, which is why she had to ask when it was?  MOH might have a better idea of what her mom was thinking

ac_in_dc

I think back in the day it was standard practice for folks to invite all of their bridesmaids' parents to the wedding. That's probably why she's asking. If you can't include MOH's folks, maybe just let MOH know so that they can plan around it?  I'm not sure; would that just be calling attention to the problem? MOH is your best friend, why don't you talk to her and see what she thinks?

ac_in_dc

Here's the knot saying you don't have to invite her though: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/wedding-guest-list-advice/qa/invite-my-attendants-parents.aspx

111Kate111

Could you just let them come to the ceremony if they want? My MOH and her parents are flying down for our wedding and made flight plans before we sent out invites. Before we had the guestlist set, MOH called and said her parents wanted to ask if it would be okay for them to come and watch the ceremony (as it is on the campus of the college both she and I and her parents graduated from). I had no problem with them coming to watch the ceremony and thought it was sweet of them to ask we ended up inviting them to the wedding anyways, since they are flying down and all, but they are just staying for cocktails, not dinner. They don't know too many people at the wedding so they are just going to stop by for a bit- their choice. It sounds like maybe the family just wants to see their daughter be MOH in the ceremony?? If you have room, invite them, if not, let them come to ceremony if they want. That might be all they want anyways.

Carebear517

I don't think that she was necessarily hinting for an invite. Like someone else said, maybe she was just trying to say that it's really not unusual for ceremonies to be that long. And maybe she is just curious about wedding details. I know that even if I wasn't invited to someone's wedding I would still ask them all about it.I think the best advice is to talk to your MOH and try to get an idea of what they are expecting. And if you don't have the room/budget for them, just explain that to your MOH and possibly even them if you are  feeling bad.