Afterparty Etiquette

kamalii03

Hello!!I had some etiquette questions.  We're having an afternoon ceremony and reception at the same place and we're required to have a minimum of 150 guests.  However, we're also having an after party at the groom's parents house.  Anyone is welcome at the after party.  We just have a few concerns about whether people will think that they are invited to the ceremony, reception, and after party based on looking at our wedding website (which is on my facebook page).  What is the etiquette for the invitations and the wording on the website so that people know which parties they are invited to?  There is an rsvp page on the website, what should I do if someone rsvp's and they weren't invited to the ceremony/reception?  Also, we worry that people may decide that they don't want to go to the ceremony and reception and only show up at the after party--but we need to meet the 150 guest minimum.I appreciate your advice very much!

mwhitson14

OK, first of all, you need to take off your website from facebook. That way, you can avoid anyone coming to the afterparty that's not invited to the ceremony/reception.Also, if everyone is welcome to attend the afterparty, then you just need one invite, right? What do you mean about which parties they're invited to?

TheSaltyPeanut

Am I the only one confused?

danieliza1127

So the people invited to the after party are NOT invited to the ceremony and reception?  If that's the case, I wouldn't have all of that info in one place because it is very confusing for those excluded from the ceremony and reception.  I would take your wedding website off Facebook asap and I wouldn't advertise the wedding website to anyone not actually invited to the wedding and reception.

Leah&Christian09

Is everyone invited to all three?  If not, you need to change this.  It would be rude to invite people to the afterparty but not the ceremony/reception.

karenttrouble

Take it off facebook entirely Invite guests to the ceremony/reception with your regular invite THEN invite to the after party later.

kamalii03

To clafity:My fiance and I have some lose social groups we're a part of that we want to invite to the after party only and the groom's mother wants to invite specific people only to the after party.  We want to limit the number of people invited to the ceremony/reception to between 150-200. People coming to the ceremony/reception are all invited to the after party but there are additional people invited to the after party that are not invited to the wedding.

ffmaid

1. take it off facebook 2. the 2nd tier guest thing is rude so anyone you invite to teh after party should be invited to teh full event reception included  

danieliza1127

My advice still applies - take the info off of Facebook.  Those that are invited to the afterparty only shouldn't have access to info about the ceremony and reception because it will lead them to think they're invited and they'll be hurt when they realize they aren't.  Well they  might be hurt anyway, but that's the chance you're taking.

mocha beans

I think it's kinda rude to invite people to the afterparty only.As for the minimum,  you can probably have less guests than that and be okay, but you will still have to pay for 150 meals.  So if you come in a bit under, you might be okay.  At least that's how our place was.

TheSaltyPeanut

I would be really offended if I was invited to an after party but not important enough for the ceremony AND reception (and on the same day at that). It just sounds a little gift grabby to me.

mwhitson14

Everyone needs to be invited to all three. What you're doing is rude.

salt78

Oh god it's that girl with the 30 year old frat boy FI all over again.

laurening

Definitely take the wedding website off of facebook From an etiquette standpoint, it's not polite to invite some people to the wedding/reception and others only to the afterparty. It's saying that A group is cool enough to come to the ceremony and reception, but the B group is only kinda of cool - they are only good enough to come to the afterparty. It also comes across like you're gift grabbing. People who come to a wedding day event feel are going to feel like they should bring a gift. You may not be expecting one, but a lot of people feel rude going to a wedding party empty handed. It's not polite to put people in that position. In reality, some of the after party only guests won't care, but some will. Better to avoid the situation completely. Have a general party a few weeks after the wedding.

Golfer'sLady

1. Take your wedding info off of Facebook.2. Anyone invited to the after party should be invited to the ceremony and wedding reception. Hence the title after party. It is after the main wedding events, not a party for those not even invited.

Leah&Christian09

I have some lose social groups we're a part of that we want to invite to the after party only and the groom's mother wants to invite specific people only to the after party. This is rude.  If they aren't in the most important 200 people, they aren't important enough to be invited.  Have the afterparty for guests that are invited to the wedding.

kloesk

you can't invite people to only the after-reception reception

kamalii03

I forgot to mention that it's the future mother-in-law that is throwing the after party.  My family is throwing ceremony/reception.  Does that make any difference if she decides that she doesn't want all of her guests at the wedding but would rather have them at her home?

ffmaid

If your FMIL does not want her friends at the wedding and wants them at her house that is fine  do not invite them to the wedding and she can throw a party at her house another time But what you are suggesting is beyond rude to all the people that will percieve it as please bring us gifts but we do not care about you at all.

angiebear11

Does that make any difference if she decides that she doesn't want all of her guests at the wedding but would rather have them at her home?No. It's still rude.

salt78

[i]Does that make any difference if she decides that she doesn't want all of her guests at the wedding but would rather have them at her home?[/i] There is no way that you can do this without being rude to some of your guests.

TeaForMe

Fiance and I were once invited to the dance only of a family friend's wedding/reception. The rest of his family was invited to everything else. Awkward.We showed up, drank a beer, chatted with his family and left. No card, no gift, didn't even get to see the bride or groom in the hour we were there.So my point is, don't do a tiered reception. People will be bitter but show up anyway.

JAStuckey

This might be a little bit of a late response... but I wanted to insert a personal perspective of this situation. My fiance and I were not invited to a wedding that many of his other friends were invited to. He was not best friends with the couple, but hung out with them socially and saw them quite often. But we were told we could come to the afterparty... I found it offensive and it really hurt our feelings. It definitely felt like an after thought and that it didn't matter if we were there or not. I totally understand where you are coming from, but I think you could potentially offend people who aren't invited to all three.